TWITCHERLY’S TROUSERS.

South Canterbury Times, Issue 2187, 22 March 1880, Page 3

TWITCHERLY’S TROUSERS.

Mr Twitcherly was engaged to' act as groomsman at the wedding of one of his most relentless friends on Sept. 18 last, and with that view ordered a new pair of black trousers. On the morning of the 17th of that month his new trousers came home from the shop, and he tried them on. They proved to be an inch too long, and he instantly took them back to the tailor. To his dismay, he learned that the tailor was absent and would not return till the next day ; whereupon he took the trousers home in a state of mind that could be more easily described than imagined, provided one knew exactly what that state of mind was. There were at that time in Mr Twilcherly’s house his wife, his mother, five of his own sisters, and three of his sisters-in-law, botli kinds of sisters being young unmarried ladies. They were all shocked when Mr Twitcherly announced, with all the epithets and interjections that the most liberal system of morality could author-, ise, that his infamous tailor had made Ids trousers wholly impracticable. Little by little his affectionate relatives drew from him the full story of his wrongs, and they were overflowing with sympathy when he loft them to go to his business, remarking that as it would bo out of taste for him to attend a wedding without trousers, it would be impossible for him to act as groomsman. No sooner had he closed the door than his affectionate wife stole quietly into the room, cut off what her liberal feminine imagination regarded as an inch from the bottom of his trousers legs, and sewed them up. again with much neatness. In took her only a few minutes to acheive this labor of love, and she felt that she had done nothing more than it was her duty to do as a. faithful and devoted wife. A little later it occurred to Mr Twitcherly’s mother that she would just run upstairs and shorten her son’s trousers. Like her daughter-in-law there was nothing mean about her conception of an inch, and when her charitable work was done the trousers were fully four inches shorter than when they left the tailor’s shop. After the mol her came the sisters and sisters-in-law. One by one and in the utmost secrecy they attacked the unfortunate garment with a boldness that, in view of their utter want of practical acquaintance with trousers, was really remarkable. Each was determined to give Mr Twicherly an agreeable “surprise, and, therefore, took great care that no one should know of her sartorial devotion. Eive sisters and three sisters-in-law arc eight female relatives'. Allotting only one inch of trousers to each, we may assume that their united efforts shortened the trousers eight inches, to which must be added the four inches previously cut by Mrs Twitcherly ami by Mrs Twitchcrlcy’s mol her. There is not the least doubt that, had the owner of these trousers examined them when he returned home on the evening of the 17th of August, he would have been very much surprised. It so happened that lie did not examine them. The tailor had unexpectedly returned, and to him Mr Twitcherly hastily sent the trousers, with a note expressing the opinion that in point of intelligence ho was inferior to the brutes that perish and ordering him to instantly cut an inch from each trouser leg. The tailor was a quick tempered man, and, after informing his assistant that Mr Twitcherly was a combined idiot and maniac, besides being weak-minded, he obeyed the order and sent the remnant of the trousers home. The next evening about half an hour before the wedding was to take place, the Twitcherly’s household was horriflecl to see Mr Twitcherly rushing into the street dressed apparently in a short pair of black “ trunks,” and howling for blood. He has not since been seen, but the bod} 1, of the tailor, who had apparently died from an apoplcplic stroke, was found the next day stretched by the side of his cold and useless “ gooses.” This anecdote is but one of many which illustrate the suffering wrought by affectionate friends. Let us hope that it may do its part in strengthening us to endure our friends, no matter how many and affectionate they may be. —“New York Times.”