Puhoi.

Rodney and Otamatea Times, Waitemata and Kaipara Gazette, Volume 1, Issue 36, 6 December 1901, Page 2

Puhoi.

The Conceit in aid of the Church advertised for the 23 ult* duly eauie off on that date, and was a pronouncsucecss financially and otherwise. The TJev. Father Coco' an ablj assisted by Mr- F. Echollum as Secretary, had. left no stone unturned to insure success and the result was a 'bumper' house and a first rate evening's entertainment The programme was supplied by Auckland and local taler.t, and judging by the heart}' rounds of applause which greeted the pe.iformeis of each item gave great satisfaction to the audience. During the evening there were several items fro'n Edison's Phonograph which provided a pleasing variety in the programme. The Chair was taken by the Eev. Father Cocoran and the following items were rendered.—

Overture "Spitfue Gallop" ■ The' Bartley Band; song "• Tlio Mighty Deep" Mv J. Smith; Song "Arab's Farewell to his steed" Mr, W. E. Johns; song "Carnival." Miss Pas De Leon; song tlOn the Banks of the Wabash," Mr. W. Scholium. Song, " Boys of the Old Brigade," Miss F. Quinn, song, "Why must we say Good-bye," Miss K. Scholium; song, "The last Muster," Mr J. Smith; Duet, "List to the Convent Bells," Miss K. Scholium and Mr. J. Smith ; song,." Happy Birds," Mi«s "Pas de Leon (encored); song1, "Won't you be my Sweetheart," Miss F. Qiiinn; Pianoforte solo, Mis* J, Jackson ; song, ''Home Sweet Home," School children. . .

At the conolus:on of the programme acd prior to the sinking of the national anthem, the chairman in a witty and humourous speech, expressed the pleasure, he felt at seeing so many people present that evening, a-id thanked them for their attendance. He also expressed his gratitude for the services rendered by tho^e ladies and gentlemen who had contributed to the programme. Miss Jackson and Miss Quinn acted, during the evening, as accompanists in a most able and efficient manner.

After the concert the hall was cleared, and dancing commenced, and was Icept up with great vigour till daylight. Mr. and Mrs. Bartley supplied music that left nothing to lie dosired, and Messrs 0. Becher and A . Schischka made good M.O's

Tlitlu-Mtotho "fish ligv" ha* l.ovii! acknowledged as purely Biiti.sk praduri, Imt jealous of kor mother's reputation oven in tips America lias miw—possibly after years of private practice—entered the lists. A New: ; York fisherman mot a brother of the j j rod pnd Hue (or net?) from Chicago. | I and .at one.o greeted him with. "4h, ; I s'posoyou careh whales in Chicago?" | "No" was the instant reply "we use I ! them fov bait." The saaie two Individ- , uals1 became matched for 500 dollars j a-side to test who could pitch $he biggest li—prevarication, Gtiiflljfie'd judges Ay.ere appointed and the, Chicago champion commenced.. "T.liere was •ontie/' lie said, '-in CLjc/igo a gentleman-^ —=-" "Stnp right thai1," in-, teiTupted the Jfew Yorker; "after that. I've no hope in the contest, Take: my dollars and let. me get a bieath of i hesk air,—Warkwoith Yag<ibond Club, . • . : "The slan&erojjs reptile who runs the Potato Creek 'Vindicator,'" says i the'Sedunk Bugle,' "asserts in las last issue that our wife has sued us for divorce on account id excessive and repeated cruelty; In order that our roaders may know just how much truth there is m the story, we will explain. Our_wifeJhLas_not_sued us .at", " "all. "AVehaven't any wile. We never had a wife. The whole stoiy grows out of the circumstance that there is a report in circulation to the effect that we are to be married the woek after next. And there isn't any truth in this | story either. It is all we can do to support ourself in this durned town, let alone a wife.. Hut if the lying old blatherskite of the Potato Creek sheet t doesn't want to get into trouble, let him krej) out of our way for the next month or two."—'Chicago Tribune '

A man was too stingy to pay for a Times, and as he could not get along without it he sent .his little boy to borrow a paper of his neighbour. In his haste the boy ran over a twelve shilling stand of bees, and in ten minutes looked like a warty summer squash. His cries reached his father, who ran to his assistance, and failing to notice a barbed-wire fence, ran into it, breaking it down, cutting a handful of flesh from his anatomy, and ruining a fifteen "bob" pair of pants. The old cow took advantage of the gap in the fence and got. into the cornfield and killed-herself eating green corn. Hearing the jacket, the wife ran, upset a four-gallon churn full of rich cream into a basket of kittens, drowning the flock. In the hurry she dropped a seventy-shilling set of false teeth. The baby being left alone, crawled through the spilled cream and into the parlour ruining a brand new £5 carpet. In the excitement the eldest duughter ran away with the hired man, the dog broke up eleven sitting hens, and the calves got out and chewed the tails of four shirts. All this happened through the downright stinginess of one man.

This is the way Editor Kittson, of " Charleston Herald," g-ets "allover" the genius (!) wot runs the N.Z. " Bulletin " :—" Away up in the fer-

tile district cf .Hawke's Bay, where

dreaminess and laziness are the pi-e----dominating characteristics, there is a small village, designated with the. oleaginous dignity of a borough, called Hastings. Hastings has a lot of useless ornaments, visible and .invisible, among which is a paper (or intended for a paper) titled the New Zealand Bulletin, whose pages are too small for sausage-wraps, and a little too small for parcelling large quantities of carraway seeds or nutmeg in. Its mission in life appears to be the apeing of the style and mannerisms of its illustrious Sydney namesake, but its endeavours in that direction are as futile and destitute- of results as the continual use of hair vigour by its editor, who sometimes tries to be funny at the expense of his contempor avies, and is splendidly successful in making1 a laughingstock of himself. It is a positive shame that the re-cruiting-sergeant ?or a lunatic asj'lum sihot sent round Hastings way. He