Being A "Perfect Lady" Of Victorian Times Was Arduous Business

Rotorua Morning Post, Volume 2, Issue 540, 25 May 1933, Page 2

Being A "Perfect Lady" Of Victorian Times Was Arduous Business

"Modest Reserve*' And ^Re^ring De&cacy"

UP TO, perhaps, the beginning of the Eictoriah era the word "lady" denoted a distinction of birth rather than education. "Ladies" were born, not made. But with the increasing prosperity of the middle classes thefr women folk acqnired social power and demanded apprOpriate recognition. They began to discover that .the secret qualities Sistinctlve of "the perfect lady" could be taught, and therefope learned. Backed by. a rich papa, it was possible — by assiduous .attention to the mysteties of etiquette — to become, if not a perfect lady, at least perfectly ladylike. ^These book on etiquette must bave been as valuable to the novices of those days are they are to-day to the students of social customs. They reveal the arduous business entailed by the art of being a perfect lady, with its perpetual watch over every mo.vemeiit, every act, even every thought. As a result, the flnished; article was as remote from naturalness as possible. The Victorian lady (already in the 50's; slightly suggestive of a mass-pro-duction repiica of some aristocratic model) must have been a bundle of affectations which served, ' we read, as "an effectual barrier against th'e innovations of the vulgar." Her gbneral behaviour is described as "a pieasing modest reserve and retiring delicacy that avoids the vulgar star'e of the public eye and biushingly withdraws from the gaze of a'dmiration; ' a sehsible woinari will endeayour to rdise herself td a higher sphere ahd" not run the hazard of retrograding by formihg acquaintances flelow her station." In fact, a new social groupj was forcing its, way to the surface' between . the old aristocracy ahd the bonrgeoisie. How t.o win sucdess iri th'e Struggle' is reveajed ih the pages of .this Kahd-' book, writes the "New Yprk TimeS." The art of paying visitk demaiids the closest attention to detail,- lest by a , slip you . betray ,the .hprrid ■ sec- ' ret "that . you are "not quite." ■ .Galls are .to b.e paid betwpen ihe iip.urs.of one aiid three, . at" ^hjch ,dp hcit ; by ! any means remove ydur bonhet or shawl. ^ There was a. type, of caller, dreaded by all hostesses, who wbuld arrive out of the orthodox hpurs, causing all sorts of embarrassment. They were known as "day goblins." , jLadips in.the present day (we read.) are allowed considerabie> .li'censp. paying visits; yoiihg marri'ed ladies may call on their friends, . alorie, but they must not appear in public ptecei3 unattended by their husbands. mdy walk .ftlon| ttS Hx^8 they do' not ioiter ai sikbp SmifltiSi

pr tuEQ around tb look at i^issenh »by. BiA let nothing ever induce ybu to go out after dusk; only unavoid■able necessfty can excuse such impropriety. 0 No lady over Calls on a gentle•man; it would not only be ill-bred, it wonid be positively improper to do so; possibly an old bachelor might receive. a visit irora a mairied lady whom he knows intiinately, biit only ( with her husband's approval. , When walking iu the street a lhdy always takes the gentieman's right arm, and under these bir'cumstances for him to have a cigar. in his mouth "is a shocking sight which no gentlesnan would be guilty of exhlbiting."

Never by any means .aliow. a,,gentleman to take.ypu home after ah,eyeiaing party, but rqquest ,the services 'pf a maid. , At a dinner party, where, , of cburse, , white gioyes are worn, the hse of fish-kniyes is condemhed, as "vulfear," ahd peas shouid be eaten from a spoon. O'n the engrdsdirig topic d'f cohltShip: /•'. .. . ; Our .. fkir ' reia'defs' are . c'ajitidixdd agaihst the desighs of treachdrdhs inen; how many ldvely ..foirms thde hway ihto the toinb and h'drie 'can tfell the cause that blifehtecf their iovelihesS! ' Siifferihg from the parigs of wduhded aff e'ctioh thd chahh' ' of her fexlsterice ig at " an 6nd; dry sorrdw' drinks her blood; after & little while her friends Weep""'bver her uhtimely grave, wbriderin^ that " the bne.who but latdly glowed with- all- thd radiance of health shbtold be ,sp Speed- i ily brought down tb dattmess- and the worm. The Mrt of being a Perfect Lady, « . . — . - — ' . . — ,