A SCHOOL FOR WIVES.

Rangitikei Advocate and Manawatu Argus, Volume XXXIV, Issue 9415, 8 April 1909, Page 8

A SCHOOL FOR WIVES.

A new ’’school for wives” has been opened in London, and when I oast my eyes upon the announcement my heart rejoiced that the blessings of education should be carried at last to a class who have hitherto laboured in the darkest depths of Ignorance. The training of women for matrimony has hitherto been haphazard and unscientific. In the process of graduating for the altar there has been no orderly and systematic course of instruction. The pupils have had to acquire knowledge as best they conld, and though many of them have qualified as wranglers they have lamentably failed to graduate as Masters of the Domestic Arts. Therefore when I read that a school for wives bad been opened I was glad, believing that even a post-graduate course might be useful. “Electricity,” says the principal, “is a thing of the fntnre. and we think that our students should be prepared for it and should know’how to regulate an electrically-heated oven.” What foolishness is this? If wives were tangbt to regulate the supply of domestic electricity, and to shut off the switch when the current is approaching the fnsing point they would learn something really useful, and be able to avert those electrical disturbances which so often cause the old man to smash the crockery and kick the dog. A little applied science of this kind would be useful to most wives; but to let them meddle with electrically-heated ovens is certain to oanse many an unexpected shook. The whole theory of education for wives is erroneous. A wife should be taught not bow to manage a home, but how to manage a husband. Now, if I were to open a school for wives, I would introduce the course with an explanatory lecture in these terms:—

“My dear ladies ; The proper study of womankind is Man. Man is the animal who pays tbe rent and settles the dressmaker’s bills. Man earns the money and the women spend it. In the matrimonial relationship therefore success depends on the due and effective management of Man. Man does not appreciate airs of superiority in a woman. When bet Wants to take yon for a walk don’t propose that yon should call on your mother; probably he doesn’t like your mother. And it he suggests a visit to tbe theatre to see the performance of ‘Maobeth,’ don’t pout and say yon’d rather go to see ‘The Merry Widow.” In all likelihood he prefers ‘Macbeth’ because he has got free tickets for the stalls. “Don’t tell him you are downright shabby and must have a new rig out at once. Suggest to him that he used to admire yon in that tailor-made gown and Paris toque yon yon were married, and that~you’d be a real credit to him if yon could only get another like it. And that that jade, Mrs Browne, has been swaggering over yon as thongh her husband were better off. Stroke his hair (if he has any) and suggest that he is and always was tbe sweetest and best and kindest of men, who always wants to sea his little wife look beautiful, and ten to one he’ll swear you’ll ruin him, and leave you a Cheque for the dressmaker. Man is not to be taken by the frontal attack, bat by gentle titillatibn on the flank where his heart is,

“If yon will heed these rules and work on these principles you will learn bow to manage a husband, and this is the whole art of life. The real School for Wives is marriage, and you may leave eleotrio cookery and the science of beating and ventilation to the hotel chef and the plumber. Man is a great and mighty creature, but he is as susceptible to wiles as a donkey to the allurement of a carrot. You can lead him if you humour him, but you’ll make him think you a fool if yon buy his neckties and present him with a box of Pampas Grass Oigara at Christmas. You win every time if you persuade him to think be is having his own way when yon are really having yours; and if every wife took this course the judges of the Admiralty and Divonce Division would soon have to retire on their unemployment pensions. “The School for Wives is now adjourned, and you may all go home and get your husbands’ slippers warmed. He probably won’t thank yon for it, but maybe he will ask you what sort of a gift yon would like to have for your birthday.”—Manchester Chronicle.