MY HARD AND BITTER LOT

Pukekohe & Waiuku Times, Volume 9, Issue 526, 27 April 1920, Page 8

MY HARD AND BITTER LOT

THE SERIOUS SIDE OF BEING FUNNY. (By Alfred Lister in '"Tit-Bits"). 1 suppose it is as fact that mosc people imagine the lot of the comedian to be a happy one. They think unless, for once, I am wrong that the man whose business it is to make, them laugh hea/tily and often is to be envied above all others. My loar sir or madam—nothing could be farther from the truth! I am going to disabuse your mind of mv such belief. The lot of the comedian, believe me, is hard and bitter.

In the first place, surprising though it may seem, many a come--1 dian loathes- simply hates and detests- being funny. The dearest wish of almost every professional mirth-merchant (including yours faithfully) is that he may be allowed to lead a simple, harmless, untrammelled, natural life. All he wants is a hut in the woods, and daisies and buttercups aiound him in place of an audience, and the gentle sighing of the wind instead of their applause. And now, having got that off n,y chest, we will proceed. No one who has not been a comed:rn can have any conception of the tiials and tabulations of a comedian's life. From the time when, it four o'clock on a winter's morn, he takes up the family's (including, of course, in these days, the maid's) tea, to ihe solemn hour of midnight when he crawls (no sir, I did not say falls) in at the front door, he is ha assed by perplexities and hard work. There is no peace for comedians. But perhaps the worst feature of the comedian's life is that no one - except, perhaps, his mother-in-law ever takes him seriously. If he murmurs "Good morning" to the postman, that usually staid individual beams all over his face, while should the temporarily grave laughter-mak-er chance to repeat the same J'oniiulation in the afternoon, the person so addressed is almost certain to be ionvulsod with mirth. Is there anything particularly funny in saying "Good morning" out of season? All the best people do it: in fact. 1 once heard a duke say "Good evenin' " two hours after midnight, and I'm sure he knew what Ik was talking about,- at least, I'm almost sure. This inability on the part of his friends to take the comedian seriously has led to more than one distressing sequel. I remember once, when 1 was staying at si farm, I was strolling through some be-daisied fields when, to my horror, I saw a man being tossed by a bull. After vainly trying to dissuade the animal from pur--Liing its nefarious enterprise, I ushed hack to the farm for help. When they saw me, nearly dead through exertion, the farmer and liis merry men almost burst themselves" with laughter. The fai'mer, shipping I is thighs harder than I should care lo have mine slapped, said it was the funniest joke he had heard fur vcars. The only persons who failed t<i see it were the injured man and liiysel f. On the other hand, often when I t■■ll what I. in my innocence, consider to be a funny yarn, nothing happens no smile, no ripple of f.tighter, no nothing. For instance, ir. my humble judgment, the following little story is provocative of at least a g.in. yet when I retailed it at the club two evenings ago everybody turned away with a shrug of the shoulders as if they regarded me as a perfectly hopeless csuse. "Look here!" cried the little man, as, holding out a handful of campho; balls, he bounced into the chem-i.-t's shop. "You sold me these to kill mollis with."

"A or yes," said the chemist, rubbing bis chin reminiscently. "To kill moths, indeed!" shrieked the little man. "How the deuce d'yosi do it, niyhow'.' Me and the wife haf< been trying to hit a moth with mie "T them tilings for the last halfiiour. it can't be done, guv-no} - : ian t in* none!" Here's smother-: A pawnbroker was awakened sit desul of night by si loud banging s.t his shop door, lb* hung his head out of the window to iiit|uire what the row w'sts about . "Come down!" said ;i voice. "Who the "Coma down at once!" interrupted the other. , ,The pawnbroker hurried below. ■' --"Now,- what do you want'?'' . ;"i'".vvan' sh know* the time/' said the' caller. "You idol! Is that sill you woke me up for?" The visitor looked inexpressively sad. "Well, youve g-got my watch." he explained, in injured tones. But comedians can be serious when j they like. A friend of mine, whose name is almost a household word, was oikv mistaken by si dear old lady for the local curate, and she was not in the least short-sighted, riHier: while another fun-purveyor 1 went to have his pho-tograpTf-4aken, and could not, lor the life of him", raise the necessary smile. Only one little incident saved him, ] The photographer, on seeing ths-t | ("here was little hope of making a successful picture of his well-known client, looked so utterly miserable that at last my friend had to laugh cut right-and click went the shutter!