CLEVEDON.

Pukekohe & Waiuku Times, Volume 6, Issue 309, 11 September 1917, Page 3

CLEVEDON.

'OLEVEDON CAVE DWELLERS' (By 'Rip Van Winkle.'l The time has once again come round when spring poets, lamb and green peas, and other signs remind us thai spring is near and there has been a certain mildness in the air (Mr Wragge having left the Dominion for a time) which has caused somewhat of a restlessness within the cave and there are signs of casting off the state of lethargy which is usually dominant. It all happened as follows: — There was a crash ! It was the day breaking. The sound caused a stir amongst those so quietly sleeping within the moss grown wa'ls of the cave. One of the number yawned, stretched himself, and arose, It was Samuel. Going to the entrance of the cave, he gazed with loving and admiring eyes upon the scene before him. It was the Reserve. Who can tell what noble and patriotic thoughts fast chased each other through his mind as he gazed upon the results of his strenuous past endeavour ? He had been awakened by bbe crash and feared that once again some vandal hand was attempting the theft of the majestic scene spread out on the mighty mountain side, its rivulets sparkling in amongst the trees like diamonds in the shirt front of a Jewish chairman at a meeting of his shareholders. On and on they twinkled, in their rush towards the reservoir (which is not there), finally splashing into the mud below, to sink into the ground and be sucked up at various points as drinking water, now alas no longer sparkling but—But there! As Kipling has it—'that is quite another story.' As I said before, 'he gazed' upon the scene, and then he heaved a agh, which dislodged a loose pile of rock on the far side of the quarry, causing another crash, which chased away the remnants of sleep within the cave, each inhabitint arising and falling to on his allotted task. Time hanging heavily upon their hands, it was decided to play at Library Committee. Some time was spent in fixing up a chairman, the point at issue being which of the two members who usually filled this position m the cave was the one who could keep the meeting waiting the longest period of time after the scheduled time for commencing before turning up. Finally, as the voting was even—two voting for one and two for the other, and the remainder to the number of 25 not wishing to express an opinion until it was all over (and being prepared to grumble in any case) —it was decided to refer the decision to Noah, who ui. hesitatingly at once appointed two chairmen, amidst loud applause. Things being now in order, they settled down to business.

"Well, gentlemen," said the Chairman, "as the minutes of the last meeting were left in the Ark by an oversight, I will" — "Was Noah the oversight ?" asked Jonathan. "I object to that insult," shouted Noah, "when I was in the Ark we never—" "Silence, sir," said the Chairman, "I will, as I was saying when this untimely interruption took place, ask you to take them as read."—This was agreed to. " I would suggest,'' said Jonathan " that the following books be added to the Library Shelves : ' The Quarry Snatchers,' by Night; ' The Cultivation of Small Potatoes,' by the author of ' Credit Gone Astray'; ' Mud, as a Cheap Road Material, Its Use and Abuse,' by Hadsome ; < The Art of Polite Letter Writing,' by Dasty; 'The Light That Failed,' by Thomas ; ' How to Use a Roadway as a Canal,' by Golly." " I think we ought to also have The Okipoki Times," said Bobs, " this being a paper that will throw some light upon our Local Doings." At this Noah jumped up and wildly gesticulating shouted out, " I object! T object ! It publishes some letters written by some old codger who signs himself ' Periwinkle ' or—

" You mean Rip Van Winkle," interposed Samuel. " Never mind what I mean" shouted Noah, " no one asked you to tell them what I mean, so you just keep quiet and look after your old quarry. Wheo I want you to say what I mean, I'll tell you. Yah ! Big Potatoes ! As I say Mr Chairmen—Called Periwinkle or some other small fry, who wants asphalt roads, with concrete side-walks, pink fencing posts, and the telephone poles paiated and varnished, down to his place. Now! When I was in the Ark-"

Oh! damn the ark,'' said Bobs, " give it a rest." " No Sir ! I wont damn the ark, nor will I give it a rest. Havn't I got as much right to say what I like as the next one? Why ! In my grandfather's time -" At this point a timely diversion was caused by one of the Chairmen giving a loud snore and on his colleague digging him in the ribs he gave a still louder snore and awakening, loudly shouted " Order ! Order !" hut on being reminded that " shouting " was now outside the Law he quietened down, and feeling that it was his duty to do something to show that ho had matters well in hand, he said, " 1 am not quite sure wh it the motion bs'ore the meeting is, hut I put it to you." There heing no seconder, and mo>t of those pnsont being busy holding a Hide meeting to discuss " floats versus Road Boards " as I dark lurry ExterminatorH on roadsides, ihe motion was declared carried. " I would like to ask," said Satniie!, " if it is true that the lihrarv is open on o it wi ek ''' " o"i'e tni", sir." " (loiild yon te I ine, \li Cianmen, \s li:it day of ilie week it is open '?" " 1 am no , hut I believe it i- Sunday-.' '• No, ii" ! Saturday-," corrected Noah •' I In nk yo i, N iah,'' 'aid the chaiuien, " 1 nmem a<r it must he Sa iird vh, as I think that is the day

before Sunday." (Loud applause). " And now, may I ask what hours it it open," asked Jonathan ? " Again T am not surf," wa9 the reply. " l.ut I think it is from two to four." " A.M. or P.M.," asked Samuel ? " Really, gentlemen, I must protest at these untimely interruptions, and must remind you that the eyes of the Cave are upon us, and such levity must not be shown to Local Bodies."

It seemed at this point as though the meeting would be broken up, everyone talking at once and at the top of their voices, nothing being distinguishable barring fragments of various sentences such as " small potatoes —," "settle his dust for —," "mud, and then he —" " twenty miles without a —," " Johnny Walker and a—" "no dog bark —." Eventually order was restored once more, and the chairmen explained that " 2 p.m. to 4 p.m. had been fixed upon as being the time when most people were away at tennis, or basket ball or other affairs, —in fact anywhere but near the library, thus causing the membership to fall off, and so save a run on the books."

"I propose" said Jonathan, "that the library be brought more to the front." " You mean ' send ' it to the front" said Samuel. At this there were cries of " its over age, Sam," "it wouldn't pass the doctor," and " what about its old age pension?" "I move, gentlemen, that the Trustees be interviewed" said Bobs. " Who are the Trustees " asked Samuel? No one knows. It's a secret, and if I wasn't so busy with my correspondence, I would look into the matter. But just you wait till I get my reserve seat fixed on a firm and solid basis, and then —." Yes! And then! "I propose" said Noah, "that the meeting be adjourned for a periox of ten years, or until the end of the war." On being put to the meeting, two voted for the motion, and two against it, the remaining twenty-five again expressing no opinion. There being two chairmen, and their casting votes being one each way, it was declared a draw, and the Cavedwellers resumed their slumber.