Wake Up, Clevedon !

Pukekohe & Waiuku Times, Volume 6, Issue 306, 31 August 1917, Page 4

Wake Up, Clevedon !

j To the Editor ' Sir—ln his letter of tho 18th August Mr Luke asks if I have any > specific charge to make, and in reply i 1 must say I have, j lam greatly dissapointed in Mr j Luke. After all the trouble I went I to in placing him in the "Cave"' j Library, he has somehow escaped. | Possibly the close presence of friend j Noah was too much fur him, and so I ho made superhuman efforts to get i away. Anyway ! To got back to my ( complaint. Mr I.uko —not content | with calling one man a ''big potato'' j now likens 1110 to a glass of Lion Ale I would remind Mr Luke that ; ale is very unpalatable unless it ran rabe a froth, and for an ale to raise a froth it must contain a certain ! amount of gas. lint what annoys me most is, that after likening me to the above men- ! tioned ale, Mr Lukejjhimself turns out to be an advertisement for i Woods' Peppermint Cure, or so it ' would appear from the note at tho • conclusion of his letter, i Now if ho had been an advertiseI mout for Johnny Walker it would [ have paired better with my froth. ! Theso pet names are getting somo- ! what astiay, and 1 think that if wo could only got in E'vmi i.-t to classify tho yhih'' . u:• iral, geological and /n ions I now Hying arc n!, !. tit t bettor classilieat:

For instant o' This being a fruit growing dKr'ut, moro or les.°, ho w>.u 1■ I ino*t probably place certain spot imeus as follows : Aj-jilos Joiiuthan : Good sort, does well in moist ground, very late variety. Munro's Favourite: Kitchen variety, inclined to he sour, does well in dusty districts, stands storms. Washington : A large variotv, good sound fruit, blightproof, does well noar reserves. Lemons—Real Donit: A very old variety, now seldom seen, more useful fur ornamental purposes, bears little fruit, requires transplanting to do well.

No doubt someone will place me in some other class, and if it were not for my "modesty" I would suggest I be put in the peaches under the name of "Up-to-date"—free-stone vaiiety, likes dry situation. Now, to get back to Mr Luke. I am afraid ho is getting mixed in his metaphors—or should I say "metacars"—in his endeavour to locate my identity, but no doubt he has been testing the efficacy of his Peppermint Cure, which—to use what I believe is a familar term at the front—was "getting his wind up," and if he would only have substituted Johnny Walker he would have had better dreams. No dcubt it was horrid of some person to place Real Donite in his gig without an introduction, but seeing that he was 'handing Mr Luke a lemon,' as our American friends would put it, he kept quiet. I would draw your attention to my tact, Mr Editor. Not many months ago it would have been "as the Yankees put it," but now you notice it is our "American Friends." Strange what new terras this war has brought about. But, as Mr Browne says 'enough.'—Yours, etc., RIP VAN WINKLE. "Tho Cave," Sleepy Hollow, August 27th, 1917.