HUMOURS OF THE AIR.

Pukekohe & Waiuku Times, Volume 5, Issue 201, 18 August 1916, Page 2 (Supplement)

HUMOURS OF THE AIR.

AMUSING ADVENTURES OF FLYING MEN. Tho a'rman has perhaps more than his share of adventure and excitement in war-time, said a R.F.C. man, who has done some very fine work at the front; but, as a rule, the humorous play's a vary minor part in his experiences. I have no funny episodes of my own worth telling; but 1 have heard a few good stories told by my colleagues in the intervals of waiting which may amuse you. There are, of course, many days when flying : s impossible, and it is at such tiin'es that airmen foregather and while away the tedious hours by spinning yarns. It was in the early spring of last year, and some of our chaps had been playing a game of football, when rv happv idea occurred to one of them. "What a lark it would be,"' this wag said, "to take up an old footer in a 'bus, drop it plump in tho middle of some sleepy old German town and scare tho l>eggars out of their wits." Capita! idea!" "Splendid!" "Bully for you, H came in a delighted chorus. An antiquated, rain-soddOn football was inflated almost to bursting point, H chalked on it the. legend, "How's your father? "and flew away with it, and an hour or so later dropped it smack in the nrddle of Middlekcrko market-nlace-. "You should just have s'een those Gorman sausauges run," said H , holding his sides, as he told the story on liis return, "it would have made a cat die of laughing. When they saw the fearsome black object swooping down towards the earth they scurried to shelter like a lot of scaned rabbits, shrieking in their fear. It fell slap in the m : ddle of the square, bounded onto, twice, and then rolledlinto a ditch. FOl a minute or two not it head showed then a fat soldier peeped nervously out of a doorway, and .gradually gaining courage, walked gingerly towards the fallen "bomb". Two or three others followed from neighbouring houses —then a woman jr two, and soon a small crowd was collected, looking fearfully at that ok! football, as if they expected'it to blow them to smithereens any moment. At last the fat .lohnny summoned up courage to roll it over'with hs foot; then, seeing at last what it was, he gave ; t a villous kick across th? road; and the group walked off. disgust written largely on their faces.

FRIGHTENED HUNS. That reminds me of n similar storv told of a naval airman who encountered a German battleship. After dropping his last bomb, he throttled down his engine and dived straight for the ship's dock as if to ra.m her. A few hundred feet from her masthead he hurled at her the last loose and throwabte thing with n his reach—a large, woolly gollywog mascot—after which ho sheered off homeward. He was so tickled watching the absurd antics of the men on deck iis the goltywog landed, that he nearly forgot to start his engine up before he turned for homfe. For cool impudence it .would not be easv to beat the feat of a Russian airman, whom I knew slightly before the war. The Russians had captured a number of German aeroplanes, and .1 occurred to this man that'it wouldn't be a bad idea to use ona of these m\ chines for a reconnaissance fight over the German lines, and, as he spoke tho enemy's language like a. native, he was prepared for any eventuality. Well, after a long flight his petrol gav? out, and be found it necessary to descend in the Boche line<. Here was a n : co predicament for any man less cool and resourceful than ro> Russian friend, but he was more than e<[iia.l to the emergency. He walked out with a smile on his face to meet the German soldiers who rushed: towards him. jabbered away to them in their own tongue as if he had known all for rears, and so completely took them in that they supplied him eagerly with the petrol to replenish lis tank. ' Then, with a wave of his hand and a eliQerv Auf wiedersehen! lie sailed away back to his own lines, to an accompaniment of cheers and shouts of "Good luck!"

MISSED THE OPPOUTFXITY. That is a good story, too. that is told of a signaller of the lloyal Engineers, who w;\s trundling Irs bicycle along a road somewhere in Flanders when he >aw a little distance ahead an aeroplane which had come down and aswathed figure standing beside it. Never suspecting that it might be an enemy machine the man walked up to tho embarassed pilot with a smife ano extended hand. The German (for such ho was) .shook : t silently and .sadly, ami wagged his head mournfully in response to the Tommy's attempts to speak to to'.m, first in English, then ill " pigeon' 1 French. TTw soldier, despairing at last of making conversation, was prooecd : ng to examine the machine when suddenly a party of Fusiliers came round the bend of the road, and m a moment took in the situation—an Iron Cross aeroplane on tho ground. Tho Fusiliers broke into a double, unslinging their rifles as they came. At this stage the soldier. for some unaccountable reason, lost his presence of mind and took to Ir's heels followed by a hail of bullets from tlu> Fusiliers, who thought he was a Botha trying to escape. Happily the aim was too hurried to be good. The soldier took a Hying leap into the ditch ny the roadside' and there awaited capture. Wh.'n he discovered—as lie soon did - that he had missed the chance of making this fine capture single-handed, his language was not fit to !■," prntcd, and the last straw was the guttural chortling of the German pilot. Another amusing story is told by one of cur finest pilots--a man who has Hon the D.S.O. and the legion ot Honour-- who was taking an untr"ed observer named M over the Gorman line-. 'I hev had got safely across when ihey saw a Taube hearing down on them at ninety miles an hour. Thens wa.- no chance of escape. '' Got the gun ready:-'" the pilot shouted to the observer. M nodded assent, and soon

In; was pouring n (Huge of bullets into ilia Taiili", not le<s thtan a hundred vanU away. "Ho gave Ivni Gehenna, I f-iin tell \ou." said the pilot when telling the'story. "At all •events, the Hoelno didn't'stick it long: down went the nose of Irs machine., and soon he was a thousand foot bAow us. I loosed off all my bombs, and missed every time. I must confess I felt a wee-bit (lurried that morning and then .M began. I never laughed so mueh in my life. He laid hands on everything, lie even hurled his map-case at that Tauhc his hat and his glasses, his revolver and lis spare cartridges. Ins pocket-knife, ami finally Ins coat. Thank goodness, there was nothing of mine in lb.' limit there or that would certainly have gone too!"

THE NAVY'S IDOL. One of the most daring and also im-pudently-amusing feats cied ted to an airman was p •rform.ed not in the nir !n;i on land ; and by it hat champion ri-ire-devil. Commander Samnson. Th. 1 G: nnans had captured a cottage and a wmdmill close to our lines and were plavin-' such hovoc with a Hanking lire

from a number of machine-guns that it was dedded at any cost to clear them out. Ono morning the Bodies saw a low, slate-coloured car rushing towards them from the British lines, followed hy a tierce fusilade, and, concluding that the car was attempting to escape from their enemies, they refrained from firing at it. Just, however, as tho car was about to enter the German lines, it pulled up suddenly and its quick-firing gun immediately began to bark. Shell after shell crashed into the cottage and windmill at point-blank range, and before tho Bodies realised the trick that had been played on them, both windmill and cottage were laid in ruins and such as survived were compelled to run ior their lives. Then the car shot back to the British lines, and a minute later Sampson (for he was the hero of the adventure) was stepping out, cool and smiling, to the accompaniment of volleys of cheers and heirtv pats on the back. I recall an amazing hoax when was plajvd about a couple of years ago— Hist before the war began—on a wedknown airman, whom we will call G . He was taking up passengers one day at Hendon when two immacu-lately-dressed men walked up to hm. One of them introduced himself as Lord Stanton Hope, and his companion as the Crown Prince of Wurtemburg. The Crown Prince proved to bo a man of charming manners, who displayed such an interest in aviation that, when Lord Stanton Hope suggested that his Royal Highness would like to make a tr'nl tn'p, G at once declared that he would be highly honoured to be allowed to take him up as a passenger. Tins offer was most graciously accepted, and H.R.H.. after professing himself delighted with his experience, departed with effusive thanks in lieu of payment which of course G would not havo taken from such a dist : nguished man. Tt vrs& only some days later that G learnt that he had Iwn the victim of a hoax—that Ins royal passenger and his companion were were no more royal or noble than himself, that, in fact, they wer,e two very ordinary youths, "out for a lark!", PEGonrs ESCAPE. Just one more story—this t:me of war—and to my mind tho best of the lot. Of course'you know Pegoud, the famous airman, whose feats of looping the loop first electrified the world a couple of years or more ago. Well, Pegoud had the misfortune to be brought down in tho German lines while flying a new French machine. He had no time before be was captured to burn the machine, and the Huns were naturally keen to know how it flow. "I am q'u'te willing to show you/' Pegoud said, with his tongue in his cheek, •'if vou will allow me to take a short exhibition flight."' "No doubt you would!" was the poring answer: "and when you are up, you wouldn't dream of flying back to your own lines again, would you?"' "Very well," said Pegoud, "if yen are so suspicious, let me take up a couple of your men. and let them sit one each ide of me with revolvers, so that I can't possibly get away." This plan seemed safe enough to the sceptical Germans, so up wont Pegoud with his two passengers. Higher and higher lie souivd until lie had reached an ajtitudo of about a cople of miles. "Don't you think," said one of the Huns nervously, "we had better go down now?" "Bv'all means, ''said Pegou(d. Ihe next instant down he shot, executed a good dean loop, saw his two companions, who were not strapped in, taking an involuntary flight to the earth, and then. w : th n chuckle, sailed away alone to his own lines.