TED'S LESSON

Pukekohe & Waiuku Times, Volume 5, Issue 187, 30 June 1916, Page 4 (Supplement)

TED'S LESSON

Mother had often warned me before my marriage not to expect too mucn. Men were kittlish cattle While a woman would have the honovmoon !■■■■-:

a lifetime, the man soon jibbed at the double harness. It seemed like that with Ted; before we were married he would hold my hands for hours; row, after but four short months, lie wanted to hold ether hands, at the club. When ho got homo from his chambers often as not he would open an evening newspaper, and answer my pleasant remarks with grunts or not at all. Amiability under such neglect is apt to get strained. I had to tell him about it.

"Yon were fond enough of billing and cooing not so long ago," I asserted. "That goes now," he answered, in that calm, unconcerned way of his that was so aggravating. "Only after a chap 's married he : s more concerned with the billing." "You should try competitions," I told him sniffily. "Smartness like that should get you a bag of nute." "That's all right, girlie," he said. "You've got to understend that a chap doesn't cotton on to apron strings." "If you can talk in that cheap way of a wife who left a good home to come to you, it show 6 " What it showed was stated at some length. Four months of marriage does not give much opening usually for raking up the past, but Ted had rll I could think of. "You promised me I could get money at the bank," I snapped. "So you can," he took me up. "Didn't I put £SO there and give you a cheque-book?" " I went yesterday, and the man told me there wasn't enough left to give me what I wanted. When I made out a cheque to the bank for £SO and told him that would put it all right, he laughed." "The ribald villain!" said Ted. That wag his way. He simply would not make the second in a quarrel, and as he never admitted there was anything to make up, there was no fun in it. Anything more annoying than a smiling reception of a bit of the mind 1 can't imagine. There was no doubt about it. Ted was growing indifferent. His very next words confirmed it. "Oh, by-the-bye, Madge, you won't mind amusing yourself on Saturday? One or two of us are going to see the Cup-tie." "Most emphatically Ido mind," I declared. "Only four months married and you want to spend your Saturdays at football. I understood you'd cut all that out?" "Did I say it!"'' he returned, smiling. "Well, you see. little woman, in my profession one must make himself agreoub'e to people who may be useful. You'll nppicciate that", J'm sure." . " It was the same moudy excu.se with golf. Of what uso iii golf to a" dentist?" 1 retorted. "One can never tell. Links within links, you know.'' "1 know this,'' I remarked, "as sure as you go to your football I go home to mother."

"She'll lie pleased," he laughed, ;oturn'ng to his newspaper. " Let's hop. it will he fine."

My li|*> tightened at. that. It came upon me in a surge of indignation that he did not care a brass button. Although he was married, and rightfully my wishes shou'd be his first consideration, he had no intention of giving up his bachelor habits. The ea-mnl, don't-be-si!ly manner in which lie had taken my threat made my blood simmer. It was very evident that to sense of appreciation Ted must, have a salutary lesson. On the spot I determined that he should have it. Mother would not be pleased to see me; but I was going, all the same.

In the courting days I had thought contemptuously of certain married ladies of our circle whose husbands' were detained at business suspiciously often. A wife who was loft outside her husband's pleasures had only herself to blame, I imagined. There would be nothing of that in our little home. Tetldv had emphatically endorsed my sentiments. "Hearts was our game, not club.-,'' he had assured mo. And here, a iter four short months, he coolly announced Ids intention of a football jaunt with one oi the very men whose wives I had pitied. Without another word I left him to his paper. If there must be civil war before the issue was settled, Teddy slue,l-1 have it. 1 had no doubt of the ultimate victory.

The city train war, just beginning to move when the porter bustled me into the compartment. I subsided with a little gasp, to meet the gaze of the other occupant, who sat in the far corner seat with an'open despatch-ease before him The gentleman was stout and rod-faced. His nose was generous, Ins evebrows bushy. A slouch hat was set on the back of his head, the grey hair beneath it was long. He looked piofe-sioual and very alert. Just for the moment I took him for John Bunny. '•Say. Nic n.e-ild, that's some risky!" he drawled. ''l beg vour pardon," 1 said, freezmgly. ''That's V>w accidents occur T guess." ht'went on. "Something like that happened to Lizzie to put me in the carl. Here's a plum gal, ready to take on any adventurous exploit in the persoot of her profession —a gal who would think nuthon' of going over Westminster Bridge in the way of business

put out of it by a sprained ankle got through going upstairs m the dark and treading on a top stair that wasn't there. Everything arranged, and the I'm! caboodle hung up because Wayward Lizzie can't put a blamed foot to the ground. You'll allow me good and plenty of reason for hot air."

" Keallv- 1 don't know you." I said, a trifle haughtily. " Wal. I guess that's soon remedied." he k turned, thrir-ting his fat fingers into his waistcoat pocket and producing a card. "You've got me on there' and all about it. Cy. Blinkhorn, from the other side, now Producer for the Anglo-'ope. the films that tickle. When the light.-, go up after the moving Ang'o, you can bet evervoi'e's feeling real happy." '■ I've i-eeii some," I told him. " Isn't tin re usually a very funny little man ' J Lei me sc ', what's his nam, '-< Kill, :I !" exclaimed the wideawake gentleman. "My bat, that'.- so. We Feature filbert, whoso phiz is his fortune. When tilings I egin to hap- ,, n to Edbert vou iusi -".id mi and laueh." "P!av : ng for the pictur , niu.-t be awfully interesting work." I remarked.

"M-vi-:-." ii'.'.rf'd Mr Rliukliorn. •• | !',,;,,1; tin- nhiyers niusl he won d-ilu'ly clever."

i By .JOHN" J. AI{MSTUOX(«,

;"I Tlie Romantic Adventures of a Woman who l\\"i«*cte<l i'? a Honeymoon to Last a Lifetime.

;£ In "Sheffield Weekly Telegraph."

"Wal, I allow they need some intelligence, but the slick action you get on the reel ain't achieved without Mime ruffled hair on the part of the producer. They've got <o possess certain essentials, the chief being ability to carry on the action without being conscious of the turning handle. Now you. if I may say ot, have got 'em good. You're right smart. If anybody could do the little part in this scenario that Lizzie's hung up, you're that gal.'' "You think so?" I said, with my nieosi smile.

"Sure tiling!" relumed Mr. Cy. "It's part ot my profession to spot the like'y player. This is the greatest Filbert fi in yet—a screamer, and we'ro stalled' for a sprained ankle. Everybody ready few business, the release promised for ne::t week, and uore J am in the blamed hutch."

"Look here," he added desperately, "If it's a liberty, sav so; but if you'd care to do the part, you get us ill joyful, and. say, ten pounds ' ir the service."

"You think I could?" I said, playing with the delightful idea. "I do so." he returned dead 'd'y. "The part is of the lightest, but essential. Let me give you a bald resume, and you'll tell me. Filbert finds » }'■'-■ ket for a swell soiree and goes. Aft.'r cavortin' in the Hesitation, he meo-s a charming gal in the conservatory, pod is some smitten. No t day he vriies a letter making an appo.ntincnt, v.hicn comes into the hands oi the inoMier, a grim lady who v ants to know int.Mtions if a stranger looks sideways. The gal agrees to meet him in the park, and while they are dallying, the mo:hw appears. Out of that, meeting Fil'i; ri emerges Inuitipbe.ntly. having impressed the dame by 'lis exaggerated polish that he is in Debrctt Follows an .«i----vitation to dine in town and do a theatre. He lixes the meeting i; the veiii bub 1 of the hotel. On the way, sprue ■ 1 up for Ihe occasion—&ome spruce, you bet —a woman rcogn iseo her long lest husband on the top of a 'bus, p'an'ss her baby into his arms, and races nfcer it, full cry. His subsequent adventures until the denouement at the hotel can be skipped; but, read the scenario, and say what about you for the charming ingenue?"

"I've done a little amateur acting." I informed him with a smile. .Mr Cy. rubbed liifi hands. "Little RiH, if von say it we proceed/' lie said. "Are yon at liberty to z"i bin.y right away?"' "1 was going to see mother, but it will do just as well to-morrow," 1 told him. ''To-morrow we him the ], it of lovemaking in the park," «iitl Mr Cy. "Come right a'ong, and I'll get you acquainted." "To-morrow w« film the bit ol lovemaking " The thought set me laughing merrily. This meeting with Mr Cy. was fortuitous. It ptruck me that after all there might be no need to visit mother. "You're good? " lie asked. "Youve onlv got to tell m<v' T .uiid. "1 think it's going to be fine, Led remarked, looking up from his paper -..(. breakfast.

This remark, in view of the strained relations, was treated wth the icy contempt it deserved. Outwardly calm, hut feeling very happy, 1 replaced 'he letter 1 had been reading in the envelope. "Who's th.' billet irom? he asked. "That's my affair," 1 to'd lum. "A wile should have no secrets from he-- lawful wedded husband,' 1 he said. "I. don't a-k you to pass it over." The lint was ignored. "You were hoping it would snow-"

he suggested. •' Indeed 1 was no!," I snapped. "Well, remember me kindly to mo tlicr," he said.

" You can save your sncirs tor your precious friend-,"' I told him, as 1 bounced no from the table Having not the least suspicion that something like this scene, leading up to the indignant exit, had been rehearsed in my mind, lis laughed. The laugh suddenly ceased as 1 icached the door. Oblivious to the loss, as he sup-pes-nl, the letter 1 had stuffed into my waistbelt had fallen to the floor. 1 had judged that, I eiug naturally curious to know its contents after my refusal to show it, be would not mention the fact. He did not. While 1 slood expectant in tiie hall, I. beard him move, and. smiling. 1 ran upstairs. The letter had been an in-piration. li, wis no less than the scrawled request for the meeting in the park from the impressionable Filbert, which would figure on the screen. Everybody concerned in the production had proved most friendly, After the taking I had begged the letter ati the souvenir of a delightful experience. The professions were a little extravagant, I,ut as -Mr Cy. truly remarked, in film work you've got to get ; t o-er the band in once. I rather fancied that the finding oi that letetr would lead to developments. When I came down about anp hour later, dressed lor the part in my goingawav gown, it was to find Ted looking ns if he had gone through a severe mental struggle. While pulling on my .rSves L hummed a snatch of song. According to -Mr Cy. these little touches of effect were all io the good oi the picture- , . , ~ , Ted would net be a. unit in the toothall crowd that afternoon. His set expression clearly demonstrated that ho was thinking things. Mr Cy. had arranged all the details, and was (pule ready to begin serious business when I arrived at the appointed spot. __ •■| «r, U v;s you've got the hang, he .>,id. '"'You advance along this stretch and take the seat by the pond While vou're feeding the -wans, hlbert approaches. His arm about yon. waist is tl„. cue for mo'.her. Kxplanations are demanded, n card is presented, ami vou -Troll off togetlu*-. ehatt.ng ainical.lv We'll just roe. through it l.efore the bov switches on the reproducer. On Hie command he .joined the operator behind a shrub, from where at intervals, as the action proceeded, He he'lowed directions. »S-v che-ild. vou're out to mac. n l.e.'-u. You o into locus witu a lrl |.,.1., So that'll do it Now a .o'uch of the wistful a- 'Tie enmoth not. she said: and .bat gets you to tie ~i-ettv bit* J'»"«.v- ; J ,nt ]; s °" ! ,1 !.„,. Now. bov ye for the joyl.l meeting. Thai'- tae expres-ion gal. What funny thing- the. wind h.m,i,. " |ei the hiught >' ripple a! h< m'eVrv nst. F<lge awiy on the sea> !I .;lhelo.'ward boy ed-s nearer.. Di. n ,-.. . lt i, M t : oi- in shocked -orpine to oi.'lull, n-iing en ,1, back .I to; ~,,, A, i-,.1.1 hi, anclogies p.racel ml.. Appear'suiihnglv oblivious to t m re'xt ;,.t .;e.|,| .Hill. >' "0- e,|e. lll'll.H I . i! e •bid-vou-evei ' ~.,,. N -,„ easilv was Mr <\v. -ati-fad : hut after various suggn-tmns •>! added mu-

Thee, he al'owed we might risk tin him.

The Eccne of operations lay in a secluded d'p, at the hour of two o'clock unlikely to be visited; but to prevent interruption Mr Cy. Nad squared the park-keepers. Conscious only of the part, I did not at first observe his frantic waving of the anus. Filbert was in the act of attempting the first, embrace, when, with a .yell to the operator to hold up, Ik- raced from behind the shrub as if suddenlv demented.

One glance I got of Ted with squared jaw, and battle in his blazing eyes, before, like a whirlwind, he was on poor Filbert.

Deaf to protests, heedless of wrigghs, ho seized him by the collar and shot him into the pond. For some seconds we stood staring, open-mouthed; then as Filbert scrambled our, we had to laugh. In his extravagant get-up, slime-covered and gasping, he had never in all his experience appeared so ridiculous. "Say, Cy.," he spluttered, "if this is your bright idea of an added scream I quit right now." "Added scream!" Mr Cy threw out bis hands. "My hat!"

"When you're quite ready, madam,'' said Ted with chilling politeness The paik-kceper appeared at a run. to become the butt of Mr Cy's fury. "Say, you, you slab-sided hobo, what in thunder d you mean by letting this madman through? Didn't I h.'ame well. . . ? Dodged, be hanged! Here's twenty feet wasted, and we've got to take the hull tarnation biz. again. And you"—this to smiling Ted —"what do you think you get for butting in. you iill-fired goat ?" "1 know what I'll get/ whined poor Filbert. "Say, boy, get me to the lodge fire, and let mo shed these duds. Cy., you got to put that fellow away. He's dangerous.'' Ted looked round as if a trifle bewildered; then, as Jimmy appeared with his machine, dawning comprehension forced the merry laugh. I had to laugh with him. Anything funnier than the miserable Filbert as he squelched along the path I can't imagine. "Tins gets you a month, my joker! ' stormed Mr Cy. "Who is this delightful old party, Madge?" asked Ted. "And who was the rabbit?" " Party !. . Rabbit!" The purple face of the outraged producer was a study. "See ncre," he cried, as he thrust out his card. "That's me, and all about me. If you think you can come ri'dit here and chuck my leading man into a duckpond without provocation

"You're mistaken, my choleric old friend," said Ted, coolly. "This lady is my wife." "'Your wife !" I couldn't check the bubbling jaugh tor. ilr Cv. looked so utterly dirsgti.s f ed

Say vnu, Jim," ho trot out presently, "get a mow on. This blamed fixing is postponed." I am bound to say I was surprised at Tod. . Not for a moment did T imagine that behind his air of unconcern lay the will to do desperate deeds. It seemed that after all T had no cause tor anxiety. He was quite sound in Ins affection. Although we returned in merry mood, it iviw plain to see the lesson had

gone home. ' We saw that Filbert film together. I think T might have acted the partquite as well as Waywa.'d Lizzie, hut, strangely enough, my ambition to shinas a picture player has entirely gone. T have something much more interesting to think about, and it haw dawned on the dear boy at last that he is a luckv husband.