THE RESULT

Pukekohe & Waiuku Times, Volume 5, Issue 181, 9 June 1916, Page 1 (Supplement)

THE RESULT

Modern Fairy: "Which do you choose for your son. wealth or wisdom?" ou.jg Mother; *' Wisdom. Wit'i wisdom ho can obtain wealth; but with wealth ho cannot obtain wisdom," Fairy: "Sounds well; but—have your way." I'orty years later, lie was familiar with science, art, literature, geogiapliy. history, etc.. and could speak ton languages; but for a living he was writing a biography of Mr. Fatpurse, the great sausage maker!

THE BOY SCORED. The "fit-up" drama was in full swing, when the impassioned rantings of Theophi'us .Tones, the seedy hero, were interrupted by the booings of a rude urchin in the "gods." This was an outrage that could not be allowed to go unrebuked, even in the midst of a tragedy. Pausing in his speech, and ad vane, ing to the oil lamps, Theophilus addressed his audience: "Ladies and gentlemen," he hissed, "five years a;;o I lost a monkey, and it has turned up hero to-night in the gallery." The applause that greeted this brilliant remark had hardly died away when the voice of the small boy rose 011 the air.

"What did yea do with the organ? it asked, blandly.

Grocer : \\ hat have yo 1 been doing i.l the cellar so long?" Grocer's Appntico: "I 1: ;ve been cleaning out the treacle (pi rt ineasiK* It was • o choked up tiiat it didn't hold me.c'n half a quart." Grocer: "Oh, that's what you hive breu doing. law you? Well, you lake your I a; .nd homo, and tell your father to put .veil into the h,r. t'e-wiish-•ng trade. Vou a'u't litted for the groe-'ry ousin Mrs. Xurieh : ' I told Widow Downey t'> s. nd her !tov to you and you'd givv him a _t>os;tieti — Mr. Xuriel, : "Well. I didn't giv« him no position. He came with a note ftom her. an' she said in the note, 'I most find cmn'nyment for my I oy, oven if lie works for 1 mere pittance.' The nerve of her eallin' 1110 "a, mere pittance!"