SPARKS.

Putaruru Press, Volume VII, Issue 293, 20 June 1929, Page 7

SPARKS.

In the Madeira Islands the novel method of organising a lottery is adopted to sell used cars. There is no lottery in New Zealand. The keynote of any plan to relieve traffic congestion should be “go ” and not “ stop.” P.C. : “ Well, if you’re not a vagrant, what is your job? ” Tramp : “ I’m a professional third party in motor accidents.” “ There goes another non - stop driver.” “ What is that ? ” “ Oh, just a fellow looking for a parking place.” Small Son : “ Daddy, what do you call a man who drives a car ? ” “It depends on how close he comes to me.”

Wife (about to start out motoring) : “ George, don’t you think mother ought to wear a veil? ” The Brute : “ What for? When I open out no one will see her long.” “ I’m buying a washing machine for my wife as a birthday present.” “That will be a surprise, eh?” “ Yes, quite. She’s expecting a new car.” To careful drivers slippery pavements offer a test of their ability to drive carefully ; to reckless drivers they are merely a field day. A short wait at a level crossing may save a long one at a hospital. A humorist has remarked that a motor car with one horn can toss a man further than a bull with two. Many a wing is broken in trying to fly—past the other car. A driver has to learn to skid exactly as he learns to steer or reverse. “ Papa, what is a pedestrian ? ” “ A man whose wife has learned to drive a car.” We’ve buried poor Sarah, She wasn’t quite bright. She would give left signals. Then turn to the right. “ That’s a small engine for such a big car, isn’t it? ” “ Oh, it’s small, all right. You see, it smoked a lot when it was young.”