OFFICIAL REGULATIONS.

Putaruru Press, Volume VI, Issue 242, 21 June 1928, Page 3

OFFICIAL REGULATIONS.

OLD COUNTRY VIEWPOINT. Humorous Satire. New Zealand farmers are not the only ones who consider themselves harassed by a multitude of official regulations.” A Tokoroa correspondent forwards '.he following satire by “ Jan Stewer,” showing that farmers in the West of England evidently view with " pained resignation v arious edicts which have been issued for their benefit. The Rules and Regulations of the Milk and Dairies Order according to “ Jan ” are as follow:—

First of all, says this report, cowsheds must be ready for inspection at any time of the day or night by “ the local sanitary authority, inspector of cruelty to animals, school attendance officer, council surveyor, medical officer of health, boy scouts, girl guides, the local policeman, bellman, rate colfector, fire brigade captain and district nurse.” The section dealing with cowsheds contains the following:—

“ All cowsheds must face towards the .south. Any that face towards the north must be turned round or pulled down and rebuilt. A ten pound j fine is imposed for each cowshed fac- ; ing in the wrong direction. “ All cowsheds must he furnished with easy chairs and sofas, so that the cows can rest comfortably after meals. A piano or organ should be provided if the farmer or any of his hands can play, or, failing this, a gramophone or wireless set should be installed, as cows are fond of music. “ Every cow should have her own private looking glass so that she can see if her horns are on straight. Powder puffs are advisable, but this older will not be strictly enforced. “ A good carpet should be provided to cover the floor. Oilcloth or | linoleum will not meet the require- i ments of the Order because they | strike cold to the cows’ feet. Each cow must be provided with a bell so that she can call an attendant should she need anything in the night.” A penalty of five pounds will be incurred if cows look miserable and fed up. Everything, therefore, should be done to make them happy and comfortable. After fixing the temperature for the cows’ night and morning baths, the rules continue:— u Cows must be allowed to sit down when they are being milked; or if they prefer to walk the milkers

must move accordingly. On no account must the cows be offended. Anybody vexing a cow will be fined £5. “ Cows must not be compelled to sleep in the dark if they don’t like it. Electric light must be installed where practicable. “ On no account must cows be made to drink out of the same vessels as the men. If there are not sufficient buckets to go round the cows must have preference and drink first. If they take an objection to drinking from buckets, cups and saucers should be provided.

Provisions in Case of Sickness. “If the grass is damp each cow must be provided with four slippers to prevent its catching cold. In the event of this happening, however, the cow affected must be made to wear flannel next to the skin and be provided with hot-water bottles at night. If she coughs more than once the farmer must send at once for the medical officer and give notice to the chairman of the local education authority and the inspector of weights and measures.”

Milkers have a special set of instructions issued for their benefit. Here are some of them:— “ Milkers must not speak in angry tones to cows. If they wish a cow to move to one side or the other, they must prefix their polite request with ‘ please.’ Cows are very sensitive, and their milk is liable to be spoiled if they are spoken to rudely or abruptly. If a cow should in a humorous sort of way put its tail in the milk pail such terms as ‘ bother it,’ or ‘ dear, dear ’ may be used, but harsh expletives or profanity are not permitted. A fine of £5 is imposed for a breach of this Order.”

This table of regulations is concluded with the following terse notice:—

«The above regulations are the first of the series. If it should be found that any farmers or dairymen are still making a living, the Goveminent will issue some more.”