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Poverty Bay Standard, Volume I, Issue 145, 31 May 1884, Page 2

No one is useless in this world who lightens the burden of it for anyone else. When a man has no design but to speak speak plain truth, he may say a great deal in a very narrow compass. If we did but know how little some enjoy of the great things they possess, there would not be much envy in the world. It is said that it is unhealthy to sleep in feathers. We don’t believe it, for look at the spring chicken, and see how tough he is. A lazy boy was complaining that his bed was too short, when his father sternly replied, “ That is because you are too long in it, sir.” Hood, driving in the country one day, observed a notice beside the f r nce, “ Beware of the dog.” There not being any sign of a dog, Hood wrote on the board, “ Ware be the dog?” An Irish gentleman who had been spending the evening with a few friends looked at his watch, just after midnight, and said, “ It is to-morrow morning; I must bid you goodnight, gentlemen.” Fame confers a rank above that of gentleman and of kings. As soon as she issues her patent of nobility, it matters not a straw whether the receipient be the son of a Bourbon or a tallow chandler. A lady gave a burglar a very severe flogging with a dusting brush the other night. She said she wouldn’t have done it if she hadn’t been under the impression that it was her husband just coming home. “ Why do they call the man who gets married the groom, pa ?” asked a little boy. “ Because he curries favour with his mother-in-law,” was the reply, “ and tries to saddle his debts on his wife’s father.” A doctor obligated himself to cure a man’s wife, but failed. “ You said vou would cure her,” exclaimed the indigant husband. “ Yes, I said so.” “Well, why didn’t you?” “ Why, my dear sir, because she died. If she hadn’t died the chances are she would have lived.” Nothing is so great an instance of illmanners as flattery. If you flatter all the company, you please none. If you flatter only one or two you affroui the rest. “ Pat,” said a gentleman who was fond of using high-sounding phraseology, to his man* of-all-work, “ I am going to town at ten o’clock, and shall weed out the cucumber beds in the interim.” “Interim?” thought Pat. “ That’s a mighty quare name for a garden anyhow.” “Is Mr. Smith at home ?” asked a visitor who called shortly afterwards. “Yis, sorr; Ye’ll find him at work in his interim, there beyant,” announced Pat.