Our Somnolent Reporter Asleep at the Novelty Show.

Poverty Bay Standard, Volume X, Issue 1113, 3 August 1882, Page 2

Our Somnolent Reporter Asleep at the Novelty Show.

Well, I must again admit that the unfortunate habit of going to sleep has once more overtaken me, and that I slumbered in the shop Mr Bailey has rented for the purpose of disposing of his American novelties. On this occasion, however, I have an excuse which I trust you will accept as being a good and valid one. This is how it occurred. As I entered the store I noticed a chair, and believing that sitting was much more pleasant than standing, I sat. Now Mr Bailey has some cement which he asserts cannot be beaten, and I assure you that he is right. How it exactly happened I can hardly tell, but I found on attempting to rise that the chair came with me. I struggled and exerted all my strength to relieve myself of this most unpleasant adjunct to the seat of my pants, but it was no use, and as I saw Sergt. Bullen and Constable Farmer outside I was in a dilemma. I had three choices, two of which were objectionable. One was to boldly walk out with the attached ohair, and the other to leave my “ Oh, no, wo never mention ’ems,” or at any rate a very important portion of them, anil make my way home as best I could; and the last, to remain calmly and go to sleep. This latter course I adopted. Had I gone out with the appended chair I might have been arrested for petty laroeny, and had 1 gone out without the seat of my continuations if nothing worse had happened I should have been considerably laughed at, therefore I slumbered, It must have been somewhere in the neighborhood of midnight when I awoke. The place was brilliantly lighted by means of Kerr’s safety lamps and my astonished gaze met a sight which would have rendered a loss gtrong nerved man a hopeless lunatic. First of all I saw inumerablo Antipopijikikumotuarie scooting around in a most insane manner. Some of them came unpleasantly close, but hampered as I was with that terrible ohair, I couldn’t well escape, and consequently I received severe bodily injuries. Next the Gyroscopes whirled and twisted on imaginary strings, and at all sorts of angles—so much sb in fact, that had I cared to run the risk of imprisonment for feloniously stealing, taking, ana carrying away a ehair, attached to me more than any sweetheart ever was, I couldn’t have done it. They seemed to wander about up yonder in the air, on the floor, and occasionally I had them taking up their abode in my auricular organs, or roosting on the tip of my cornucopia ; suddenly they dosiatod and made room for an alligator. Now I have really nothing personally to say against alligators, but when one comes fooling along with a cork-screw to you it is only natural to expect that he has a bottle handy. This alligator was a different sort of bird. He had within himself a whole host of different things, but had neglected to conceal even a pint-bottle of Crawford’s XXX about his person. Following this a concert ensued, and the Hydropult, a perfectly novel instrument, played with considerable effect, “ Watering the garden,” “ Put the fire out,” “ Keep the footpaths cool and your windows clean,” and a number of other airs. There was a canary bird accompaniment which would have rendered the music most delightful, had I not become so closely linked with that infernal chair. When the grey dawn was breaking I could sit it no longer, but seizing my pocket-knife, and effectually using it, I left the chair and a portion of my nether garments and escaped. lam sorry, but I won’t promise never to go to sleep again. All that I will assure you of is that I shall never again sit down when I know Bailey and Kerr’s cement is in the vicinity.