Our Somnolent Reporter at the Police Court.

Poverty Bay Standard, Volume X, Issue 1109, 29 July 1882, Page 2

Our Somnolent Reporter at the Police Court.

Can anyone keep our Reporter awake ? A big reward is promised by the proprietors of the Standard if this much desired end can be attained. We do not like to give him his conge, but we certainly must protest strongly against him bringing in a report such as follows :— RESIDENT MAGISTRATE'S COURT. Fedbuaby 31SI, 1884. [Before a White and Black Gentleman], (Memo, to the P. D., not necessarily for publioation , what on earth does the aboriginal ait on the Bench forP) “ Silence in the Coort" having, as required by Act of Parliament, been called out by Constable , a venerable gentleman took his seat in an easy—well, we may as well tell ths truth—he essayed to sit upon a chair, but as an important end of a useful article termed a pin happened to be on business just then he, without apologising, arose, and bowing to all present and afterwards feeling with his hand before again sitting down, at last ensconced himself in that ever to be revered “ Chair of Justice." Ones again the powerful lungs of Const, were exercised, and such remarks as “ take off yer hat," and “ Put yer, self right by standing more to the left," rang through the capacious Justice Hall. “Call the first case," said the Bench, and the abo, riginal sitting by the side of the European official nodded his assent, at the same tjiqe producing about five quires of foolscap, and a pencil nearly seven inches in length. Honi Honi, looking about as mean as a skinned rabbit, entered the box, and was then accused under the 87th clause of the “ Mad Dog Act," with having, wilfully, unlawfully, ana wrongfully, with malice aforethought, auq against the peace and dignity of Her Majesty the Queen, partaken of two consecutive glasses of ginger ale, made and manufactured or reputed to nave been made and manufactured by one (we have purposely left the name out) contrary to the law and statute in such case made and provided. The Court Interpreter remarked jocularly to the prisoner—“ Moliio to go a hoe te Harbopka te marore panti, running up and down the beach with a man on his back." The Bench i Mr Interpreter, have you put the question in an intelligible manner to the accused. The Interpreter: Pure and unadulterated Maori your Worship. A. consultation was then he)d between the white and black brothers (all men are brothers) on the Bench, and the latter remarked “ Kahori" and e mhoi korera. The Chairman said he quite agreed with his friend on his right, and for the matter of that so did the reporters, who we may mention speak Maori as fluently as Natives— Natives of the Highlands of Sootland, The Interpreter i Honi Honi incanttquet. omnei intentagua ora tenebant ex nihil fit. A voice in the crowd ; Bully for Nihil the man who fit, but what was bis weight ? “ Silence in the Coort" was once more proclaimed, and the patron of prize fights suddenly found himself outside the precincts of the Court, having been passed out schooner tigged, thus saving the Government the trouble of rolling a portion of the gravelled walk prior to reaching the turnstile. The poor dear aboriginal in the dock looked down in the mouth and wept, but flan enterprising bootmaker who happened to be present, offered to lay JO to 1 it was not so much for the sudden ejectment of the admirer of the noble art as it was for the peculiar manner in which the European on the Bench kept eyeing him, and there is no doubt hg would have won the on. (pardaa the pu»), The seven-inch pencil still retained its length and the five quires of foolscap were as clean and pure as when they were supplied to the Government, but nearly all the spectaeles in Nasmith’s and Good Bros’, shops had been used upon the prisoner and he felt it. When a man is looked at straight with the eyes of bis judge, then through glasses of different hues and shades, it is only natural that he would feel uncomfortable. This was exactly Honi Honi's trouble. The Interpreter having handed a handkerchief to the prisoner with which to wipe away his tears, said— Sin tran.it, makes us laugh i Qloria mundi, shandy-gaff, To this the accused responded, “ Bight you are says Moses.” ’ " The white and blook brethren haring again consulted, recorded a pica of “Guilty but without intent, ” and he wm therefore discharged, but before leaving tbe box was presented with £2O as a Government award for not having expressed any contempt for the Court. The Court rose at 4 a.m., and eur reporter arose about half-an-hour later.