HOW HE CARVED THAT TURKEY.

Patea Mail, Volume II, Issue 184, 13 January 1877, Page 2

HOW HE CARVED THAT TURKEY.

There is nothing a young unmarried man likes better than to go to a dinner at the bouse of a friend and to be asked to carve the turkey. He never carved' a turkey in bis life, and with an old maid on one side of him watching him closely, and on the other side a fair girl of whom be has a tenderness, he feels embarrased when be begins. • First lie pushes the knife down towards one of tlie thigh joints. He can’t find the joint, and lie plunges the knife around in search of it until he makes mincemeat out of the whole quarter of the fowl. Then he sharpens his knife and tackles it again. At last while making-a terrific dig he hits the joint suddenly and

the leg flies into the maiden hoy's lap while her dress-front is covered with a shower of stuffing. Then he goes for the oth’M- leg, and when the young lady fells him he looks warm, the weather seems to him suddenly to become 400 degtees wanner. This leg ho finally pulls loose with his fingers, He lays it on the edge of the plate, and while he is hacking at the wing he gradually pushes the leg over on the clean tibh c’oth, and when lie picks it up it slips from his hand into the gravy dish and splashes the gravy around for six square yards. Just as he has made up his mind that the turkey has no joints to its wings, the hosts asks him if he thinks the Indians can really he civilized ? The girl next him laughs, and he says he will explain his views upon the subject alter dinner. Then he sops his brow with his handkerchief and presses (lie turkey so hard with the fork that it slides off the dish and upsets a goblet of water on the girl next to him. Nearly frantic, he gouges away again at the wings, gels them off in a mutilated condition, and digs into the breast. Before he can cut any off, the host asks him why he don’t help out the turkey. Bewildered, lie puts both legs on a plate and bands them to the maiden lady, and while taking her plate in return knocks over (he gravy-dish. llu then sits down with the calmness despair and fans himself with a napkin, while the servant girl clears up and t ikes the turkey to (he other end of the table. He did’nt discuss the Indian question that day. He goes home right after dinner and spends the night trying to decide whether to commit suicide or to take lessons in carving.— Philadelphia Bulletin.