HAVE YOU HEARD THESE?

Otaki Mail, 1 November 1922, Page 3

HAVE YOU HEARD THESE?

SOME WITTY STORIES. A recent number of “ Humour” fa fortnightly magazine of witty stories, pictures and jokes), which has just came to hand, contains, as usual, a f«ast of witticisms gathered front nil parts of the world. We clip several of the funny paranc] reproduce them below. Where the Piano Failed. a. had been sent to a certain house 1u tune the piano. He found the-in-strument in good condition, and not in the least in the need of attention. A few days later his employer received a letter from the owner of the piano—a lady of would-be musical accomplishments—stating that the piano had not been properly tuned. “It was,” she stated, “no better than before.” The hapless tuner received a severe reprimand from his employer, and then sent out to make another trip. Arriving at the house, he again examined the instrument, and clearly there was nothing the matter with it. This time he told the lady so. “Yes,” she admitted, “it does seem all right—doesn’t it?—when you play bn it; but as soon ns I begin to sing it gets out of tunc.”

Forewarned. “William.” said Mrs Peekem, sternly. “did you ever stop to think that someone might steal me from you-when you are away?” “Well,” answered little Mr Peekem. thoughtfully. “I was .. lit tie alarmed when a horse thief was prowling through these parts last week.” Mrs Peekem stiffened up haughtily. “A horse thief, did you say. William?” “Yes, ray dear. I heard he carried off two or three nags from this district.” > ' Her Complaint.

I The telephone bell rang and the bookkeeper answered it. “A’es. madam, this is Wilkins.” “This Is Mrs Blank. I want you to know that the liver you sent me is most unsatisfactory. It’s not calf’s liyev at all; calf’s liver is lender and ” “Just a moment. [ madam, and 111 call the proprietor.” “What is it?” Wilkins asked. The bookkeeper surrendered the telephone, j “Mrs Blank.” she said—“liver com-j plaint.” , How It Lasted. “You say you’ve worn this hat three I year;,” said the hatter. “Wonderful! | It looks like new.” “Yes, three years j I’ve worn it,” said the customer. “Once I had it reblocked, twice I got it cleaned, and once I changed it in a restaurant for a brand new one. .