DODGING THE MILITIA FINE.

Otago Daily Times, Issue 108, 21 March 1862, Page 6

DODGING THE MILITIA FINE.

In days_ gone by, when the objectionable militia laws wei-e in force in old Massachusetts, the customary draft was made in a country town a few" miles from Boston, and a notice to appear armed aud equipped, according to law was left at the boarding-house of a. wag-, who possessed very little martial urasje in his soul. Detgnnined that he would neither train nor pay a fine, and entertaining withal a very indifferent opinion of the utility of the system, he took no notice of the summons. ■ .'

Having been duly warned, however, as he expected, at the expiration of a few week's, the sergeant waited upon him with a bill of nine shillings, for non-atten-dance at the muster.

You're fined, sir—nine shillings, for non-attendance at the muster. : - .

What is if? said the wag, i ■retending to misundor stand tlie collector.

Fine for not tniiiiing, bawled the other. Shan't pay it fellow. It will be three dollars the next time I call. But tr.e wag couldn't hear a word that he said, aiw in the course.of another month he received a peremptory summons to ap) ear forthwith at a court martial in "the district, instituted for the purpose of 'trying delinquents, and collecting &uch lines as could im soared out of the iian-peribrmers of duty. Having fixed upon a final plan to dodge the issue, at the appointed hour he waited upon the said court, to miow cause, if any ho had, why he shouldn't willingly have toted a musket .and knapsack <il>out the town to twelve mortal hours, and ofclierwi.se peri'oj m the legal annual duties of a live, patriot. . He was ushered into the .court-room, immediately —which was in an old country house, where he »<jl"w-some-three or four persons sealed attired m ny regimentals •' vaJler euoletts " were enough to command the attention and respect of the profoundest beholder. Though somewhat disconcerted at the exhibition of spm-s and buttons, he put a bold face on the matter, and responding to the directions ot the junior member of the the august court, he advanced to the table, and the chief functionary commenced, the examination. Your name' sir 1 The offender placed his hand quickly on his ear, without uttering a word Or moving a muscle in his face. What is your name ? repeated the questioner in a louder tone. A little louder said the wag, without replying, Name'! shouted the judge. Taunton, Bristol county. What business do you follow 1 Main-street said the delinquent. Your business '! yelled the officer. Itight hand side as you go up How long have you 1.-een there ] About two miles and a half How old are you fellow '! continued the judge nervously. lloss carpenter. What tiie divel is the matter with your ears ? Dr. Searpie's oil, sometimes. What sir! S nuiimes Corelem's ointment. Vv liy d-jii't you answer me 1 Nearly five years. He's as deaf as an adder, remarked the judge, turning round to his subordinates earnestly—clear the lubber out. You are not liable to perform military duty, said the'secretary, with his mouth, to the wag's earl I know that, said the follow coolly. His hearing improves, ventured the Sergeant. What do you suppose we sit here for? asked the judge. " ' ' , A dollar and a half a day answered the prisoner. " He may go, Mr Sergeant. You can go ; said the under officer, pointing the door. But our friend took no notice of the order. You may go! yelled the judge. Good God? is it possible that a man can be so deaf as all that 1 I ca?i't say, continued the delinquent, pretending not to understand, but I should think— Go—go! screamed the judge. There's nothing to pay. The Lord pity the colonel who had a regiment like" you to command. Show him the door, major. ' And our hero soon found himself at liberty. He was never summoned again to train; during his residence in Taunton. . . Bear, in a Drawing-room.-—John Hunter (the great surgeon) had no sympathy -with his wife's poetical aspirations, still less with the society which those aspirations led her to cultivate. Grudging the time which the labors of practice prevented him "from devoting to the pursuits of his museum and laboratory, ho could not i estrain "his too irritable temper when Mrs Hunter's frivolous amusements deprived him of the quiet requisite for study, liven the fee of a patient who called him from his dissecting instruments could not: reconcile him to the interruption. " I must g-o," he would say, reluctantly, to his friend Lynn, when the living summoned him from his investigations among the dead, " and earn his d—d guinea, or 1 shall be sure to want it to morrow." Imagine the wrath of such a man, finding on his return from a long day's work, his house of musical, proiessors, connoisseurs, and; fashionable idlers—in fact, all the confusion and hubbub and heat of a grand party, which his lady had forgotten to inform him was that evening to come off ! Walking (straight into the middle of the principal .raception roomi he faced roun 1 and surveyel his unwelcome guests, who were not.a little surprised to Bee him—dusty, toil-worn, and grim—so unlike what " the man of the house" ought to be on such an occasion. "I know notliing," was his brief address to the astonished crowd— -'"l know nothing of this kick-up, and I ought to have, been informed of it beforehand; but, as I have now returned home to study, I hope the present company will retire." Mrs Hunter's drawing-rooms were speedily emptied. What would Sir Creswell Ciesswell's juries think of such ferocious conduct on the part of a martial respondent?—''A Book about Doctors.'— By J. Jefferson. .