LADIES' COLUMN.

Oamaru Mail, Volume IV, Issue 981, 11 June 1879, Page 4 (Supplement)

LADIES' COLUMN.

LETTERS TO FARMERS' DAUGHTERS. MARRIAGE. My Dear Girls, —In touching upon the theme of marriage I would do it reverently, as it is no trifling subject. Nothing is more revolting than the manner in which some are given to speak of this contemplated relation, accompanied with nods, wiuks, and sly inuendos. You, my dear girls, are contemplating this relation as a possible or settled matter, and if I could induce any of you to look more earnestly and reverently upon this life union, before yon take the step which is to baptise yon with blesiing and joy; or wring your heart with anguish, I should indeed be happy. The young are apt to regard marriage a3 the ante-chamber of heaven. That it is designed to increase the good and happiness of our race is indeed true, but " it takes us by the hand and leads us into the great temple of life, where duties stand ministering 'round the' solemn altar, and the baptism of love is followed by the quick discipline of trial." Several important facts connected with, and duties obligatory upon, married life should be thoroughly canvassed and pondered by all.

Children should not marry. A young woman cannot be considered in any sense prepared for this nnion under twenty-one ; twenty-five is better. She is not physically or mentally developed before this. Solemn duties, cares and responsibilities await her, to meet which she needs large physical development, mature jndgment, trood calculation. domestic training, knowledge of men and things. Girls of sixteen and eighteen cannot have these. They cannot tell what they really like or dislike—who and what will meet their necessities—until matured themselves. In that mysterious relation where soul meets face to face with another soul; where propensities, tastes, aspirations, powers, and wills meet and press against each other, what need for adaptation, intimate and vital union! Else what chafing, discord, suffering! Young women should not be so impressed with the duty, privileges, and eclat of marriage as to rush into the relation without due thought, time, and acquaintance. Ton cannot over-estimate the importance of a thorough knowledge of the man whom you design to many. Uprightness, fixedness of prin!ciple,.an unselfish and generous disposition, and good business abilities, should be regarded as indispensable. - If a young man is a good son and brother, he. will make a kind husband, provided you do your part. Do not be won by trifles. A handsome face, fine figure, and noble bearing may he

desired, but they constitute a small part of what you really need. ■ They may be but the gilt-which hides some terrible deformity', and which by-and-by, will cause you emotions of disgust, terrible grief, or constant unrest. It is not wise to aspire far above your present station in life, as this would give rise to solicitude lest you should fail to "adapt yourself to your changed circumstances. Marriage should not be entered iipon without a knowledge of its physiological laws, else much domestic mysery may be expected. Neither should it be sought for worldly gain or position. True esteem and affection, united to adaptation and congeniality of tastes, should form its basis. When this'does not" exist before marriage, it is hopeless to expect it afterwards. You must look out for breakers ahead, and feed the flame of love with pure oil. You will need fully as much I tact, skill and patience, to manage another heart as your o«'n. If you cannot think alike, bs resolved to yield rather than to differ. Avoid altercation and recrimination. Be forbearing and forgiving, if need be. I would also suggest that those graces and cliarms which won a lover's heart be still kept for the husband. Never consider it too much trouble, to dress tastefully and in your best for your husband's eye. Give him freely of those ■Taceful attentions and pleasant surprises which will make him happy, if you expect a continuance of lover-like attentions from him. Hide all the disagreeables, in person, toilet, and home, and keep the best for love. Such a course would be likely to make a good man of a bad one—at all events, I if anything would.—Again adieu.—Your I friend, -T. S: H.