THE CRITIC.

NZ Truth, Issue 140, 22 February 1908, Page 1

THE CRITIC.

Who can undaunted brave the Critic's rage? Or note unmoved liisruoufciou iv the Critic's page? Parade his error m the public eye ? And Mother Grundy's rage defy?' There's no scarcity of labor m gaol. * * • * The great befit (question seems to trouble the noi^drinteers- more than it does those who have to pay for it. : ' . .+ ■ .-_:.' ■■.••- •■ ■ Notice, over Dunedin bowling green : —"Any person who expectorates on this, green cannot expect-to-rate as a geiitlemarij'* 1 '; -.What's wrong with plain spitting, m any case ? • •■■■'■•• •■-.-. » . Some employers of labor actually say tha;t a Trades Union is merely a Benevolent Home kept .by the Employers' Fjederation. But who keeps the Employers' Federation ? ■ * „ . * ■ ' ' • "Has your iwdfc got an income that you don't know of ?" asked lawyer McGrath .of ; a Wellington judgment creditor on Tuesday. The Court dissolved m mirth as his Worship made remarks about McGrath's nationality.;: They are talking about introducing a municipal "Hansard" m Sydney. Great Scot l s - Supposing that Wellington or elsewhere ' was., subjected to such an affliction; how long would tliie Councillors sit- and gas m order that their mostly inane remarks would see the ■ light of print ? . * *• ■ • They have some queer cards at work on the; Christchurch tramways. It has just been discovered that one bright, honest individual has done a stiff sentence for burglary*. However, it may be that he is now reformed m the true parsonical 1 sense of that term, and that lie won't burgle the devil's private house m the near hereafter. » » • A person named 'Arris is foreman or something of that sort on the railway works m the breezt suburb of Ngahauranga, and this paper wants to fall out with him, principally because he's a no-class man with a hell of a lot of time for Chows. T'other day a Chow was driving a cart along the road when he was badiy biffed, with stones, and 'Arris blamed a man named McKay, and reported him to a superior sort of sausage who goes through life, with the name of Gordon, the result being that McKay got the sack and wasn't allowed to say a word m his own defence, though he had plenty of witnesses to say he didn't throw the stone. Harris acted m a hasty manner and 'hasn't pot any fairness m. his carcase, and be au»;ht to be made a Mandarin or something, but he's no right over white men. •.-"..- • •' « ■ John Gallagher lives . somewhere m Hopper-street, and is a landlord and caUs h'jmself a gentleman, which- he isn't. John G. owns property m the Chow .quarters, and, therefore, thinks the sun shines out of a Mongol mongrel .who pays his rent , every week. Let-her-go Gallagher has white tenants also, and one, a seafaring man named Bunneli; who has been laid up through injuries received through an accident, owes him five weeks' rent/ or. at least; will owe it next Monday, but this didn't prevent Gallagher issuing a summons to get his unearned' increment. Now. the seaman has . been a tenant for over 'twelve months, and has ma-do his home- quite a pleasant one, with a nice garden m front, and has ex^ pended his own cash m tittivating it up a bit, and was offered 7s for his trouble; Gallagher can sue "Truth" fori'iibel tif he likes .when it colls him a hard-hearted wretch, who loves the Chow because he oays his rent weekly, and "Truth," moreover, says Gallagher isn't a gentleman— he's a sort of glorified bum-bailiff, and a mean sort of bum to boot. * ■ ■ • •■ A case of brutal - cruelty agitated the people at the Hutt recently, when .an incipient mjadman attached a kerosene tin to the tail of a jersey bull by means of fencing wire, and the maddened animal set out for the other side of the globe. It would be going vet, only the wire cut through the tail three inches above the '■'sporran" and amputated that section of v the fly-thrasher. The police took a hand and 'Tec Andrews selected' the most criminal hooligan m the I neighborhood, purely on spec. His name happens to b 3 Wilkins, an-d when the gratified officer fell over the identical piece of wire used at the back door of the wretched 'person, who is about twenty, he congratulated himself on Ms astuteness. "It went like hell," remarked Wilkins .subsequently, with the expression of a nerson who had accomplished something noteworthy ; "a racehorse was not m it with him." It is regrettable that Dr. Mac, S.M., felt merciful on this 'particular day, but the paltry fine of £l imposed was inadequate punishment for the horrible cruelty. If Wilkins were securely attached to the remaining portion of the animal's 'flail nnd the bcastie was sent flying through space, there would bo something resembling poetic justice about the atonement.

Manawa/tu "Standard" says negotijj,tiori^?are proceeding for housing ! Gi6*(Mjh6¥'-, ; Plunk m Palmerston for tli r e 'next . ten years. But, can Wellington really : spare him ! .-.••'■ • • Thc*-alms boxes of one Palmerston Church* are " being repeatedly, robbed and .are being replaced by burglarproof on the motion of Rev. Harper. Why doesn't Harper convert the burglars, and justify his , existence ? • . • « ■-'■•» • • I It isn't always profitable to go to ; church ; although church may be a profitable game for the .'-in-shifter. Irrev. P. Fairclough's residence was entered by burglars on while? his wbwership was . absent saying "Dear Brethren", .to. his" deluded., parishioners. Jewellery to the value of £30 was extracted, and the plate will have to be passed around considerably ere the loss is made good. • • ■ A rumor was circulated m Wanganui recently that Webb had beenseizod with •toothache A • frantic population immediately glued itself to the telephone and urgent wires were sent to the champion, who ire-, plied that the statement was a base • canard. Wanganui breathed ■-. freely once more If Webb should develop a boil on an inconvenient portion of his anatomy prior to his rriatch with Tresidder the confluences will be too horrible to contemplate. ' m ■» • Some time ago a Maori wahine won the "chain-pacing" competition at the H'Euwke's .Bay Agricultural Show- The colored lady stepped the chain distance to within a- sixteenth of an inch, and it was not discovered till some time after that the simple aboriginal had a piece of string extending from kneo to knee which enabled her to walk 22yds to a hair'sbreath. The, circumstance was recalled at the Wairoa Show t'other day. when a condition of the competition was imposed that lady conir petitiors should wear divided skirts; There is no official m Wairoa with 'sufficient courage to , investigate the skirts of a' Maori v woman for a possible length of string. ♦■. • • • Wellington is a wonderfully prosperous town. It's impossible to walk through our, main thoroughfares with' out being waylaid by some bummer, who wants sixpence for a feed or a bed, though he reallywants a beer. Now,- even the Chow is cadging, as a young tailor of Manners-street bears testimony to. Walking along Torystreet t'other evening, he was accosted by some poor, miserable yellow mongrel, who plaintively asked for a shilling, urging that he was "hungly." When even the. oil-tag-smelling Mongolian has tp start bumming for bobs, one is inclined- to pause and ask where does this wonderful progress come m ? * • • A barge called the Nora Braidshaw, 12- tons, owned by Captain Williamson, was used recently to carry a fiaxmill plant up the Waitara river. The coffin-ship had been, high and dry and sometimes wet by the encroaching tide for some years and took m water like, a sieve. To make matters worse, the pumping gear was . cronk, and two men were, thrown into the swell when the vessel . sank. She, was being towed by the steam«r Kota'hi, which vessel thought, hard for ;a long time before returning with a. l if e-buoy with no ' - rope attached , and this was clutched by a man named Brophy, who was carried out to sea. The other man, mimed Grant, was washed inshore. The steamer Mahalfau, bound inward, took no notice of Brophy. Probably the • captain suspected" that he was surf-bath-ing for pleasure. Fortunately, no one was drowned, and owner Williamson escaped a charge of manslaughter, although the jury said the vessel was unseaworthy and propossessed no life-saving appliances, and thai the fault was Williamson's. Williamson's troubles, anyway f ■ ■ ■ * ♦ « The neigbors' quarrel m DruminondLane, Wellington, reached a climax when Mr and Mts Daley, two independent witnesses, were called on Monday to say whether Frederick Kemp used the appalling language attributed to him by Mrs Sarah Ruddy. The case would have been heard earlier only Mrs Daley was taken ill m the precincts of the Court, and later forwarded a doctor's certificate to account for her absence. However, Daley, who is a bricklayer called Alfred, testified that the lurid remarks complained of weren't made m his hearing, and Magistrate Riddell said he was inclined to believe the unprejudiced tradesman. ' But this didn't prove m the opinion of his Worship, that the obscene expressions were not used, and Kemp was convicted and ordered to provide sureties for his future behaviour, himself m £25 and another 'of £25. Solicitor Blair notified that since the previous Court day Mrs Ruddy had howled objectionable remarks at Kemp, but Lawyer Jackson remarked, with indignation, that it was the other way about, and Kemp had opened his mouth too wide. The Bench remarked that aggrieved parties had their remedy m Law. There appears to be lots of excitement m Drumjnond lane.

Some sort of humorist up. Rangitikei :.Iyay, Reckons^ thai,* thf ; ..rJsraeiite^wandeted through Neyr ZeaVand^ because, they .--are- ailegfed* to' ; -j^vfe euf* tiered from the Moa bites; - A semblance of abortive humanity was washed up on the Petdne beach on Wednesday, and was described by a medical expefct as. a possible seven months' child. Another potential citizen killed by the social law known as /'respectability.'" ' .' '""' '„■ • • * * •■■John Hogan is a well-dressed,, clean-shaven Brooklyn resident, who has been remanded on a charge of indecently assaulting Eileen Beatrice Sark, a youngster of 11 years and 10 months; Hogan', who "is a married man with one child, has been bailed out, and will appear m vWellington S.M. Court on February 2G. ■ ■ • . * .■■■' • Wheli the beer is, m the lunatic comes out. x Charles Sheldon made a beast of himself the other day, \ and his. lecherous eye fixed a desireful glare on two nice-looking, girls m Lambton Quay, and although <they were accompanied by a male person he accosted therm. His remarks were punctuated by such lurid expletives 'that the girls put their- fingers m their ears and fled, while their escort remained behind to cover their retreat. During the course ef the subsequent discussion Sheldon remarked, "You know you are a damned bludger !" and as the young man is an intensely respectable person, the allegation caused considerable annoyance. Bobby Havelock happened to be on hand and pinched the beery brute, who was subsequently fined 40s and ordered to pay 10s costs, with a gaol alternative. • ■ • '• . It is an unfortunate circumstance for a nineteen-year-old youth named Edmund , Hechsciier that cash-boxes carry duplicate keys. Employed as clerk at Chambers and Sons, engineers, Lambton Quay, he discovered, as far back as September last that a key m his possession fitted the boss's cash receptacle. He succesded m hanging off the boodle till Wed-: nesday last, when he extracted £10 19s sd, opened the safe, strewed papers around to give the. impression of a, night visitation, and planted the spoil m the Nairn-street reserve, i Later, 'Tec. Lewis, fixed his heagle heye on the culprit, "and that hypnotised person" fell on his knees and confesred. It takes sterner stuff than Hechscher to make a criminal. '.< He pleaded guilty m the S.M. Court, and Magistrate Riddell iremandcd him for sentence till to-day (Saturday). The Rutherford who figures as a sheep King on the Leslie Hills Station, Canterbury, seems to be lucky m the matter of obtaining poisoners for his stock of bunnies. His overseer, W: B. Nicholsen, talking to the Conciliation Board inf a . confidential •sort of- way, had the, gall to say that he often went . out poisoning; himself and actually enjoyed it, so he did/ 1 In fact, it was a picnic job; and- he had had any amount of men racing-- to Curverden from, the city requesting him to let -them' go out with the gang- just for the holiday. That isn't the way Nicholsen puts m his • own holidays, though, nor did he think that -every- townsman who went to the station should be given /a can- of- poison and sent scooting round -the hills with it. 1 Such an idea would be too silly for words. Still, Mr ■ Nicholsen's classification of bunny I poisoning as a picnic billet will' in-terest-the professional ill paid men ir> the- Dominion who havo to make a living -at the game. « *•-•■■* I ,;.; ;;;melba "dunned." On Friday (says Melbourne "Truth," Melba was • billed for. a performance at Her Majesty's Thea^ tre,- Ballarat, and shortly after taking- up- her quarters at Craig's Hoj tel •a • constable appeared- •up on the scene inquiring for the - diva. He ! was the bearer of a legal document m the shape Of a summons signed at the instigation of a farmer at Ercildoune; ' who claimed a certain sum of money m payment of an account alleged to be due m connection With the' supply of dairy produce to the household of Madame Melba at Ercikloune. Melba expressed great surprise that the bill had been left unpaid after the emphatic instructions she' had given. As the policeman appeared to be somewhat embarassed, Melba' showed her sympathy for him by 'presenting him with two tickets for her concert. — News item. Oh ! -I wouldn't like to. owe him much, . . . . That man of milk and butter, Who sent our "Melba" a "billy-doo" That made her snort- and spluttefo ; I wouldn't like to owe him much', For fear a man so clever Might set his wind bills on to me, And gore me up for ever. I'd rather meet the man hall-way. And "ante-up" the thick 'uns, i Than go to gaol for ham and eggs, . Or fowls, or ducks, or cliickens ; ! I wpuidn't like to owe him much, This man who takes his change out. For fear his cows might haunt me till His bulls hatl knocked my brains out,