THE INTELLIGENT VAGRANT.

New Zealand Times, Volume XXXII, Issue 4976, 5 March 1877, Page 3

THE INTELLIGENT VAGRANT.

(From the New Zealand Mail.)] Quia scit an adjiciant hodiernal craatina aumnue Terapora Di Super!.— Horace. I am desirous of discussing the merits of Messrs, Hutchison and Travers as candidates for the city from a point of view other than the political one. On purely grammatical grounds the superiority of his Worship the Mayor is at once apparent. Mr. Travers says in his address: “I will offer myself.” The Mayor says: “I shall be a candidate.” Mr. Travers, whisper dear! Did you never hear of the Irish gentleman who fell into a tank full of water, and unintentionally kept his servants from saving him by crying out, “ I will drown, nobody shall save me.” And whilst on this subject, permit me to offer the observation that the literary gentlemen who have already so pronouncedly come out in favor of Mr. Travers seem to forget that the people are not likely to make up their minds one way or the other until the political opinions of both candidates are before them at somewhat greater length than the present brief notifications of candidature afforded. That Auckland should have been unable to offer a sufficient inducement to the eminent Mr. James Mace to give an exhibition of his talents there, is regretable. Mr. Mace has been a distinguished member of the P.R., and those who can appreciate applied science will share in the sorrow that the great northern city has been deprived of the teachings of its most prominent professor. It is pleasant, however, to know that Wellington is not likely to be left without an illustration of Mr. Mace’s delicate manipulation of the os frontis lam pretty correct in saying that sooner than his fellow townsmen should lose an exquisite treat Mr. Henry Anderson will put on the gloves with Mr., Mace, and perhaps practically demonstrate how. easily he could dispose of a certain other editor if that editor would only give him the opportunity. In the present trouble as to unregistered dogs it will perhaps he interesting to know of a beautiful invention for their destruction invented by a humane lieutenant of police iu Glasgow, and practised there and iu other towns with much success. At a recent sitting of the Central Police Court in Glasgow I read how Lieutenant Andrews explained that to a ring in the bottom of a water tank a rope having a noose at one end was fixed, aud that the noose was slipped round the neck of the dog, which was then pulled downwards and held below the water till it was drowned. “ This method of drowning dogs,” said_ the lieutenant, “ was considered the least painful and the most expeditious.” A certain English firm which manufactures water filters (to name them would be to give them the gratuitous advertisement which it will be seen they ingeniously tried to obtain) must fancy that colonial editors are fools. The Editor of the New Zealand Times by the last mail received a letter in which they said “ Our attention has been drawn to a paragraph in your paper (we regret we have not the exact date) describing a method of cooling water in hot climates by passing it through canvas hags. We wish to observe that for several years we have manufactured canvas bags of this description, having the additional advantage of being fitted with our filtering medium. By this means perfect purity, as well as intense coldness, is secured iu the water. We enclose a drawing and description of the .” And where the printer has put in a line the letter terminated with the name of the filter and the firm that made it. I think if the firm had addressed a letter in the shape of an advertisement, and directed it to the Manager of the New Zealand Times they would, have obtained publicity more in the manner they desired.

If anyone thinks that the elements of discord are not tolerably active in the United States and have been slumbering during the recent Presidential election, let him read the following candid expression of opinion published in a Southern paper. It is inelegant but candid:— I am a good old rebel, An’ that’s jist what I am ; An’ for this land of freedom I do not care a d . I’m glad I fit agin it, I wish we could have won; An’ I don’t ax no pardon _ For anything I’ve done. . I hates the Constitution, An’ this republic too I hates the freedman's bureau, An’ niggers drest in blue. I hates the mighty Eagle, With all its noise and fuss ; An’ the lying cheating Yankees, I hates them wus an' wus. I hates the Yankee nation, An’ everything they do, . I hates the declaration Of Independence too. X hates their boasted union. It’s sprinkled with our blood, I hates their striped banner, • We dragged it through the mud. I followed old man Robert * For fo’ year nigh about. Got wounded in three places, An* starved at Point Look-out. I cotch the reaumatlz A sleepin’ in the snow. But I killed a sight o’ Yankees, I’d like to kill some mo’. Three hundred tbousan’ Yankees, Lay buried in the dus’; We got three hundred thousan’ Before they conquered us. They died by Southern fevers, By. Southern shell an' shot; I wish it was three million, Instead of what we got. I can’t take up my musket An’fight’em now no mo’. But I ain't gwine to love 'em. Of that I’m certain sure. An’ I don’t ax no pardon For what I was an’ am, An’ if I be reconstructed I wish I may be d—- * General Lee.

By the way I am reminded that Mr. Travers has not answered my question about the whale cast up at the Pilot Station. I am still thirsting for information. I want to know whether it is the case that a gentleman versed in the legal technicalities necessary to be gone through in order to obtain a vested interest in a stranded .whale went nut to the Pilot Station, and, having stuck a flag in the cetacean explained to the foolish sailors who thought it belonged to them, that for want of the performance of this simple rite by them, their interest in it had determined. He then philanthropi.cally gave them a £5-note by way of oonsolation, and sold the carcass (for how much perhaps Dr. Hector will state) to the Museum authorities. If I have been wrongly informed in this matter I am open to correction.I do not want to seem what is popularly called “nasty,” but desire merely to remonstrate with the editor of the Auckland Evening Star. In a presumedly funny article, under the heading “ My Weekly Dose,” by “ The Doctor,” in a recent issue, X read a description of an incident said to have occurred in the Provincial District,- but which description, with a patent alteration of name, is merely a plagiarism from the following, which I find in a number of the Pall Mall Gazette- “ There has been some scandal in the City of Virginia in Nevada, owing to the conduct of a young gentleman who lately left his father’s house, having exhausted his credit in the place, and who telegraphed the other day to hia parent:—‘ Your son Walter was killed in the Consolidated Virginia this morning by a failin'* cage. What shall we do with the remains?’ In° reply, a telegraphic order was sent for 150 dole., with the request ‘ bury them.’ The young gentleman pocketed the money, and had ‘an elaborate spree.’ When in a condition for writing, he sent to his father the following note :—‘l have just learned that an infamous scoundrel, named Barker, sent you a fictitious account of my death, and swindled you out of 150 dels. He also borrowed 85dols. from me, and left the country. I write to inform you that I am yet alive, arid long to see the old parental roof again. I am in somewhat reduced circumstances, the accumulation of the last five years having been lost in a disastrous stock operation ; and if you would, spare me 200dols. I will be ever thankful for your favor. Give my love to all.’ A few days later the erring youth received the following dignified reply from his outraged parent; —‘ My dear son, —I have buried you once, and that's an end of it. I decline having any more transactions with a corpse. —Yours in the flesh, Father.’ " Please Mr. Editor and Mr. Doctor do not be

too hard on me for noticing this little matter. “After all,” as Mr. Puff said, “-it is possible that two great men hit on the same idea,” and the writer in the Pall Mall Gazette used it first.