INTELLIGENT VAGRANT.

New Zealand Times, Volume XXX, Issue 4548, 18 October 1875, Page 2

INTELLIGENT VAGRANT.

(From the New Zealand Mail).

Quia scit an adjiciant hodiernse crastiua snmmre Tenipora Di Superi.—Horace.

Amongst the political rumors current yesterday were these:—That Messrs. Murray and Gibbs, M.H.R's, had formed a fresh political party, the platform of which is to be a new Constitution and a reduction in the price of ekiin milk; That Mr. White, M.H.8., is to be called to the Upper House, in order to raise the tone of that assembly. It has often happened to me to have " slept on my fist," and in consequence to have obtained an appearance about one of my eyes that was not desirable. In these cases I have always secured the services of an artist who understood his work. A man who did not merely paint out the discolored spot, but who made up the whole face to match his pigmentary efforts in the particular spot. For (descending to particulars) it is very foolish merely to paint over a black eye, and leave the rest of the countenance untouched. The result of such folly isthat you have a ghastly patch on one eye, which obstinately refuses to change color with the remainder of your vißage. These hints are thrown out in a general and philanthropic spirit, and have no local application. _■_ The sailing directions for the port of Wellington are singularly defective. They give

i any amount of instructions about avoidingj reefs and rocks, but they do not say a word ' about how captains are to avoid the dangers I presented by certain local authorities. The sailing instructions should point out that when these authorities come on board they should receive attention worthy of the rank Angel Gabriel, and hospitality equal t„-that bestowed on a hungry and thirsty Bacchus A simple invitation to dinner now and then, whilst the ship is in harbor, will not suffice, for it is probable that the guest will take his feed, and then write a letter to some paper, comparing the captain unfavorably to Mr. Kidd, late of the Spanish main, and the doctor to Professor Holloway. The sooner the sailing directions are altered to include the little things I have mentioned the better. --

A spelling bee is advertised. I should not advise newspaper men to present themselves as competitors. In the second round of a spelling bee lately held in Hobarton" the overseer of the Tasmaniaa Tribune had to succumb to "gnaw;" an ex-overseer of the Chronicle was floored by " guage ;" and the overseer of the Mercury went out over "oaf." We are all smart fellows on newspapers, but how would our spelling run if we had not a reader ? and even then it sometimes gets hazy. I believe that though "whitewashing" In the commonest sense of the word is considered to be, as an effort of art, about the easiest thing possible, still that even a whitewasher must be possessed of some degree of skill. Having undergone social and legal "whitewashing" myself more than once, I am aware that when a man undertakes those classes of "whitewashing" which are higher than the mere commonest one he must be possessed of some skill. When I paid my creditors nothing in the pound, and got an easy discharge, my lawyer assured me that nothing but the most consummate skill on his part had pulled me though, so lam a judge in such affairs. I may be then permitted to compliment 3VIr. Swanson, M.H.E., on his first attempt at whitewashing, which, as critics say, displays the talent of a true artist. The subject selected by him was a very difficult one, but even the most captious will admit that he has shown himself fully equal to treating it. lam happy in congratulating Mr. Brissenden on having secured the services of Mr. Swanson, and lam happy in being able to compliment Mr. Swanson, for I recollect distinctly that he once lent me £lO, and my memory is not quite clear as to whether he was paid or not.,. The wonderful things in the way of far seeing got through at the 'Wellington Signal Station are known to everyone. Ships on fire and sea serpents, though common sights, .are mere trifles when compared to the vision lately announced of the Kinfanns Castle. A message was sent into town the other day that this vessel was in sight forty miles, off. Everyone was in ecstacies at the visionary powers which could see so far and well, and when the Kinfaun3 Castle arrived in harbor enquiries were made to verify the accuracy of the sight. It found that at the time the message was sent the ship was off Cape Campbell, so there could be no doubtabout distance. 'As the Irishman said, she must have looked " a great way off at a distance."

Mr. Jeffs, I am not going to tackle you about that Cameron case. lam amongst those who think you acted with sincerity and honest purpose. But I want to ask you about that " shouting "of yours at Ngahauranga. I believe that you are a Good Templar, and therefore, would also fain believe that when you "shouted" in order to gain Information you " shouted" nothing stronger than raspberry vinegar. This belief is, however, lam sorry to say, perilled by hearing that some recipients of your hospitality took " square gin." An incident has just convinced me of the paying nature of the newspaper business. A gentleman whose duty and pleasure it is to take advertisements received a notice this week from the Postoffice that a registered letter, on which there was eightpence to pay, awaited him. Having collected the pecuniary resources of his fellow-servants, and having borrowed from me the twopence that I had promised Mr. Gillon for the Jeffs testimonial, he found himself in a position to obtain the letter. When opened, it contained"an.advertisement of a fewwords, sent all the way from Tasmania, with a shilling to pay the cost of its insertion. And yet people are contradicted who say that the papers make awful profits out of advertisements. '

Those neat little drawers with which the tables of members of the Assembly are provided are very handy to keep odd things in. In the Lower House they contain cut and plug tobacco, false teeth, hair oil, and paper collars. But in the Upper House their contents are of a more dignified character. Happening to be in the public gallery on Thursday, I saw an honorablememberoftheLegislativeCouncilopenhis drawer, and in it were a pack of playing cards. I suppose occasionally that honorable member and Mr. "Waterhouse hold the right and left bowers and ace against the Colonial Secretary and Mr. Taylor. It is not impossible. It is not proper to jest upon subjects that should be sadly considered, and it is therefore in no jocular mood that I point out how a case of suddea death is recorded in Auckland : "He took his tea below, and was afterwards reading the Evening Star, when he complained of feeling unwell, and went and laid down in one of the berths. ' He had hardly done so when he fell back and died." I can well believe it. The death, though sudden, cannot be held to be unaccountable. A friend of mine who, in his own language, is always "pitching into" somebody in his evening paper, invariably asks me if I have read his leader. I tell a prompt and venial falsehood when I invariably reply, "rather ; it was first-rate." In truth, I tried to give myself a foundation for veracity once, but dangerous symptoms instantly supervened. I have had but one friend who was a poet. He once started to compose a piece of 10,000 linesonthe somewhat limitedsubjeet, "Nature." He got over the first line easily, and it ran thus : " On a grassy hank I lay flat along."

But he never got beyond this—that is to say in this particular poem. He has managed better though on other subjects, for lam in receipt of a poem from Auckland, which, from internal evidence of style, I am certain must be his. It is satirical political poem, and contains the following prettily pathetic verse : 0 Donald Mac I the voice of blood, The voice of Sullivan, Cries loud to man, cries loud to God, And shall not cry in vain. That rhyme of "Sullivan" and "vain" shows a poetic soul untrammelled by mere technical considerations. It is as good as that which the little child wrote as descriptive of a picture of "The Lion"— This is the lion, he comes from far, He comes from famous Africar.