THE CRITICS CRITICISED.

New Zealand Times, Volume XXX, Issue 4359, 10 March 1875, Page 3

THE CRITICS CRITICISED.

TO THE EDITOR. , Sir, —I have been to Napier—positively have been to Napier, and lived to return—lived through the greatest amount of talent, and—hem —decorum, it has ever been my privilege to encounter. Ah, Mr. Editor, if you only knew with what feelings of delight I once more embraced a Wellington lamp-post! Yet they don't lack “gas" in Napier, although they cannot burn it. I went up with my bosom brim-full of expectant triumphs, and I had all the “ expectant," I said to myself on board of that eccentric specimen of naval architecture, the Itangatira (ah, there's another treat; that’s the india-rubber gutta-percha ship, for you, licensed like a 'bus to carry twelve outside and can easily make comfortable fifty I) —I said, now, with Mr. and Mrs. F. M. Bates and the present strong and well-drilled company (in all their pieces), wo shall be enabled to give them such a series of dramatic representations the like of which has not been seen in the village of Napier; and, aided by Massey s pencil,' we' ought to receive a perfect ovation. Visions of champagne suppers, or even oyster ditto, floated across my fervid imagination; but, alas for the mutability of human hopes, how soon I discovered my mistake. I found that, after twenty years’ experience in my profession, a great portion of which time has been passed as a manager amongst the very brightest stars now shining in the northern hemisphere, I really know nothing. Mr. Bates shared the same fate. His experience as actor and manager throughout all the principal cities in America, California, &c., was 0. Mrs. Bates—and excuse us, old fellow, but we have had many a hearty laugh—she is “ bizarre” (now, you never give us such nice understandable words for the million as this, and you have written frequently for us) ; and, - in fact, all the company shared the same fate. f Our first play, “Elizabeth”—and you know how that is played by Mrs. B. and company—they said, “ Ya-as. pret-ty good.” I don’t think they are well up in their English lustoryi and they didn't exactly see it; in their vernacular, “ they wouldn't see it in mine, “they couldn't.” The next piece, “Caulllle"—Oh! here 1 hi! up! la I —this was the great culminating point for Napier* cum-humbug. You will not believe it, Mr. Editor, I know, but they couldn't stand “ Camille it was too much for their high-toned decorum—too sensational for them. One fainted, and they had to Cart-her away; and I do believe they have since had frequent prayer meetings for-the salvation of our souls—if players have any. Good people I Mind you, the opera, “ Traviata,” they can enjoy. “East Lynne” would draw us a “ big house,” the body of the people wishing for it, but we are afraid to shock the heads. Any Amateurs?—any Amateurs!—there’s more sucking Eichelleus and De Mauprats here than ever you heard of or saw. I’ll bet; but, not only Richelieu, but any piece you like to mention—they’ll put you right—oh, Ring the Bell watchman! He’s an Aucklandite, and has hai considerable experience in that hay-loft they call a theatre. I like him because' he’s hot singular; he says there’s not one of ua knows how to walk the stage. Now, old fellow, if you had such, a gigantic intellect as this on your staff you would have many leisure moments, and could take me for a drive to the Hutt. Then there's the “ Great Britain he keeps a hotel tho’, and in this hotel there is a den, and in this den they meet, they, the censors, and there you are told by a grizzly looking “ old cuss ” who went on once for Hecate with spectacles, and would have sang the music if he had known the air and words, but he didn't, so his friends say—that ,is some, of the other amateurs, j "Well, .sir, this -Hftzlett says the Napier people, are the-best critics, have seen-more, know more, can appreciate better/and go in more bn an “orders” against any town ’ten -times its size in New-, Zealand. Intbe M Octoroon,'.'you know, Salem says—- “ Look at the tears, Jacob, 1 they are holy water from the well of truth.' One of this great moral crowd came to the manager, and says he very irately—What does Mr. Bates mean by saying “ Holy water from the well of truth—l'm a Catholic.” And yet, sir, I don't think I've returned much better than when I left. There is one gentleman in particular of whom I am proud to make honorable mention—“ The White Swan rides on a dark bay horse,’—and although he is the only proficient in the whole club, you never hear ; him say one word against us ; but on the .contrary, he smiles upon the effusions of his. fellow, .and I won't say brother, amateurs^'more in'sorrow than in anger. But. we have ‘ein In‘such pieces Caste'.' and “School." They are M wi- They ; can’t dose -us -'either with com-* parisons or instructions, and_so say “ that it would be' a good piece if it were properly played;” yet* petty larceny, bankruptcies, and a little bestlngjof the .Insurance Companies, occasionally -'occur' eyed Lore. Don’t think that I include-all in this notice; no/for there are* several, many, nay much.more r than the majority, are of “ true grit;” real ladies and gentlemen, no “ brummagem about them, to whom ft is a pleasure to play, and with whom Ptisan honor to associate —the chief magistrate of ; the city-fno ville—no, bother it, say city—is one of the finest specimens .of)the genus homo you ever can or will meet: likewise hosts of others who will have the good wishes- of “Ours” for years to come. Well,home and'quiet once more. What is It : .Come,- inj?,• A I geritlemah to see me I Show him here, Frank. Enter Mr. S., wishing to know if Miss Raymond will- play with the Amateurs. - What lie - tbok me for I do not know; but I rose from the chair;and staggering towards the door, met,two ;raore - They come, “the cry is still they,come.". No peaeft-no rest, no escape from ; these* deadly ehemies, who, hot content with murdering their own characters,‘recklessly pursue any and every unfortunate, actor i'or actress they can button-hole., Oh„ Hoskins; .Hoskins i you should have but few sins of your own to answer for, for you are the raiser of such a *Btock‘of star araateurpfih'thls country l that : it will need all our efforts taJllock therm ouL—l’m-off- to-day to-Wanga- - nul If. any of the. fungi crop up/ then I .shall have but one'‘resource, and.try Castle';Point, You shall have my Wanganui trip on my return. —I am, &c., J. P. Hydes, ; / £tage Manager,.Eateß Dramatic Company./. Wellington, March 0. \f ■ ..i.\ /• <;