EXTRACTS FROM PUNCH.

New Zealand Spectator and Cook's Strait Guardian, Volume IX, Issue 822, 18 June 1853, Page 4

EXTRACTS FROM PUNCH.

Military Intelligence. —Sikhroom, Jan. 20, 1853. —Sir, I have the honor to inform you of another victory, which has been gained without the loss of a drop of blood. An attack was yesterday made on General Fogay's flank by Rheumatism, in its acute form ; but was speedily repulsed by the force which I have the honor to command. For this success I have been materially indebted to the activity and energy of Colchicuro. 1 also derived valuable assistance from Blue Pill. The Lancets were iv readiness, bu* it was not necessary to briug them into action. Should the action be renewed, it will probably be on the extremities, in which case, 1 hope to record another triumph, of the British arms —and legs. I date this letter from head quarters, being the head of the bed.; and from the very spot which may be regarded as -the seat of war —the armchair. I have the honor to be, &c, Archibald MacKillummore, M.D., Acting Assistant in attendance.

Quite the Reverse.—Formerly the fleets of our enemies were destroyed by one Drake — but now, if many of our elderly Admirals went to sea, they would play ducks and drakes, not with the enemies' ships, but more likely with our own. , The Principle of Promotion.—John Bull may boast that he is not to be taken in ; yet the age of the general officers appointed to the most important cotnmauds sufficiently shows how easy it is to come the old soldier over him. The Warden of the Cinque Ports.—lf the sinecure of the Warden of the Cinque Ports" is to be filled up, may we suggest that the appointment be conferred on the Quart Bottle, whose Services for several years past eminently recommend it, not only to Cinque Ports, but to sink everything else that requires being properly filled

up. Armour for Veterans.—A regulation has jest teen issued from the Horse Guards and the Admiralty, providing an addition to the uniform of general and naval comm nders on active serviced Over the full dress coat they are in future to wear a Spencer. It has been considered that their advanced years render it necessary that they should have a more adequate protection than they have hitherto been furnished with against the enemy,—that is to say Lumbago. Love of the Spanish.—Some doubts have been thrown on the fortune of Mademoiselle de Montijos, the Empress—that is to be—of France. We are enabled to state that the young.Spanish lady is in her own right the owner of several

Chdteaux en Espagne. A Tribute to Departed Talent.—Disraeli was certainly the head and front of the late ministry. His colleagues were *ioihiog without j him, and if we had been asked to supply him j with an appropriate motto, we should at once have exclaimed Ex uno Dizzy omnes. Motto for one-half of our Old Admirals. —" Chacun a son Gout."

Our Imperial Arms.—Scotland having complained of the shameful 'treatment of her lion in the English standard, the complaint will, it isun- ! derstood, be followed up by Wales,—the English heralds having entirely ignored the Welsh rabbit. The Australian Banking System.—The Banks of the Australian Gold Fields are so constituted, that you draw your money out of them with a scoop instead of a cheque.

The Chamber of Misrepresentatives. — A patriotic Frenchman (it seems there is one left) call the French senate the " Senatus In-

sultum." The Teetotallers Address to the Pump —"Am I not a man and-a brother ?" Why is Palmerston like the measles ?—Because nearly every Administration has him once.

The Theatrical Franchise.—The registration of a box costs as much as the registration of a vote, which makes the one privilege of a Briton as dear as the other.

Mistake in the " Moniteur."—We beg leave to call the attention of our Parisian contemporary, the Moniteur, to a mistake in one of its recent numbers, which we take the liberty to correct. Instead of the announcement that "Jerome Bonaparte has been raised to the rank of General of Division," it should been stated that " ihe rank of General of Division has been lowered to Jerome Bonaparte."

An Electric Ladt.—The German papers give an account of an Austrian lady who is so charged with electricity, that sparks arc constantly given out from her fingers' ends. It is seldom that a lady is found seuding sparks away from her, though it is a common attribute of the sex to attract sparks, *nd even to twirl them round the finger with the utmost ease. We suspect that the account in the German paper is — like the electric lady herself —a little over-

charged. The Greatest Work .of Fiction of the Day.—Bradsbaw's "Tales of the Trains." They "Like to be Despised."—Louis Napoleon boasts that all he bas done bas been sanctioned by the French nation. We must admit tßat all his acts of the last year or two have been performed on the authority of what we understand in this country »s " French leave."

The Bishop of Cartridge.—The Vladika of Montenegro, who is now occupying so prominent a position, is an odd fellow. He is a sort of Highland chief, and also a bishop; a kind of Episcopal Rhoderick Dhu. His mitre is supposed to be sabre-proof. He goes about with a dirk and several braces of pistols stock in his girdle, and instead of a crosier he carries a rifle, with which he is the best shot in his own diocese. The s? charges of this prelate are peculiarly impressive, consisting as they do of powder and ball, and being delivered with unerring precision.