Entre Nous

Free Lance, Volume VI, Issue 287, 30 December 1905, Page 12

Entre Nous

THAT dear, old primitive body, the Wellington City Council, is still struggling with the dark -age method of doing things, and is not overcoming it. Ir the Council is going to tar a. tootpath, it only tars halt. It is Wellington's execrable and unprecedented way. Also, if it was doing halt of the Bi ownstreet path, when it got to Smith-street corner it wouldn't cover the six-by-four intersection. It would leave oft abruptly, and let the small square of Smith-street footpath, go hang. It hasn't even learnt to make tar footpaths properly. It smudges and smears away, and the path is little better than mother earth. When a tarred path has been finished, people avoid it as a plague, having once carried tar into their/ homes. It is an abomination, and the City Council doesn't stick up a notice, and doesn't seem to care, and never has seemed to care, and doesn't appear to be ever going to care any more. • • • Ever and anon someone discovers that King Dick got the Old Age Pension Bill through, or that he is Premier or something screamingly new like that. People burst into verse on Dick at every opportunity. Here is one bubble written by a staunch admirer, who signs his name and' address. Probably, also, he sent King Dick a copy, so that if His Majesty should ever have any little— but there' Why be uncharita^e ? In the words of the poet beforesaid • Again he took a noble stand, and got the pension rose , On evVv hand 1 he kept at bay our Opposition foes. Three hundred pounds a year those men upon themselves did fix, And jet they grudge the aged poor their yearly twenty-six. • • * This story is as it appears in a Hawke's Bay paper. It is worth repetition, as affording an example of deep gratitude: — "Honesty rewarded! As the, .Borough overseer was walking along High-street on Wednesday he noticed something flashing in the sun, and on examination found sovereigns lying about. After picking up the sixth, he noticed a seventh fall from' a basket carried by a lady resident. Thereupon ■he asked her if she had lost anything. 'Oh, no!' 'Well, then, look in your bag,' said the overseer. 'Oh, yes, I had ten sovereigns and a shilling, but now there are only three sovereigns! 1 'Here are the seven sovereigns,' said Mr. Canton. 'Oh, sir, accept my warmest thanks,' replied the loser, and then she added • 'Did you find the shilling?'"

Here's a pietty decent kind of a story told by a Wellington man, who was in Devon what time the moas cooked the "dumplings." On© of the footballers was resting, and stayed at the' Polwhele Hotel, where they keep the Home-brewed beer for which the West of England is co famous. The footballer was drinking moderately of sherry, which the doctor hadl ordered him and the landlord told him that the drinks he served seemed to please gentlemen from New Zealand vastly. ' Why orally a month ago I had a New Zealand gent, here who said he. never had better iiquors in his life. I forget his name. Anyhow, you'll find vb in the register. Mr. Something or other, of Wellington." The footballer turned up the name of the gentleman who had praised the Home-made beer, and the sparkling cider, and the friendly sherry. He was one of New Zealand's mo=t revered Prohibitionists ! A well-known bachelor breaks out into verve on the fashions in ladies' s' eeves — We have listened to the rustle Of the home-made paper bustle, And the leg-o'-mutton sleeves have caught our eye ; We have side-stepped crinoline, And enraptured we have seen The ramy-daisy skirts parading by. We •admit we have a passion Just to watohthe frills of fashion, Fair woman's many ships from toe to crown ; But the thing that plays the deuce' is This last freak that bars excuses — The leg-o'-mutton sleeve turned up-side down! There is hope for the junior bank clerks yet. Hope, that is to say, that they may enter thei matrimonial paradise, if they so list, in spite* of the- objections of managers and directors. In New Zealand there are dozens of youths sighing out their hearts over musty, fusty ledgers and dragging out a solitary existence in boarding-houses because the rules of their service forbid them to marry until they have risen to a stipulated salary ; and a like number of maidens waiting with heart-sick impatience for the time when Edwin's screw shall reach the desired level. But, it seems that if they see their way to commit matrimony on the junior clerk's income, no one has the right to restrain them. • • • Only a little while ago, the Bank of Africa, Capetown, was brought up short for dismissing a clerk because he had broken a condition of employment that restrained him from marrying. The magistrate distinctly laid 1 down the prnciple that by the law of England, where the agreement was made. and by the law of the colony, where it is carried out, any agreement in restraint of marriage is void, is immoral, and contrary to public policy. For' this reason he oast the bank in damages. So if Cupid can laugh at bank managers in Cape Colony, why should he not do the same 1 in New Zealand? The disconsolate Edwins and Angelinas should! look to the strength of the shackles that hold them back from following their inclinations.

Rev. J. R. Flynn Anderson, the ab-seeatr-nunded', but lovable, little pardon from Zuurfontein, feouth Africa, tells a bold yann now and again. Here is one he told at an Auckland' V.M.C.A. meeting! It concerns the rivalry between the military and the railway heads in a newly-occupied town,, over a bouse which the military man had commandeered. The General Traffic Manager coveted the place, and pulled the wires by telegraph in order to get possession. Presently came a telegram from headquarters to the officer, directing him that ''G.T.M." was to have the house. * * * Ordeis were imperious, and there was no help for it. But the officer decided to play his own joke with contractions first. His reply was that "G.T.M. can G.T.H." Headqu&rteis fumed and raged over the insubordination implied by the last contraction, and' the officer was called upon to explain himself. The explanation was forthcoming quickly enough. His telegram only meant that "General Traffic Manager can get the house." Couldn't anybody have seen that-? • * • Dialogue between lawyer and debtor m the Chnstchurch Magistrate's Court lecently. "You had a chain the last tame you were here," said the solicitor. "Have you got it still ?" "Yes," replied the debtor, producing it from his pocket. "What's it woith? What carat is it?" was the next query. "It ain't no carrot," sa_d the occupant of the witness-box, "it cost 10s 6d 'olesale." The magistrate objected to the value of a man's personal belongings being dragged into court, and said he would put a stop to it. • * » The march of civilisation. A Maori married couple up North quarrelled the other day, and, when the husband was taken to court for cruelty to his spouse, h© declared! tihat she had provoked him by refusing to mend a tear in his trousers, and telling him to cook his own breakfast. Fifty years ago the Maori brave would have had no trousers to mend, and he: would probably have taken satisfaction for the domestic neglect in the shape of a "short, shaip shock" with a tomahawk. To-day, lie is hauled before a severelookimg pakeha for resenting his wife's alleged disloyalty, and ordered to let her alone for the future, and pay weekly sums for her maintenance. Evidently, though, human nature is much the same in the Maori whare as in. the pakeha villa. * • « Again the enterprising New Zealander at Home, or some other enterprising person who reckons upon floating himself into a billet on. the wave of New Zealand popufarity set going by our football team. Somebody, self-de-scribed as "Anti-Smash," adYertiEes in the London "Times" for employment as a motor-driver, andl dlubs himself 'lute chaff cur for the Maori Bang, Rangatoto." The idea of a chaflFeur who had ridden beside a "king" would, of course, appeal to paxrenxi motor-own-ers. But who on earth is King RamgatotoP

A gentleman, not unknown in the sheep-rearing industry of the northwest of New South Wales, is visiting Wellington. It is lus first essay into this country. He has a friend, formerly of Australia, living in Hobsonstreet, and, after dinner one recent evening, he- strolled 1 along there, intendmg to pay an informal call. It was just getting dusk, and, to get to the front door quickly, he crossed the lawn. He slipped on something that sent a cold shiver through hi& nardy form, and, looking down, " he saw the squirming, wriggling form of an exceedingly long snake. He is a courageous man, for he wad recently married and has also faced bush fires, droughts, mortgages, and swagmen, and his first instinct was to get a weapon. There was a spade stuck in the ground, and he seiaed it, and attacked that snake, chopping it into many pieces, hissing the while: "There, you brute'" as he made each vicious jab. Just then, his friend came to the door and turned the verandah electric-light on. "Why, P , is that you? Are you mad! What the ' Why, you've chopped the garden hose to pieces!" Andl P reckons he doesn't want that "snake"skin -as a trophy. A gentleman, who is the soul of politeness, was. the other day walking down Cuba-street, when he bumped an object outside Te Aro House with such force that it staggered, and fell with a thud. The gentleman quickly assisted the unfortunate person to rise, and raised his hat with profuse apologies. The roll of linoleum didn't say a word ! A propos of this, only a week or two previously a man was rushing into a tobacconist's shop to obtain a weed before closing time when a person cropped up in his path, and bowled him over. He arose, and hussed angrily. He made a rush at the man, and planted! a blow on his features. The assailed' one did not change a hair. He looked stolidly ahead, and didn't seek to strike back. Then the tobacconist came out, and angrily asked : "Heire, what are you knocking my wooden Scotchman about for, eh?" ♦ • • When a woman has had to do her own diah-washing and! cooking and scrubbing and fire-lighting •ad sockmending and so on, she hails with joy the first applicant for a "general's" job. One local lady snared a girl the other day, and was so glad to get her that she promised l her a night off a week, a bansc at the piano and the sewing-machine, and left-off hats and other luxuries. The girl was pleased. She thought she had struck a large, bright patch of sunshine. One thinig troubled her. "That's all right as far as it goes, Mrs. H ," she remarked, going across to the piano to see if it was in tune, "but do you do your own reaching?" The lady didn't understand the question. "Reaching P w she asked. "Yes," replied Mary Ann, "thafa what I said. Do you put the tucker on the table at meal-times, and reach for it, or do I hare to shuffle it around for you ?" The missus's answer left the missus without a maid.

When a torse is putting every ounce be is capable of into the collar, and when two of him cannot drag a threehorse load, what is the best way to make him strong? A carter who was hauling sand into a Berhampore allotment last week knew. His way to improve the wind and strength or his shafter was to kick the wind out of him with huge, heavy boots. Also, to jag the mouth, and 1 generally to make it impossible for the horse (and the horse is made up of nerves.) to use half the strength he possessed. This man is a sample of a very large number of men in Wellington who believe that a horse should be half-killed for not having the strength of two. And this particular man hadi to unload his sand outside the allotment. Although spoken to by two ladies and the carpenters on the job, the man thrashed the horses in his emptied dray into a hand-gallop, and went away feeling very brave indeed. This sort of person, when interfered with, invariably asks the interferer • "What the do you know about it?" Owners ougL- to insist tbat drivers shall not only .be skilled 1 horsemen, but possess a record dear of cruelty. • * * A Wairarapa gentleman came to Wellington for the Christmas joys. He had a good deal of business to do, and, as he is frequently very absent-minded, ho made a note of everything in, his pocket-book. He had! a good time, and went to the train feeling that he had neslected nothing. As he neared Masterton, however, a conviction crossed his mind that he had forgotten some little thing or other. Cou'ldn t make it out. Searched all his pockete, carefully went through his notes, looked under the lining of his hat, went through his Gladstone bae, but the conviction that he hadn't got everything remained rooted. As he alierhfced from +he train, five of his. daughters and half-a^rloze^ or so< of Iv'r sons greeted Inn with • "Hello, dlad ! Where is mother?" "Bash rt>" said he, "I knew I'd forgotten something !" «. • • The mock elections that now seem to be part of the State school curriculum appear to be anything but a mockery. Some country schools* worked out the election with great regard to detail, secrecy of the ballot, and the licensing vote. One school's '"licensing" ballot strikes us as quaint. The lines* on the ballot-paper were: — (1) I vote that the play-hour be abolished in this school ; (2) I vote that the play-hour be continued ; (3) I vote that no play-hour be granted in the education district. Need it be said that no single vote was cast for either 1 or 3. It is a foolish proposition to put to school -children. Prohibitionists should encourage schoolmasters to plsce the real license votincSaper before the children. The kid lies would so get into the habit of striking out the top line — the only thing that is fair to the kiddies — that tbev would' probably do it when they grow up.

A Mardborough paper is having a theological "go" at a clerical correspondent, and braces itself up and gets this off. — "Can he place has fingers on a single theologian who throws in his lot with the unanimously accepted scientific pronouncement in regard to tlhe discovery of the Pitheoanthi oaus Erectus?" No man could possibly cover the theologian or his subject with a finger. Give' him a chance with both feet and a pair of hands. The clereyman is at present at Rotorua, suffering a recovery. • • • Lord Plunket, on his motor-car trips, takes everything as it comes with genuine colonial readiness, fords creeks where necessary, with the rest of his party, and does his share with the others if the car requires to be pushed. Lady Plunket is a photographic student, with a keen eye to the humorous, and is said to cherish in her private portfolios some interesting snap-shots taken on tour, of the Governor, with sleeves and trousers rolled up, helping his chaffeur and! aides to shift the machine out of a tight place. Despite frantic, imploring wires from, every illustrated paper in New Zealand, Lady Plunket keeps, those snaps for the delectation only of the inner circle.