It Is Town Talk

Free Lance, Volume V, Issue 220, 17 September 1904, Page 22

It Is Town Talk

—That Waimangu w ouldn't "play ±or Paderewski. Meiely modest. It recognised a great rival. —That a well-known school inspect lecently told a class that "a preposition i.a bad word to end a sentence with —That all "Wellington newspaper men stand bareheaded m the P«««°g° f Malcolm Rosb. He interviewed Padexewski. —That all hquoi seized in. sly-grog shops is to be sent to hospitals in future. There will be a lot of empty beds. Sounds like a retrenchment scheme. —That the engagement of Miss Bose Bndd and Mr. Moss Thorne, both of Hawke's Bay, is announced. lacy should "grow in beauty side by side. —That kerosene "went up" with a wild jump at Thomdon the other day Now L the moment for Mr. E. M Smith to put Taranaki petroleum on the market. —That the suggested establishment or a band among tramway employees (a la Sydney) has fallen through They lie considered loud enough without any more brass. —That in one recent week, Sydney eclipsed all pievious leoords for the number of births m that city. it is presumed Mr. Seddon's "memoiandum circulated in Sydney —That a near-by sheep-owner has had the enormous increase otdUU pei cent, of lambs this year. You 11 oa him a har until you leain his flock consists of two ewes. —That a fiscal lectuier in Taranaki, asked if he was m favour of a tax on cci eals, replied that he certainly was as Chinamen weie a menace to the industries of the country." —That Southern people are never satisfied. Just because it takes the mail tiain fifty-thiee minutes to go from Ophir to Lauder (four miles) the residents ai c complaining. That, as Dowie intends deposing King EdWai d and the Empei or William Kino- Dick won't be feeling too secure about his crown with a Dowie apostle right here m Wellington. That, a propos of advantages to touusts, a thirteen-hoi se team bogged coming down hill on a steep New Zealand l ioad" the other day. And the hill wasn't in Wellington, either That it is as well to keep a stiff upper lip. A mou&e ran down the throat of a Stratfoid man the othei day, and' made him feel quitel unwell until the lodent died a violent death. That the funniest thing that has happened in Waihi for a year is the fining of a man for spitting on the footpath. The man who wants to spit on a footpath in Waihi has a long search. That the "usually well-informed" "Auckland Star" calls Paderewski a "pianiste." His long hair probably led to this delusion. The paper likewise talks of "consumptive sanatoria That a Waipawa clergyman recently preached a stirnng sermon, taking foi his text the beautiful and impiessive words, "Don't chew your pills." His advice was to swallow 'em whole like a man, undisguised in "jam." —That the Stratfoid Boiough Council wants a slaughterman foi its abattoirs, salary 200 guineas a year and a free hou&e. One could get a couple of B.A. school-teachers, full up of six years' "swat," for the money. — That a Wellingtonian, who, with hi& wife, has been "doing" St. Louib, paid ten dollars for one night's sleeping accommodation on the fourteenth fiooi of a building that was like the name of a well-known colonial vehicle. — That "Those who know Mr. Blank, of this place, will 1 egret to hear that he was assaulted in a brutal manner last week, but was not killed" is the 1 ather ambiguous way in which a countiy papei records an attack on a citizen. — That the average Wellington toilei will accept a free ride in a dirty dii ay o> an insanitary slaughter-house cart without grumbling, but, once aboard the palatial elect) io cai , he has to pay a penny, and he growls about the slowness, inability to smoke, and all the rest of it. —That "A Horse" writes to the Auckland papers to remai k that a three-ton load is not a fair thing to ask a beast to "breech" down a steep hill. Wellington horses are asked to pull three and a-half tons sometimes. It would be just as remarkable to ask a clerk to carry ten hundredweight.

That, accoi dmg to a prohibition parson, the Licensing Bill ' kisses while it stabs." It is, at least, a magnificent battleground foi Bung and Pump, which is, after all, the chief thing. Ncithci party want beer wiped light out. That "a didn't-know-il>was-loaded" staitei shot a competitoi m a lace with the pibtol at some Southern spoitb lately. Competitoi didn't run in the lace. Claim for damages, £47 for a hole m the leg. Awaided £20 and costs That Kumara is in the quaint position of having some of itt> hotels kept open until 11 o'clock, and otheis until 10 only. The applicants who were iafused the extension didn't employ lawyers The licensing laws aie so fair l -That a young Wellington man >n perfect health on Tuesday morning went to bed on Tuesday night at the usual hour. In the morning he awoke a white-haired paralytic He was a hotel boots, and the paialytic was a guest. —That the British War Office, at the instigation of the King, has just concluded that a man who. did some good woi kat Balaclava should get a medal and an annuity. The nonagenauan possibly won't want the annuity long. — That Taihape has turned a Chinaman out of his shop in oi der to extend its post-office. The Chinaman is the only celestial in the township, and is always chronicled in the local and other society papers as "Mr " Kum Gee. —That the Christohurch City Council have fixed slaughtering fees thus — "Each carcase of a beast, or any portion, 45," etc. The S.P CA. should step in if they catch Christchuroh butroheis killing a piece of a bullock at a time. That a Grey town man, who swore in court he was married in Wellington, was mfoimed theie was no record of it. He suddenly remembered he had "sent another bloke down m my place," as he was working on a contract, and couldn't get away ! —That the very shaip curves on the tram lines play "old Hany" with the wheels. Many of the wheels aie already "retired" with worn-out flanges. The Caledonian Hotel comer, whach miffht have been avoided, is one of the woist curves. -That any local "bookie" will give you ten to one that Felix Tanner will never leave New Zealand waters in the new ark. And the average man will tell you that his intentions so to do aie not serious. The crank busmen is getting a bit ovei done. —That scores of Wellington people with gul and boy piano-pounders have endeavoured to inflict them on Paderewski. If the 'master" says they have a futuie, they have, and the paients know it. Up to now none of the pianopounders have futures. — That sixteen cases against milk vendois supplying alleged impure milk weie dismissed. in Qhnstchui eh Pioved that the Act stipulated that the milk must be sold for human consumption, whereas the milk in question was sold' for analysis. Lovely quibble ' —That friends of a Southern man, who is now undergoing a sentence for perjury, will petition for Ins lelease on the grounds that the oath he took befoi c giving evidence was sworn on a dictionary, the same having been substituted by a policeman as a practical joke. — That, at a t'otheiside burglary recently thei public asked, with much impi essiveness, "Where are the police," but when they found that the men in blue weie quite alone in the burgled house at the time, they merely said that the three years they got "seived 'em right."