Entre Nous

Free Lance, Volume V, Issue 216, 20 August 1904, Page 13

Entre Nous

WELLINGTON went temporal lly mad on Satuiday, August 13th (there's ill-luck in 13— to the Britishers). If the fate of the Empue had depended on the winning by the New Zealand team of the great inter-national football match, the people could not have been worked up to a higher pitch of enthusiasm. Eveiy horse with from one to four sound legs, and evei y vehicle capable of standing the shock of an attack of frenzied banackeis, was in commission. People waylaid the electiic trams on then downward louiney, so as to get a seat going bark, and the crowds at the Post Office terminus swore madly — and walked r * * The Corporation, roused out of its torpor by such unprecedented happenings, coped with the occasion in a masterly fashion. The civic authorities and their employees achieved a i emarkable feat. Crammed — but not overcrowded—cars cut thiough dense masses of people without accident. "New motormen, many of w horn a month or two ago had nevei driven anything but horses, handled the brakes with confidence and success A frantic big drummet , unable to get himself and his instrument aboard a car, "padded the hoof" the whole way from the Post Office to the ground, and ai rived in time to play "God Save" for the Governor. * * * Countiy cousins in battalions eyed the flashing oars, and approved of them. Motor oars dashed explosively about, and that soul-destroying abomination the motor-cycle, thrashed its smellrul way through the crowd. Managers of business concerns in the city had gone down to work to find empty desks and unswept offices. The city was football mad and the "bosses" didn't growl. Only "fools and horses," telegraphists, and pressmen worked. Furtive hookies stuck one up, and offered "two to one either way." * * * At 12 noon the Athletic Park seemed to have as many people stacked in heaps on it as it would hold. Every chimney had its squad of sightseers, and every hill its dark masses. The steep banks m the Park itself formed uncomfortable seats on the precipitous sides. Eveayone saad "What price an earthquake now? Hilarious spectators, filled with the mere joy of living on such a royal day, poked people who weie perched like sparrows on the banks in the back, and tobogganed them uniesistingly down the steep clay slope on to the crowd below *. # # And, when that lively WelhngtonBuller match had been fought, and the stalwarts of New Zealand enteied the aiena, followed by their chunky opponents, what is theie in our language that will adequately describe the battle yell of the thousands on the ground ? The opening roar of the earthquake was a& the rattle of a kettle-drum to the booming of a section of fifteen-pounders with a couple of pompoms and a Maxim as make-weight. Conceive the aerial display of caps the acres of handkei chiefs.

It was a sight of a life-time, a lesson in enthusiasm Even sedate pohce-sei-geants and grave "bobbies" toie lieu shakos oft and yelled The f i antic photographers ran a^> haid as the 1 playeis, endangering the lives or the line-umpires. A "fiend" would splint a couple of hunched yards, peispirmg horubly, and then fall on Ms waistcoat, amid laughed and orangepeel, and snap a sci urn or captuie the kicking of a goal. From the press stand one cooald see a small heliogiaoh woiking in the vice-regal box. It was the Governor's ever-bobbing monocle. A tumult like a small volcano in eruption occurred alongside It was King Dick, heavins with excitement. Barrackeis, with bulging eyes, shouted out instructions to Billy, or Harry, or Dick, to do what the said bai 1 ackers would do if they were in the team The- team, howevei, wasn't looking for defeat. * * * Once, a ')!;u *-, -udd^nl/ brought down, lav on his back "winded." "Doctor'" veiled the ciowd. He came, strollmff calmly across the sward, surmounted bv a bell-topper, and moving as if he weie paid bv the hour and' he wanted the iob to last. "Why don't ver erit in ver 'at and slide?" asked ai boy By the time the medico got over, the iniured mvi was tearing over the landscape as if he was a locomotive let loose * * * And you know how the game was rtlaved — with satisfaction even to the Bntishens Said' a man "Don't you think it's a blankv shame he let loose a lot of trained bloodhounds on to the gently-bred ST>aniels of Britain ?" One can'theln noting the difference in type between the Britis.li and New Zealand footballer Theie is nothine of the "kid clove" annearance about the New Zealand "reps " * * * And, when the final numbers went up the earth spouted people, and shot acres of caps into the air. New Zealand had won' "I told, you so'" Outside, eager people who hadn't seen the match, button-holed the favoured ones. A Chinese launderer rushed forth, and grabbed us. "Which win?" "New Zealand '" "Hoolay I win ten bob '" But, the winning of ten bob or any other sum was not the thing that appealed to either the barrackers for the Union Jack or for the Southern Cross. * # * GERMS PREFERRED. Though they affirm A deadly germ Luiks in the sweetest kiss, Let's hope the day Is far away Of antiseptic bliss. To sterilize \ lady's sighs Would simply be outiageous — I'd much piefer To humour hen And let her be contagious' IT * -X The keen-eyed citizen stood in Adeu laide-road, and gazed seai chingly at the roof of a house from, which a flame was issuing. He gave a wild y&U of "Fire!" and sprinted for the neaiest alaim A citizen who knew something chased him, and caught his fleeting coat-tails as he hurled himself at the alai-m. "Lemme go!" he hissed. "There's a fire!" "There isn't." "You're a liar. I saw if "Go on, its only a couple of bucklayeis mending an earthquaked chimney." He dragged the alarmist back to the incipient conflagration. He was right. Just then, the Fire Brigade dashed up Taranaki-street at fifteen miles an. hour.

McMurran's book — or, at least "Fiom New York to New Zealand," a book with that adventuious American's name on its khaki cover — is out. It cost a lot of money, did that book. Some scribe long ago sand McMvi ran's work was marked by extreme originality. There is no originality about "NewYoik, etc." It is guide-book literature pure and simple — information that can be obtained from numerous local sources without money and without price. * * * It is edited by Mr. Montrose, a NewZealand journalist, who has probably had to look up the authorities to knock the American's stuff into shape. It is the sort of book that MoMurran or anyone else could have written as easily m New York as in Wellington, provided he spent about four dollars in. year books, and another four dollars mi photographs. The meiit of the book as a literary pi oduction is entirely due to its. editor. * * * That seuous paper, the London "Daily News," is getting flippant in its old age. Thus " 'One Week, One 'Day ' — The marriage of Lieutenant-Col-onel John S. Day, R.E , to Winifred Ella Week, has inspired a Oeylon poet with the following. — One Week the less — One Day the more — But Time need not complain , There'll soon be little Days enough To make a Week again." * • * Disconcerting wne received in town last night. — "Mr, Blank, manager of the All Right dredge, reports that he does not intend to wash this month." Soap must be at a stiff premium 0111 the West Coast. * * * Really and truly the "New Zealand Times" is revolutionising spout. As is well-known, its opinions on football and other branches of sport aie eagerly devoured all over the colony. The "Times" us not content with playing football during the winter season. It has arranged for the Ranfurly football shield to be fought for during the middle of the cricket season. Thus, in its issue of the twelfth —"The Taranaki men aie anxious to win the trophy, and it is extremely probable that during the pi esent month a challenge will be sent in for a match against Wellington during December to determine possession." * • * A story comes from Napiei , dealing with the great drank topic. One of the class refused to leave an hotel, and the man who was used! for that purpose got a handful of slack tweed and some coat collar, and fired him into darkness. He lay there, a gurgling heap, protesting, with lots of spare vocabulary, that his leg was broken. The police took him away to the station, where he was caiefully laid on the table pending the setting of the leg, whereupon he jumped down, and danced round, offering to smash any three policemen in New Zealand. The way his leg had healed was wonderful Seeing he was looking for trouble, he got it. The tale that ai poor, dear, lon© man, with a bleeding, broken leg, a hole in his head, and smashed ribs was being brutally ill-treated by seven constables got around, and' the populace were very much surprised to ultimately learn that the dear, innocent was sent to gaol.

The following bankruptcy announcement recently appeared in. an Australian journal — "Mary Ann OBrien, of Yarravvouga, nurse. Liabilities, £74 10s 7d , assets, £15 , deficiency, £59 10s 7d , cause of deficiency, decline in the birth-iate."

AS IT WILL BE. Give me a spoon of oleo, ma, And 1 the sodium alkali, For I'm going to make a pie, mamma, I'm going to make a pie ; For John will be hungry and tired, ma, And his tissues will decompose!, So give me a gramme of phosphate, And the carbon and cellulose. Now give me a chunk of caseine, ma, To sihorten the thermae fat, And give me the oxygen bottle, ma, And look at the thermostat ; And if the electric oven is cold', Just turn it on half an ohm, For I want to have dinner ready As soon as John comes home. * * * Ridiculous stories as to England's alleged participation in the Russo-Jap war are being published m the Siberian newspapers. The other naming a Tomsk journal elaborated a story which has already gone the rounds, to the effect that many of the Chunohus bands aie led by disguised Englishmen. "The stories contained in our soldiers' letters," says this authority, "place the fact beyond doubt. During the fight which took place near Haiohen on April 16th, one of the fleeing Chunchuses was heard' to cry to a companion, Itun, Run!' to which the other Chunohus replied. 'All right!'" "There can be no doubt as to the genuineness of tthis story," concludes the writer, "as 'Run, run!' was the English officers' favourite command during the Crimean war." * # # Mr. Jas. Speed the sporting tobacconist of the Quay, has a quaint haunour. In his window was a model of the head of a very healthy-looking British bull-dog, holding a fern in his mouth. The motto leads: "What we have we'll hold." It is an allegorical allusion to the present football campaign. That bull-dog didn't hold it, however. The moa bumped him raixher hard. * * * A canvasser up North sold a piano, and took £5 from the purchased- as a deposit. He was charged with false pretences, and elected to defend his own case. Started his oration at 10.30, and poured out sixteen columns of things before twelve, when the jury wore a pale look, the judge snored fitfully, and the opposing lawyer groaned. After an adjournment for lunch, the canvasser oontmued his address. The police fainted one by one, the audience withered away, strong men sobbed 1 , and still the rattle of that canvasser's voice. * • • Three o'clock, and still going. The honour of a pure^hearted 1 canvasser had been assailed, and he must say a few words in defence. He went on saying them. At 4.30 he woundi up with a passionate appeal to the jury, who had mothers and wives and sisters dear and grey-headed fathers, not to blast bis reputation and bring his bald head 1 in sorrow to the grave. The jury woke up with a sob ; the judge rubbed his eyes. Not guilty ' And he's not in Parliament.

The insuiance agent buckled on his life-taker, and sallied rorth to do the suburbs. He a&cended the steps of a nice little cottage, and banged at the door. Come theieto a plump, middleaged, good-looking woman, who listened without anger to his tale. Had she a husband? She had. When ewas he J He was inside. Hadl she any objection to allowing him to see the gentlema.ii, with the object of effecting a contract with him p Not at all. "Step thi.s way. John! Here's a gentleman to s>ee you '" "All h 1 " sang out John. "You let 'em in, welly good'" The esteemed gentleman was a Chinaman ! * * * Having effected the interview , the insurance agent was shown to the door by the Mongol's wife. He Ava*> a blunt sort of a ohap, and he just remarked "Well, only fancy a nice-looking white woman like you mariymg a Chinamaai '" The lady laughed. "Oh, that's nothing. Why, I've got a sister down here who's married to a Scotchman'" Out informant is also a Scotchman, wellknown in Wellington And yet they say Scotchmen can't see 01 enjoy a joke. There was a solemn conference sitting in Wellington a week 01 two ago, composed of delegates from many New Zealand churches. They weie discussing the question of clerical mineiancy, when the door opened, and a man with a, bag was framed' therein. "Mornm', gents all!' Guess I've jest about struck you right. Any of you passons shave yourselves? Ef so, you can take the word of a citizen of the finest all-fired country on this spherical airth that the soap I'm gom' to sell to each and every one of you will leave a feeling like a maiden's kiss. Yes, sirree, once let that soap tickle your labial ornaments, and the gells ain't got nary a chance never no more. Say, you — referring to the chairman — can I trade? Don't all speak at once. Only use the soft kind o' soap? Well, no offence. S'long'" And he had rattled his bag shut, and was gone. * * » Incident on wharf when Mr. BedellSivright and two of his team stepped on to the Governor's jaunting-car the day before the New Zea,land-British match. Said a fireman to his mate "Is that all 0 " "Yus" " 'Ow many o' them New Zealand blokes played in the Otnto match?' "Fifteen" "Well I'm blowed ! Three to fifteen ! Hoo — bloomin' — ray'" That firema.n probably doesn't play football. * * * One paper punted a telegram about the Pahiatua bye-electiom like this — "The returning officer, after enquiues, says there 1® no truth in the humour that the baJlot-boxes were tampered with." * * * Still the earthquake yarns roll in. One local youth, who woiks in a mercantile house, and who had been paying court to the prettiest typiste, who had scorned him and his fifty shillings, says he wished the earthquake had lasted for ever. Two typistes hung on to him for dear life. He was never so cuddled before. Another very seared and rotund hero, in a good position, dived out of his office, and rushed through the next room, which was full of soared girls. So anxious was he to get clear that hie jumped over a prostrate girl. Afterwards, he came back and apologised. "You see," he said, "when the skylight in my office came clattering' about my ears, I thought it time to 'get ' " The girls had 1 a sly look at that skylight. It was good and whole. Somehow, we incline to the belief that there were few men heroes about. * * * Mr. J. H Pope, late inspector of native schools, who has retired on account of failing health, is known in eveiy Maori hamlet by the affectionate title of Te Popi. Some time since a missionary's wife at one of the pahs on the Wanganui river found a Maori in a state of extreme dejection, weeping softly. "What is the matter, Hone p " "Te Popi is dying!" "What? I never heard of it. I don't believe it '" Then, the Maori, angei ed at the disbelief, bi ought the daily paper, and pointed to the headlines "The Pope Dying." "Not expected to live." The Maori knew only one Pope in this wide, wide world. Reassured, Hone dried his eyes. * * « Mr. George Troup, chief clerk in the Railway Department, is the clever civil servant who designed the new Railway Buildings. Mr. Carmiohael, the contractor, when given the plans, suggested various alterations to meet the exigencies of earthquakes. But, when the contractor's suggestions were referred to Mr. Troup for his report, he stood by his guns When the big shake came the other day, and everybody rushed helter skelter from the building, remembering Mr. Oarmichael's advice, George sat tight in his chair. "Hooray!" he said, in a suppressed voice, "Let 'em all come. This is the test." And the building remains.

"The prohibition method of "putting down drink" —The Rev. T. Fee, Methodist minister atßangioia, during a license meeting, stated that he would sooner see twenty sly-grog shops- in a town than one licensed hotel. # * * A laige number of country cousins got hopelessly "bushed" m Wellington duiing football night. Some of them who were fortunate enough to get accommodation didn't find then way to thenhotels. One man, who opined he was somewheie near his hotel, saw some lettering stuok on a building overhead, and climbed on a fence to read the name of the street. Striking a match, the passing policeman noticed that an unusual illumination surrounded the legend "Bmk's Bulbs foi Biliousness are the Best.' 1 * * * There is a great demand for the photogi aphs of pretty babies now for socaal use. A new game has arrived which is useful in whihng away the hours at evening parties. All the ladies bring a photograph of themselves as babies. The man who identifies the largest number of the gills wins a prize. At a party on the Terrace the other day a particularly pretty baby's photograph was identified as being tihe child picture of a lady who was at least twenty years of age ssomee — cr — weeks ago The name on. the photograph is that of a photographer who started business in Wellington three years ago. • * ♦ Tins is leap year, and one young lady at least in Kaikoura has been exercising the privilege, judging by the following advertisement in the local paper : — "If the young lady who so kindly offered me her hand in marriage will send me- her name, I will accept her with pleasure. — D.W.S."