Enter Nous.

Free Lance, Volume III, Issue 129, 20 December 1902, Page 14

Enter Nous.

IN order to give our staff the full benefit of the holidays, the Free Lance, tor the next two weeks, will be published on Wednesday instead of Friday as usual. Our friends, the general public, will please take note. • • • Wellington youngsters will lose nothing by overwhelming modesty. A propos, one of them recently had a pony given to him by his recently had a pony given to him by his parents, for a A pony is a born wanderer, and when the youngster wanted to ride him, he found that he Had retired from the neighbourhood, and gone to look for young grass. Mounted on his bike with a small brother) "double banked" on the step, the owner set sail for the hills, and espied tine quadruped grazing on aloftv mount. The usual four hours' walk for a halfhow's ride ensued, and the youthful hero of this yarn felt tired and stiff. * * * His' stiffness was not a circumstance to- his hunger however and, when he espied a picnic party, busy with its comestibles he stumbled on it in a nonchalant style. "Good day," he said, in a general way. "Hot, ain't it? Awful hungry a fellow gets chasing horses, don't he? My wrd. I've missed mv dinner!" he continued eyeing the spread eagerly. "Hard lines for a fellow to mijs his dinner, isn't it?" he hinted, still gazing on the "kai " Everyone admitted it. but no invitation was forthcoming. "Oh, well, I'll have to get home," he lugubriously muttered, "but, I know 1 mv dinneir will be cold." Even this did not "fetch" the picnickers, and the hungry horse-hunters went empty away. But. between you and us, that youngster will never starve. • • ♦ Dear Lance. — Your local in "Afternoon Tea Gossip," re "where all the good timber is going," is a reproach upon the timber merchants in the city, as I take they are meant when Builders (capital "B") say "they have to take what is sent." As a timber merchant, I put in my denial to the reproach as against myself, and I think the other yards supply as good timber as I do Th© quality is good, and fit for the purpose- that it is simnlied and there is only one quality in ordinary building timber — not two — but we do not protend to sell seantlmps dry • if tbe\ are used oreen the fau't is either the builder's ar the architect's who do not ;>Uo\\ for drying. — Yours etc , TnrnEß Merchan-

Wellington policemen and firemen laid the foundation of a San daw anatomy by listening to him, and getting drilled by his instructor on Fnday. The Fire Brigade Station was, the place of instruction and the room was full of the ' foorce," fire quenchers, and other people. Mr. Young, Sandow's punil, stood on a table, and did things that made the perspiration start from every policeman's nores. One cam do "Sando w" in bed. or on the street. If therefore, you see a policeman evidently suffering from St. Vitus's dance, you will fear not He will bo aoinj' his "Sandow " The little "nugget," Mr. Young braced bis abdominal muscles >id Sandow hit him thiee blows t,n llv pit of the stomach jusc to «-ho- r that Young's muscles weie of good quality. Then when several policemen had asked if th©v eculd have a bath in the morn<n<i before "Sandowme," the meeting went below and Mr. Young drilled tlhe o-uardia - is of the peace and property Sand ow called for volunteers, but very few police responded. Mind you Sandow exercises are hard work. It delighted us utterly to see siv policemen aggregating about a ton, lying; on their backs in a helpless condition to the order of a little chunk of muscle. • • » The yard was not quite big enough for one persphing; policeman. When he got the wo'i d "'On the hands downbend — stretch I" he found that a neaiby drain was the only hollow that would contain his respectable feet. The lazy section of police, who were not taking any. laughed but anyhow, the drain would not have been bio; enough for the purpose. Some of the "traps" are evidently familiar with the exercises, for one fair-haired giant, with a very fine show of muscle, did not need to be poked in the stomach by Mr. Young. Samdow's thoughts are always on muscle He went round the yard, patting ohildrefli not on the head, but on the arms, lust to see if they were buddm^ Pagels or no. He smokes big black cigars does Sandow, and tries to dod^e tilie cameras. He is not half so aeile when cameras are about as one wouM think • • • The city doctor, who recently advertised for a coachman, got several applications. One applicant was a smart, well-turned-out young man, who had recently returned from African service. He seemed a likely chap, so Dr. Medicus gave him a brief outline of the duties he required of him. "Besides the care of the carriage and three horses," said he, "I shaill want you to clean the boots and the knives, and to help in serving; at table when their© are visitors. The kitchen warden will be in -our care, and you will be required to clean the windows." The ex-soldier asked him if he had any clay in tihe garden. "No." replied the doctor. "Why?" "Because if you had — weill, I mio^ht fill ur> my spare time makino- bricks'" Now the doctor is going around telling r>eo^le that tihe war has snoilt these young colonials.

The American Education Department has just issued a new "sixth reader," and it instals into the minds of the young business precepts and so on. On page thirty-three, the following gem of learning appears — Ten nulls make a trust, Ten trusts make a combine, Ten combines' make a merger, Ten mergers make a magnate, One magnate makes the money. CAt least, he gets it.) • • • The Christmas holidays are in full swing. So is a Wellington lady, who is not noted for liberality of expenditure. Sh© is a miatron erifted with insuppress>ibl© cheekiness, amd the mother of two buxom daughters whose ages, so to speak, bear the limelight. Ma wrote to a hostelry by the briny • "What would you charge for accommodation for myself and my two daughters aged six teen and seventeen respectively? One of the girls is very delicate, and both of them are small eaters." The landlord made special terms to suit the occasion, but the expression on hisi face when the two "fragile" srirls and their substantial mamma put in an ar>t»eiararice can better be imagined than described, amd it was not good to behold the extraordinary contortions of his physiernomv when be first became acquainted with the "sma.ll" appetites (slightly sharpened bv the sea air) of both ma and her two daughters Bonifaoe.has raised his tariff sixpence all round to meet the case. • * • ax rsrvrrvrioN. Since I have youth and stacks of tin And you your loveliness. Why not the three together spin ? (Since I have youth and stacks of tin In Life's bis bowl we're bound to win Some fun, at least, we can't do less. Sine© I have youth and stacks 1 of tin And you your loveliness. • * * There seems, to be a universal desire to out down tihe number of hotels. For instance, North Melbourne has just decided by a poll taken, to close up fifty-seven hotels 1 , Liverpool goes seven better, and has, during the past year or so, closed over 300, mainly the notorious "boozing kens" which existed for the purpose of fleecing sailors of all nations. Although, the question, of prohibition is not one for the general elections in England, the licensing benches have been worrying tihe trade in every important town, and some thousands of "houses" are pulling down their "Spotted Dogs" and "Eight Bells " and other artistic devices wholesale. Then too, England looks after the quality of its liquor, and the man who sells "chair.-lightnine;" erets sat on with much force. The recent regulation of the "traffic" in British South Africa, and throughout the Enmire shows that there is a desire to bring down the miehty brewer from his pedestal as ruler of the King's Dominions. In time, the "Beerage" will again be spelt with a "P." • * • A number of discrepancies Make sad this earthly lot , Advice is always plentiful, But beer and beef are not • * * Dunne; tihe last Supreme Court session in Dunedin the Court crier was absent. When the iudge asked for him, an official remarked • "May it please Your Honor, the crier can't 'cry' to-day his wife is dead.' " But, the laugh that followed had no "snap" in it.

Professor Maccann, the "concertina king," who ha® been delighting Opera House, audiences with his remarkably fine playing, is a product of the town of Birmingham, and a "townie" of Mr. Chamberlain. Asked if he had been playing for any length of time, the Ettle man with the curly hair told ua he bad mastered an ordinary garden kind of concertina by the time he was seven. Family musical ? Well, yes, his father was bandmaster of the 13th Regiment of Foot, and one of England's finest players on the concertina. Little Mac, like all "Bruin" boys had to learn a trade, and he chose engineerine, and, when concertinas fail, he thinks he could get into the swing again in a few months. ♦ • « He has a penchant for playing for nothing, and he tells us the habit he has of brighteninjer ut> the lives 1 of hospital patients is mainly because he himself put in a very cheerless time in on© of them. Be has some quaint remarks to make about the ups and dorms of the profession, and tells a yarn about how he would have won several thousand pounds if he had backed Persimmon. Henumbered among his patrons the exiled Em,peror of France, and the Empress Eugrenie, both of whom, in 1872, remarked that they did not know tfyat there was music in the instrument until they hiad heard the Birmingham boy use it. Mr. Macoann holds the chaamjionshit> of the world for concertina playing. and he won the medal and a £250 prize in New York mamv years asp. The duet concertina the Professor plays is his own invention, and he owns the patent rights. ♦ » ♦ "Emnhatie protests'" are being made by various peot>le. in various parts of the colony, at the necessity for organising concerts amd dances for money to keep school buildings in repair. The capitation received from the Boards of some schools is said to be sufficient onjv to pay a cleaner. They say tfliat school eominattees are "forced" to raise money bv these means to keen the wolf from tbe door, and tlhe door from falling in. There really is not ativ "forciuqr" in the master at all. Tf tint 1 sanitation is rfa*cuffibieint. and school buildinens fall into disrepair. tiHere iff no occasion for the people to force themselves to sit out a concert The" should wb medical certificates phowine that sitting out a conpert is injurious +o tiheir health, and refuse to send tiheir pTuld.ren to a sono°l that is not fit to hold them. There w'H be enough money collected 1 in fines to do away with the need for those coTicerts. ♦ • * It is right and proper for the police man to be protected, and, as a general tlhing, the man in "blue" who d ; stends facts will be listened to with attention , by His Worship. With the liberties he enjoys 1 , he is frequently able to cultivate man's natural aptitude for wandering from the path of actualities, and if he can make a "case" by misrepresentation, he is a smart chap, and ought to be made inspector — of something. Interesting to hear that not everywhere can the policeman gallop down the broad path of romance. At the Old Bailey (London) lately a constable who had "pitched cuffers" inordinately was discharged from the force, and sent to Kaol for five years. Makes them careful, of course. Fancy a learned judge sa.yi-"» •» noliceman had been guilty of "wrenched brutal, and deliberate lyinsj." That pol'ceman surely had no friends in Parliament'

The Wellington. Ratepayers' Association — the title really should be the "Out-of-datepayers' Association" — had another "night out" last week. It is sl small-bodied narrow-inmded conglomeration of men and sadly needs a course of the Shadow system. The remarkable feature about the association's dtaferibe against tlhe mayoral reception of the Torreys and Sandows was the defence of tiiemayorai action by Mr. R A Wright. For, he would be considered the wrong Mr. Wright to set right the Mayor's action with regard to the reception of Sandow Mr. Wright, who, by the way is the very latest! acquisition to the ranks of the Out-of-datepay-ers' Association, is a printer, and was, for years out of memory, m oharge of the composing staff of the New- Zealand "Mail." • » • A few years ago, he left the "Times" employ to go into business for himself. For many years he. has been a preaching evangelist of the Ohuroh of Christ. He organised and manaeed the Petone section of that, sect, and has been a frequent preacher at the Dixon-street and Newtown. ohia -i ] s. He is also an ardent no-licen6e advocate, and some years ago had serious thoughts of contestajnig the Suburbs seat. Mr. Wright is out of place in the Out-of-datetpayers' Association, unless he hopes to convert it by hisi broader views of fife. Certainly, after hearing his speech last week, several members of the association thought they had met the wrong Mr. Wright. • • • The quality of our newspaper cablegramminig is improving. During last week, we had two exceptional items cabled, one from Sydney — telling us that Henry Lawson, poet, had fallen over a 90ft. cliff at Manly — and another from London, telling us that Sydney-sider Louise Mack's book. "An Australian Girl in London," was being favourably reviewed at Home. Strange to say. the clever Louise's book has been on sale in the Wellington book-shops these tihree weeks oast. She is another of the talented circle of "Bulletin writers, and is an ex-school teacher, and has already won book honours with her schoolgirls' novels, "Teens," and its sequel, "Girls Together " both of which were published before Louise (who is Mrs. J. P. Creed, a lawyer's wife in private Efe) set out to caipture London. • • • Henry Lawson the Australian poet and story writer who fell over the cliffs at Mamlv (Sydney) last week, is very well known in Wellington. He has many admirers here, and also not a few personal friends. A painter by trade, it is not yet forgotten that the Labour Department sent him, with a hand-cart load of pots, to nairut the wicket gate which some years aisp gave entrance to the Government House grounds from Molesworth-street. • • * The Sydney-sider came over steerage, though he had a saloon ticket, because, he said, there was lots of "copy" bo be obtained in tlhe steerage, but tihe saloon passengers were too prim, and proper to yield character sketches. Lawson had some very hard times in New Zealand, but not a few of his subsequent sketches contain Maoriland "colour." He "grafted' in a sawmill at the back of Mungaroa, he joined a bush-felline party near Pahiatua, he "humped" teleeraph poles over the Marlborough ranges with a pioneer party there, and he grew so healthy tihat the afflatus forsook him. He returned to Sydney, and some time later came back to New Zealand with a wife. • • • Mr. and Mrs. Lawson secured the charge of a Maori school down at KaikoTira and, after spending nine montihs there they went to London. Two years were sroent in the World's Metropolis, and, quite recently, Mr. Lawson and his family returned to Sydney. It is said that he did well at Home. He published a book of sketches there a few montihs ago, and made satisfactory arrangements for future work. Since his return a number of sketches by Mr. Lawson have appeared in, the "Bulletin." The cliffs at Manly are about as abrupt and ugly as sudden death itself, and the wonder is tihat Mr. Lawson escaped with anything short of a broken neck. • • • The Wellington Highland Rifles had a full-dress parade on Friday night and bravely they looked indeed, with kilts and soorraais waving in the zephyrs. For the first time, the wife and little daughter of the bare-legged private dropped in to see the parade. They had never beheld him. in the garb of old Gaul before ; he preferred to keep it at fehe office. The little girl, of course, was amazed at Pa's transformation, and, evidently, had been told some taradiddle, for as Pa marched oast, his comrades heard her ask, with painful distinctness- "Mamma when Pa finds the man what stole his pants will he gjve me that 'iokle frock?"

It was fairly warm last Sunday. So the young man in the Panama hat and pyjama coat found. He was diligently wheeling a pram, up and down the path in front of a Newtown terrace, and he was mad. That was easy to see. Fancy a fellow having to wheel a baby up and down when he ought to be away swimming in the briny ocean at Island Bay, or being a bona fide traveller to Kilbircue! "George!" The voice oaine from, an open window. "Let me alone, can't you ? " he replied, irritably. His wife let him alone for an hour. George wheeled some more. "George, dear!" Again the wifely voice. "What the diokees do you went ?" George demanded sawunig the pram, backwards and forwards. "I thought you might be tired, dear'" she said. "You've been wheeling Mabel's doll up and down for so long that I thought you'd better give the baby a turn!" And the air was full of doll and curse for some moments thereafter.

A Wellington girl is back again from Sydney, with a ' roken heart. She is awfully nice, asnd n. is to be hoped the damage is nob irreparable. She belongs to the romantic class of girls and when that beautifully curled, young man at Manly dived into the water, and brought back her spring toque 6ihe thought he was just the nicest young fellow in Sydney. So he was. He was the son of Sir Guy Hyssop of England. Just out heah faw the Cup, doncherknow. Hoped to win a few "monkeys," too, you know, and all that kind of thong. And the friendship ripened. On the Saturday immediately preceding the departure of Miss Wellington's boat, she strolled along the beach, her soul enwrapped in thoughts of Hyssop. Some day she would be Lady Hyssop, and live in a castle', and visit ncr husband's tenants. * # * Coming round the corner of the hotel, sine espied a wind-blown woman, with two tousled youngsters dragging on to her. Hyssop was wheeling a pram, with a couple of snub-nosed children in it' When he saw her, he fled. "Who is that maa' rl " asked M'ss Wellington, of the weary little woman. "Why, he's ihe 'usband, that's who he is. Wot d'you want to know for? Imperance'" "And, isn't he the son of Sir Guv Hysson ?" "Gam ! E' keeps a little barber's shop rahnd in Pitt-street. Clear out o' this, a tryin' to pet round me old man. I'll gjv yer a wipe acrost the jor!" And this is a Wellington ~irl's first romance! • * * It could not have happened in a Wellington tram but still the man. who says it did swears point blank that it was so The tram had its full complement of passengers. No more, and no less (This is the first fib.) A tired little woman tried to cet in at the "Central" corner. The guard stopped her. Too full! (Fib number two.) "Oh, well, I'll chance it!" he said at last, and let her in. A man with a carriage and four air, but a two-penny fare, -Tared

round, and counted the passengers. He asked, the guard if he was aware he had now one more passenger than the byelaws allowed? "I believe I have," said the guard, and started counting. The objector he counted last. "Yes s'r "he said, "I've one too many. You are the one. Get out, please!" and the objector got. The little woman remained.

ehopi-jd tbe week in halves, and made Sunday seem so far away. There will be strong opposition to any proposal for a colonial Saturday holiday, and, of course, a great outcry in some quarters against it. The Saturday night town parade would cease. Why shouldn't it ? It is generally a pretty senseless kind of meandering up and down, over holey pavements, or an organised shopping expedition, calculated to send shoppeople (excepting the man with the bank-book) home too tired for Sunday recreation. * * • The girls behind the counter, and in the glare of the gas, do not look tired. It is not laborious work. One h?s only to run around for twelve or thirteen hours, with a statutory chair ready to be sat on if one oan find time to sit on it. Perhaps, you have got a daughter who does not look tired when she leaves for the shop nice and tidy on Monday morning. Does shd look tired when she flops into tihe old arm-chair at home? We think so. Why should she, or, indeed, her brother either, work continuously for many houra longer than the ordinary unionist merely because that unionist is free to do his, shopping on Saturday night ? * * * Suppose) the whole thing were established ow a fair basis. Suppose the girl worked ocly the hours of a carpenter, or a bricklayer, or a navvy, still witli an eighth, of his wages, what theiv ? The employer would not suffer in the long run. The girl would suffer less, and it is a fair tiling that she should be considered. People will have to shop some time or other, even if every shop in the country is shut at 12 o'clock on Saturdays. They will probably shop in the same emporiums, and the emporiums will not have to put their shutters' up permanently. And tihe same volume of business will oe done, even although not spread • ver so many hours. * ♦ • The labour laws of New Zealand are liberal — in patches. The paoeh that deals with shops, and workers in them, might be amended with advantage

Ib is not liberal to keep shop - people on their feet from early morning until late at night. The universal Saturday half-holiday is the only cure. In the words of th© pill advertisement, "once it is tiied it ■» ill be always used."

A very pleasing manifestation of the high personal esteem in which Mr. J. M. Murrell is held by the mercantile community of Wellington — it is shared by everyone who knows him — took t>lace on Monday last. It assumed the form of a handsome a 1 bum, containing an illuminated address from the merchants of Wellington, backed up by their signatures, and beautified by the addition of some charming water-colour sketches of the harbour, from the brush of Mr. C. N. Worsley. And, Mr. W. A. Kennedy (manager of the Union S.S. Company) mod© the presentation) in the happiest possible terms.

The signatories, in their address, asked Mr. Murrells acceptance of lb as "a small evidence of the esteem and poodwill we bear, and always have borne, to you sinee 1 your advent to the city as manager of Messrs. Huddart Parker and Co. (Ltd.)." It also congratulates him. upon "the conspicuous energy amd ability which have ever characterised your management, and also upon the position the company has attained, we believe maanly bv your zeal amd conciliatory bearing to the public." And, so say all of us. The signatures, which are those of the leading firms of Wellington, are headed by the president of the Chamber of Commerce, the Mayor, the chairmiaai of the Harbour Board and the manager of the New Zealand Shipping Company. * * # Mr. Fred. W. Haybittle (senior member of the firm of George Thomas and Co.) is one of the few people in this community who have kissed the blarney stone. The highly successful manner in

which he conducted the sale of the Willow Bank Estate, at the Lower Hutt, an Wednesday last, would suggest as much. But attendance at the sale would have absolutely convinced you of the fact. There was a crowded audience, and the manner in which Mr. Haybittle baited to them, painted the glories of the Hutt, and dwelt upon the surpassing charms of Willow Bank, would have tempted the canniest Scot that ever lived to bang his last saxpence. * * * At any rate it was a truly great feat to sell every section at an average price of £1200 per acre within eisjhb days of Christmas, when T>eople are spending freely for the holidays, and are supposed to be dead off all other specs. Remember, too, what a glut of real estate bargains' they have had lately. Truly, Fred. Haybittle is a wizard of the hammer. The sale totalled £8679 10s od. After this, we are not surprised to learn that Messrs. Geo. Thomas and Co. are likefy to add a land® and mercantile sales department to their extensive auctioneering business. * * * Mr. Tom Inglis, of Inghs Bros. , cycle importers, in his recent world wanderings, went to much trouble to see everything that was to be seen in the wav of motor-cars. As France led the way in motor building, he decided that tlhe most improved French models were probably the best. Amongst French oars, he is convinced that the Rex, fitted with a De-Dion-Bauten motor, is the p'ok of the basket. The firm will land a nine horse-power machine of this make on Tuesday next. The machine has a sparking apparatus', modified t') so with tremble coil, has three speeds, and is reversible. The maximum speed is forty miles an hour. One of these eisrht horse-power toimeaux defeated all other machines at the recent, motor races in America, travelling 100 miles, against a blizzard, in 4hr Bmin, swending 24 minutes repairine a punctured tyre. * • * Mr. Edwin Arnold is doing a thriving business in baGketware and go-carts and the little ones are getting fitted up with wicker delights for the festive season. If you ask Mr. Arnold about it, he will tell you that no baby ever cried in his <rocarts — they are so pretty. Also, that the same child will grow fatter in an Arnold cradle than in one of any other make. He has a few cartloads of dollfi' pramsi. , and they can be had for next to nothing. Mr. Arnold suggests that the Premier might take a. trip across Cook's Straits in a willow boat of his construction.