Entre Nous

Free Lance, Volume III, Issue 119, 11 October 1902, Page 14

Entre Nous

ONE peculiar and unexpected result of the Torrey mission has been a falling away in the demand for books of fiction in the private and public libraries throughout the colony. As a matter of fact, not a few people have ceased reading, and have taken to meditation. They are filled just now with the awful seriousness of life, and there is nothing but vanity and frivolity for them in the works of the oild or the modern fictionists. Wellington libraries have felt the force of the revival. * * * A newly-wedded couple, bound for Napier, on their honeymoon tour, boarded the train at Palmerston North. On reaching Woodville, the happy pair appeared to be struck with the quiet surroundings of that sleepy little iown, and, apparently, being of the opinion that it was an ideal place to snend the honeymoon, decided to disembark. The bridegroom was as calm as a mill-pond, takme his captivity and new responsibilities as a matter of course. The blushing young wife, however, got a little excited, and was deeply concerned about the bageage, which consisted of a hat-box sugar bag, and a battered trunk the latter, probably containing the trousseau. * * ♦ The meanest man in Wellington is not the gentleman who makes one porous plaster serve the whole family spriatim. The pater familias who makes his children write in small text in order to' save ink is considered to have prior claims to the title. * • # If an insurance company pays a claim at once, ten to one most of the nar>ers will go into ecstacies, and call it "businesslike promptness," and pat that insurance company on the back. It makes one imagine that insurance companies are benevolent institutions, es^ pecially designed by Providence to ladle out riches to the burnt out. Sunpose they did not settle claims with "businesslike promptness," and still went on building twelve-storied mansions worth a million pounds a time, what then? They are necessary evils, these insurance offices, and there is no need to exalt them into a sort of religion. To remark that it is wonderful that a company does what it contracts to do is about as silly as raising one's eyes in astonishment because a shopkeeper kindly condescends to hand over the goods you have paid for.

The Lance has always understood that it is a distinct breach of the postal regulations to send hard cash, in letters. Yet, we find that the "Review of Reviews" for Australia — the director of which is a wearer of clerical cloth — has been tempting many of our womenfolk to send coins through the post. In connection with the advertising of a new publication, the manager of the "Review of Reviews" has sent to many ladies in Wellington a piece of card with shilling-sized holes punched therein, and the recipient is asked to place coins in the openings, write the address on the card — and post in an envelope. It would be awkward for some of the ladies who have "followed directions" if the postal authorities happened to discover the infringement. We wonder whether Mrs. Postal Secretary Gray got one of those new ideas ' * # # It is almost incredible that many of the anointed people of this enlightened land are superstitious, and still believe in "charms." There is an army of the fortune-telling fraternity "doing" this country in two senses just at present. One gentleman in the Wairarapa heard that a woman was ill in bed, and he set out to cure her. To work the charm, a glass of water, a beetle, and a poundnote were required A beetle was captured, a note forthcoming, and a glass of water provided. The magician then placed all three under the bed, with many incantations, and said "Don't look or touch till I come again " The conditions were complied with, and when the seer came again and looked under the bed it was declared that the beetle had eaten the note, and thereby enabled the water to absorb the sickness and the patient would soon be well ' The disappearance of the note is the most strikine thing in this story. The correct thing; to strike, however, would seem to be the seer. "Miss Eva is a long time coming down," said Gussie to> the .girl who had ushered him into a Wellington Terrace residence the other afternoon "Perhaps," he added, with a sardonic grin, "she is making up her mind whether she will see me or not?" "Oh dear, no, sir," replied the maid, "it is not her mind she is making up , it is her back hair. She will bei down in five minutes, and will be pleased to see you." • • • Among other "strongest men in the world" are Sandow, Professor Miller, and Herr P&gel. The latter was a wharf labourer in Sydney, not long aero, and the way he heaved bales of wool around led an enterprising entrepreneur to remark that he was a strong young fellow and would he kindly take the billet as the strongest man in the world. Pagel now wrestles with a lion wei^hine 3001bs, and, after giving Leo a trying time, throws him over his head. Also, he ascends two upright ladders with a foot on each, with a horse which weighs 13001bs suspended from his waistbelt. The Scandinavian is said to b° making more than 8s a day now.

The managing head of a house in Wellington, which deals chiefly in soft goods, has a marvellously keen eye after the welfare of his employees, including heads of departments and all others. His presence is seriously felt, as his whereabouts are never known. Private clubs, hotels, billiard-saloons, etc., etc., are all open to him, and his movements are as uncertain as angels' visits'. But, woe betide the unlucky wight in his employ that he detects playing a game of billiards or taking his liquor freely. The following day will

The person who goes to church, and, when the plate comes round, furtively feels in his pocket for silver that he pretends is not there, is a common product of our civilsation. Of course, cms person always looks distressed and wags his head sadly. A very extraordinary church-goer, in a town near Wellington however, really did forget his usual sixpence the other day. Now, he is a conscientious man, and when he found ha had not any money, he felt mean. However, he took a scrap of paper from his pocket and a fountain pen, and made out an I. 0. TJ. for Is. The gentleman who made up the cash wanted to know what a pawn ticket for a set of artificial teeth was doing in the collection, until he turned it over and discovered the I. 0. U They do not know now whether to redeem the >.eet>h or present the I. 0. U. Which would you do ? "Weary Willie," as the representative of the tramp, the swagger, the modern Ishmael, is generally considered a-good-for-nothing, a social pest, the gentleman of the road, for whom the dog was kept, and upon whom the bull-pup was sooled." But, even the regular dead-beat class must have an exception, and he is being inquired for by a grateful farmer in Canterbury. It appears that a swagger was wearily plodding his way through the country, when he noticed a fire in the roof of a farm-house. Warning the inmates — who at first thought he was "acting the goat" — the swaggie climbed on the roof stripped the iron off the spot over the seat of the fire, and, with some water passed up by the now active residents, soon put the fire out. Then whilst the folks were busily talkinsc over "what might have been," swagcne did not leave his card, and did not wait for thanks' * • • Nature has apparently sided with the Hospital Trustees, for she has, on two successive occasions, thrown such a "damper" on Hospital Sunday as to prevent the collection being taken up. If this sort of thing continues, the bandsmen will either throw un their engagement , or come to a compromise with the Trustees, for no man can fight the elements. But, what have our rifle clubs done that Nature should weep at the prospect of the opening of their new season? For the third time, the Karori and the Petone Clubs had to postpone their opening matches. The Petone Club sought to propitiate the watery elements by asking: the wife of its president to fire the first shot, but Nature was ungallant, and there were some glum-looking riflemen about the town on Saturday.

invariably bring the delinquent tobook. It occasionally happens, however that the employee has a turn, as happened the other day, when the old man was having a "nip" 5 on the quiet. The barmaid had unwittingly given him the bottle and glass, and, when her back was turned, the "boss" man was seen helping himself to a "fourth mate* nip," and was oarefully secreting it under his hand when an employee rushed in and caught him. Since then, his prohibition lectures are not regarded seriously.

A gentleman of unimpeachable integrity tells us that the deafest man. he knows is his ancient father. He wanted to test the depths of his deafness the other day, so he took him on, to the hill near one of the Wellington forts while the batteries were practising. Taking him in a sheltered spot, where the dear old soul oould not see the guns, they seated themselves and gave themselves up to the admiration of the beauties of the harbour. Presently, the new thir-teen-ton gun commenced to fire several shots a minute. Then., a look of seraphic bus's came over the face of the old man. "Why, that is the first lark I've heard this spring," he said. * * » A fearsome tragedy was avoided up country recently by sheer presence of mind. Some sports, who were holding] a sparrow-shooting match next day, wanted some sparrows, of course, and a party of them essayed a raid on a colony in the "eaves" of a farmer's barn at tihe dead of night, armed to the teeth with lanterns and nets. The farmer heard the racket, got down bis trusty blunderbuss, and sallied forth. "Who goes there?" he cried. "Sparrows," said the joker of the party. * ♦ ♦ As Sparrows was the nick-name of the village loafer and "bad egg" generally, the farmer fired his blunderbuss in the air, and closed with the party. He got "sparrows" on the ground, and squeezed him tight while the rest of the "sports" were dealt with by the farmer's family. When "Sparrows" was released, and a lantern brought to view the wreck, he was found to be a highly respected J.P., and the owner of the farmer's holding. If that farmer had not had the presence of mind to fire high there would have been aJ. P. struck off the roll when the Justice Department had time. The fact that "falls of sulphur" have been frequent in New Zealand lately has led an unbelieving person to make rude remarks thereon. On this serious subject he volcanically remarks • "Good old pinus insignia ! Ever since Rotomahana 1 eruption sixteen years ago, paragrapha have appeared in New Zealand and Australian papers, as regularly as the spring comes round, chronicling mysterious 'falls of sulphur' in connection, with showers of rain, the said 'sulphur 5 lining the puddles in the roads, etc., and being nothing more than the pollen of the above-named trees, which is shed in clouds at this season, and travels) some distance owing to its lightness. Already some of our guileless contemporaries have recorded this mysterious visitation at the Thames and at Blenheim, and it is enough to make the

sea-seipent turn gieeu with envy to see his tame-honoured place thus taken by such an upstart yarn as this, which is only yet in its teens!" People are under the impression that when the wind is blowing nieces of rock from the South Island over on to this country it is windy in Wellington. This is not so. It blows up Opitonui way sometimes, however A gentleman, who is on a holiday m the bush there tells us that he was awakened from his slumbers m the whare by being dashed upon the floor with his bunk on top of him. A gentle zephyr had caught the dwelling, torn it to atoms and scattered the material in all directions. The main part of the building was hurled into the Opitonui stream, close by, but some portions were carried across the creek, some two or three hundred yards. A fowling-piece was carried across the stream, and dashed to pieces on the rocks. Everything of a light nature, such as a bank pass, book and papers, went heavenward and have not been seen since. He has decided to stay in calm and peaceful Wellington for the next equinoctial visitation. * * * For ways that are unexpected, and at times." refreshing, country members of local bodies cannot be surpassed. A much - heckled member of an Education Board, which is a near neighbour of the Wellington Board on the West Coast, recently resigned his seat. When the motion to accept the resignation "with regret was proposed a new member of the Board, in seconding the motion said he did so with much greater and more sincere regret than anyone else because his mincipal reason for joining the Boaid was for the purpose of barracking and worrying the gentleman who had lesigned' * * * The Health Department ,is engaged at present, among other things in an examination of the foetid bank-note, that handy system of exchange — for cash and disease. If they find after isolating and "cultunng" a specially greasy "note," that it develops fungus, what are they going to do? Call in all the flimsy, greasy, chewed, and tattered germ orchards, or place bowls of disinfectants m public places to dip them in? « * • The scratching of Ideal for the New Zealand Cup reminds us of a good story. A youthful newspaper man, having served his apprenticeship on a country paper in the South, found another opening, and left the town of his adoDtion for a city position. His former employer, one of the goody-goody stamp, wrote him a nice letter urging him to always attempt a high ideal. The letter arrived on the morning of the New Zealand Oup of 1900, and contained a post-office order for three guineas as a douceur. The budding journalist was on duty that day at Riccarton, whither he carried the letter and the enclosed money Having a spare moment, he read the letter, and the word "Ideal"

struck him as appropriate so he changed his order, and invested the £3 on the mare carrying the suggested name. Result: Dead-heat Ideal and Fulmen. Ideal paid £10 12s as a dividend, and the scribe in question has pleasant recollections of the advice tendered to him on that occasion. • • • Oae can imagine nothing so horrorstriking to the common "drunk" as cold water. Mr. Justice Denniston recently commanded a constable to take a "case" into outer darkness, and nlace it under the court pump. There is no law on the statute-book giving this power, and, of course, the constable knew it was a judicial joke. All the same, an M.H.R. might hake a lasting name for himself by bringing in a bill giving courts the power to nurap "drunks" into sobriety.

We olaim to be civilised, but the authorities really aught to have stepped in and prevented what apoeared to be a wholesale slaughter of men on Wednesday. The "New Zealand Times," of the 6th instant, says that "arrangements have been made for a 'field day' for shooting men at Trentham on Wednesday." If the publicly-announced slaughter did take place, evidently the police do not read the papers, or have decided that they dare not over-ride the ruling of our War Office. * * * A person of unprepossessing exterior, minus an arm., and with several large, ugly scars distributed over his face, recently came back from the war to a Southern town, and told his tale. He attended every church meeting he possibly could, and all the sweet ceruleaneyed and peachy-cheeked ewe lambs of the flock smiled on him, and thought him "real nice." That lost limb was so pathetic, and dear Captain Bomb was so interesting. Well, the Pension Court would not sit far a week or so, said Bomb, and would his friends .kindly advance him a few "fivers" until that time, and also until his London bankers could transfer his account? • • « The gallant officer, who was getting on very nicely indeed with one of -the peachy-cheeked ones aforementioned, was recently approached by a strange gentleman, who asked him if he would kindly come with him to New South Wales, as he would there hear of something to his disadvantage. He went, unwillingly, and Southern society is concerned. The gallant captain is out of prison for the first time in twentyfive years, and the missing limb is accounted for by the fact that he somewhat foolishly jumped out of a railway train at Walerawang, five -ears asio, with handcuffs on. And a pale, interesting invalid, with a D.5.0., who went back to that Southern town since Captain Bomb vanished with the detective, cannot even get a simile out of the peachy-cheeked ones.