Entre Nous

Free Lance, Volume II, Issue 59, 17 August 1901, Page 12

Entre Nous

AFTER all the talk in and out of Parliament concerning Miramar it came as a great surprise to find not a hundred citizens tnrned up at the " indignation." meeting in the Exchange Hall, called by the Ratepayers' Association. And the greater portion of the small audience was by no means indignant, except with the Ratepayers' Association! Indeed, it seemed atone time of the evening as if the Association was going to be defeated on its own motion, as, after a notable local couple had emptied the verbal vials of their wrath, not a few of the "indignant" ratepayers left the hall. As a matter of fact, many of the few men who were present went there on the off chance of seeing "a bit of fun" — and went home disgusted and frozen with the chilliness of the proceedings. Out of 5000 ratepayers, thirty-eight voted themselves "indignant" objectors to Miramar ! • • • She is a sprightly young lady, well favoured m the matter of looks, and possesses a will of her own. Her parents persistently opposed her union with a gentleman who, it was whispered, possessed an undesirable asset in the shape of a "past" , but the marriage took place just the same. She obtained permission to take a run up the line on a visit to her sister, and her father telegraphed asking if she had arrived. It appears that her ladyship paid the visit, but it was during her stay in the town that the ceremony quietly took place. She has since found that her judgment was slightly out of plumb, as her husband is now languishing in gaol — an unusual place for a honeymoon — over the matter of a little money which he, unfortunately, thought was his own. There was a pretty family row when the matter leaked out, the upshot being that the bride has left the place for another district, and taken a position far below her station. • • • What is claimed to be a "novel and simple cure" for headache has been discovered. The discoverer tells us that the only thing you have to do to get rid of the ache is to walk backwards for half-an-hour ! Imagine it! Supposing five persons per cent, are afflicted with the commonest of maladies, and they take kindly to the alleged curing process, the novelty will certainly lie in the fact of Lambton Quay, or other popular thoroughfares, being plentifully sprinkled with a people who are likely to make the remaining 95 per cent, of pedestrians wish they had never been born.

Have you noticed a leading employee in a local retail establishment with his hand in bandages P If you do meet him, refer to the bandages at your peril. He has not just returned from the war, but he has been in the wars just the same. His first painful experience happened the other morning as the clock chimed out the quarter after nine. The sight of a young lady entering the establishment somewhat hurriedly fifteen minutes after the time employees were supposed to be at work, gave lum one of those chancesi which he has the reputation of being prompt to take advantage of. So he commenced to give her a wigging about her dilatortness, and for a few minutes she stood speechless. • • • Then she recovered somewhat, and spoke. To his dismay, he found that he had been "carpeting" a customer— a young lady well-known, too, in Society, and who had had occasion to do some shopping early. His humble apologies were profuse, but were made to the empty air, and to a few sniggering employees, for the lady had indignantly quitted the establishment. It is said that the discomfited individual had not recovered from the shock when he happened to go> down to the cellar. There, rather than kick himself, as he would have been justified in doing, he kicked a ferret, which is kept there to watch over rats. The animal turned on him, and to soothe it, he endeavoured to stroke its back This time it was the ferret's turn to seize its opportunity, in the shape of its assailant's hand, and it seized it most thoroughly, and held on for some seconds. This explains those aforementioned bandages. • • • A lively little story comes fresh from a Southland township. A difference of opinion had arisen between the local editor and the medico, and then compliments were exchanged. "Your paper, sir," said the doctor, "is a rag, and it is full of mistakes!" "As full of mistakes, doctor, as the cemetery is of yours!" was the delicious retort courteous of the newspaper man. » • • Whether it was a case of hypnotism, or a feat of somnambulism, it is not altogether clear, but, at any rate, it is unsafe to exclaim "Lights out" to the perpetrator of the following incident, who is a lodger at a leading hotel in Palmerston North. The gentleman in question is a namesake of a world-wide vendor of pills, but he is more popularly known by the sobriquet of "Dad." "Dad," who is in the habit of obliging the landlord of the hotel by extinguishing the lights at closing-up time, did not feel quite so well as usual the other day, and, after partaking of the six o'clock evening: meal, reclined himself on a couch, and was soon safe in the arms of Morpheus. Great consternation was caused, when, an hour later, the "lodger," aroused from his slumber, thinking it was past the mid-night hour, and that he must not neglect to carry out his self-imposed duty, frantically paraded through the building, extinguishing all lights, and transforming the establishment into a hall of darkness. For a few moments disorder and confusion reigned supreme, but when quietness and order was restored, "Dad" came in for a very warm time.

The story of a postponed wedding has been related in Wellington during the week, and is declared to be perfectly true in every respect. It appears that a charming young lady, who is well known in this district, had long been engaged to a Dunedin mercantile man, and the pair at last fixed the happy day. Being very busy, however, the bridegroom, unfortunately, delayed his departure from the Southern city until almost the last moment, and, when he arrived at Christchurch, he was dismayed to find that his clothes, wedding presents, and money, which he had stowed away in his portmanteau, had disappeared, and no trace of them could be found anywhere. There was nothing for it but to telegraph home for a fresh supply of cash, and to wire to Wellington asking his bride to put off the wedding a day in order to enable him to reach here in time. "All's well that ends well," and the happy affair duly came off, but the bridegroom was much better engaged than spending time in searching for the supposed thief who caused him so much anxiety.

Just at present there is a local tradesman who is endeavouring to kick himself severely for missing a "good thing." A young man, who was keeping his accounts straight for a stipend of thirty shillings or thereabouts weekly, had the temerity to fall in love with the daughter of the magnate, whom he met at the house of a mutual, friend. The irate parent, who heard of the little affair, endeavoured to rudely rupture the reciprocated affection, and forbade the daughter to attend the house, and generally made things unpleasant all round. Now, the clerk had an aged uncle in Mexico, and the old fellow died recently, leaving the bulk of his fortune to the penurious penman. • • • This news item also the formerly irate parent heard, and, seeing a business alliance probable, with an added capital of £30,000 (the amount of the young man's legacy), he invited him to dinner, with the intention of giving him every opportunity to cement the ruptured alliance. The young man promptly replied that his affections had undergone a change with his banking account, that he required no patronage, and that he is on his way to England to wed a girl of his earlier choice. The Wellington paterfamilias intends to let young love take its undisturbed course in future, especially as his daughter is still pining in single blessedness in the latter years of her twenties. • * • They are telling a good story up in a back-country town concerning a tanner who went South for a holiday. He travelled in one of the Union S.S. Company's steamers, in which the electric light was used. When he got back to the bosom of his family, Dad was asked to give impressions ot his journey. Something good was expected, for he had not been away from home for twenty years. Speaking of the sea trip, he said that everything was simply perfect- — except one thing. "They kept the light burning in my bedroom away long after bed-time," he said, "and I did not like it." He was asked why he did not blow it out. "Blow it out," exclaimed Hayseed, "how could I?" The darned light was inside a bottle!" * • » Very few people have any idea of the worry the manager of the city tram service has to go through. Take the incident which Mrs Featherstonstreet report ed the other day. And imagine the dialogue of the great lady and the small manager. She was very angry, he was very patient. Said he — "Do I understand. Madam, that you were standing on the Duke corner when the oar came along?" "Yes, I was waiting for it." 'And it did not stop?" "It went straight on along Manners-street." "Did the driver see you?" "Of course he did — he looked straight at me." "Did you signal to him — did you wave your umbrella to him?" "Do I look like a woman who would signal to a man or wave an umbrella to him?"

"Well, no, not exactly. But, you see, occasionally a woman stops at a corner for a moment in order to let the tram go by, and then she crosses the road.'^ "But, your driver ought to know- — .' "Yes, yes, I know all about that," exclaims the weary manager, "but there are not enough though-reading drivers in Mr. Orrs Union to supply the demand 1" # # There is rather a melancholy romance in connection with the late Trooper O'Hagan. The deceased soldier, who hailed from the South Canterbury district, died on board the troopship Britannic, when that vessel was off Albany, and he was buried at sea. Before leaving New Zealand, the late trooper was a knight of the pig-skm, and was best known amongst the sporting fraternity by the nick-name of "Smoke O'Hagan." A familiar figure on the turf, he was regarded as a keen sportsman, and rode many a good horse to victory. But it was the dare-devil spirit which was such a feature of O'Hagan's character, that got him into trouble, and settled his racing career in this colony. • • * About four years ago, at the Manawatu Club's Christmas meeting, 0 Hagan was brought before the stewards, and disqualified for life for alleged foul riding at that meeting. The late jock-ey-trooper was next heard of in Johannesburg. At the outbreak of hostilities in South Africa he enlisted in the Imperial Light Horse, and fought throughout the Transvaal campaign. Thinking, no doubt, that the fact of fighting for the cause of his country would influence the Manawatu Uub to .re-consider their decision O Hagan wrote asking for the removal of the disqualification. But the stewards were obstinate, and would not give way. • • • After a while, the mother of the young fellow wrote to the club on behalf of her son, and this time the disqualification was removed. But he was not allowed to enjoy his redeemed privilege One can almost picture m the mind's eye the feelings the deceased would experience as he once more looked forward to the opportunity of donning the colours, and it is sad to think that, when almost home, tate should have been so unkind to him. • • • The State of Victoria has been having a little passage of arms with its lady telephone operators. It seems that on several recent occasions young telephone ladies had purchasd the latest thing m millinery, with the intention of subjugating male humanity on the block. But an unromantic department required them to "switch," and did not care straw about millinery, so the ladies duly objected. The State has intimated that though it is averse to allowing mere business men to have their conversations withheld while Miss Wires is call-

ing up her loved one, or discussing up- a gap, before man (who- might have the to-date fripperies with her Williams- billet if his girl did not fill it) claim* town chum ; it reluctantly tells them it her. "Go thout and get married" is, in does not want them any more. Now, effect, what the State of Victoria says this scribe is on the side of fairness, and to the switch ladies. "We will give he believes that the dismissal of all tele- men the positions vacated by you, you phone girls would not be an unmixed can marry the man, ease the labour evil. Female work is frequently cxc- market, and give a help to vital statiscuted in a dilettante sort of way to fill tics."