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Nelson Evening Mail, Volume XIV, Issue 299, 30 December 1879, Page 2

A sarcastic paragraphist, writing in Saturday's Timvru Herald, say 3 :— " Dunedin is the capital of Otago. I charge nothing extra for this information. It is remarkable for rain aud the incivility of the inhabitants. When travelling through Canterbury you will see on gates by the wayside " Please thut this gate j" but when you go south of Oaniaru you will notice this change to the imperative command, "Shut this gate." This is characteristic of the people of Otago ia general, but of Dunedin in particular. The only exception I make is Timaru, where I met the most generous and hospitable people I have come across in the colony." Judge 3 at baby shows in Kentucky wear masks. It saves unpleasantness after the prizes have been awarded. Tremendous fortunes are being made in the Colorado silver mines, according to the San Francisco papers. A common grocer, who 18 months ago was bowing a customer who honored him with an order for a pound of soap, i 3 now worth 5,000,000d01. A cashier, who I( ss than a year ago was starving on a small salary, is now worth sixty thousand dollars. The exploit of the English baronet, Sir Itoger Throckraorton, has been bettered by an Austrian clothier. Sir Koger wagered that betweeu sunrise and sunset a coat could be made for him out of wool from the back of a sheep. Accordingly the sheep was sheared at dawn, the wool was dressed and dyed, ! woven into cloth, cut and made to fit before nightfall. An Austrian clothier has done all this ia eleven bours, so that ho really has outstripped the Berkshire baronet, wbo allowed himself from 4 a.m. to 9 p.m. A Scotchman oh returning to his native hamlet after a pleasure trip to England and France, rapturously said : "London's a' very weel, and Paris is no bad ; but for real plisaure gie me Peebles." A proclamation by His Excellency the Governor in Council appoints Monday stb April next, for the trial of the Maori prisoners now confined in the Mount Cook prison. Their trial is to take place at the Supreme Court, Wellington. The following ia a report laid before the House of Representatives by the Native Affairs Committee:—" Petition of Ngatuere and others—The petitioners state that they are the owners of Wellington. Inasmuch as it was insufficiently paid for in pipes, marbles, and other beguiling articles, instead of gold, silver, and precious stones, they pray that one million of acres be returned to them, and that they may receive compensation to the extent of one million pounds sterling. I am directed to report as follows:— That the Committee has no recommendation to make. November 7th, 1879." It is terrible (says an exchange) to conteni plate what mischief a little well-directed energy may accomplish. Miss JFidler, a ' r"" n 6 '»dj- trho otaxtcd baaiacoa ia I>anc<3ia some time ago as a teacher of the art of domestic cookery, has completed a professional tour of New Zealand, and is about to leave for Tasmania. While Miss Fidler has done a large amount of work in the boiling and stewing line, it is alleged that her lessons have utterly ruined the decorum and domestic peace of many a well-regulated establishment. Ladies whose tender fingers were rarely soiled by any thing worse than the keys of a piano have betaken themselves to the kitchen, and it is quite a common thing for their husbands to find them enamelled in dough. One gentleman informs us that some fancy fowls that he would not have taken any money for perished during his absence, his helpmate, on returning from a cooking lesson having decided to try her proficiency in boning fowls. Another declares that his household and all that inhabits it is being mined and surfeited with puddings, pancakes, and dishes bearing unpronounceable names. It is quite possible to have too much of a good thing. Captain J. F. Cox, master of the British ship Privateer, which arrived at Delaware Breakwater on the 9th September from London, says :— On the sth ultimo, 100 mile 3 west of Bret (France), weather fine and clear at 5 p.m., as I was walking the quarter-deck, looking to windward, I saw something black rise out of the water about twenty feet, in shape like an immense snake, about three feet in diameter. It was about 300 yards from the ship, coming towards us. It turned its head partly from us, and went down with a great splash, after staying up about five seconds, but rose again three times, at intervals of ten seconds, until it had turned completely from us and was going from us with great speed, and making the water boil all round it, I could see its eyes and shape perfectly, it was like a great eel or snake, but aa black as coal tar, and appeared to be making great exertions to get away from the ship. I have seen many kinds of fish in the five different oceans, but was never favored with a sight of the great sea snake before." The Bishop of Manchester delivered an address in the Albert Hall, Leeds, in connection with the opening of the lecture session of the Mechanics' Institution. Hi« lordship, in alluding to social matters, stated that the future of England necessarily depended upou her young men He hoped they would be able and ready to take up the burden of responsibility when it came, aud that they would prepare for the day when the future of the country would rest upon them. In the course of his address the Bishop said : One of the most regretable phenomena of the day ia the bitterness, almost the fierceness, that is infusing itself into political antagonism. I know that this will give offence to some, but I cannot help it. I never see a new Liberal or Conserva tive club rising in its architectural splendour — for whatever pressure there may be in other directions, there always seems to be money forthcoming for these palatial structures — than the thought springs up in my mind, " There ia another bulwark of partisanship, another hindrance to the formation of a sound, generous, enlightened opinion on national questions." A certain lady had a custom of saying to a favorite little dog, to make him follow her " Come along, air !" A would-be witty gentleman stepped up to her one day and accosted her with "Is it me, madam, you called ?" " Oh, no sir," said the lady, with great composure ; " it was the other puppy I spoke to. !>

"Is there a letter here in a 1 scented' envelops for my wife ?" he asked the pote master, while the green fire from his eyes made the office look like a leafy forest. " Yeg, sir," answered the postmaster, as he handed it oat. The jealous man tore it open at Once.' tfhen Jo dad behold ! it wag the milliner's bill for £10. No succeeding chapters. " My dear," said a husband, in a startled tone, after waking bis wife in the middle of the night " I have swallowed a dose of strychnine !" " Well, then, do for goodness sake lie still, or it may come up !" A gorgeous English swell, leading a dog, enquired at a railway 3tation, " Must— T, aw —take a ticket for a pu\ py ?" The bewildered clerk regarded him for a moment, and then replied, " No, sir ; you can go as an ordinary person."