THE WEEK.

Nelson Evening Mail, Volume XIII, Issue 186, 3 August 1878, Page 2

THE WEEK.

Was it in sober earnest or in a spirit of satire that the eccentric Mr Woolcock gave notice in the House the other day that he would ask the Colonial Treasurer whether there remained iu the Treasury any, and if so, how much, of the honorarium payable to members of the Legislature for services rendered to the country at the last session of Parliament? Did Mr Woolcock leave any of his own unclaimed, or did he really imagine that anybody else had omitted to carry off his share of the sum annually voted under the head "Legislative?" If there be such an one in the colony, an enterprising showman could make a fortune by hiring him for a season, merely to allow himself to be exhibited to a wondering and incredulous public. As a financial speculation the " Hairless Horse," or the " Spotted Boy," would not be a patch upon a show of this kind. For my own part, although, unfortunately I have no claim to be rauked among3t the " wealthy class," I would willingly pay a shilling for the privilege of shaking hands with an M.H.R. or an M.L.C. who, upon principle, left Wellington without drawing the full amount of honorarium, or salary— call it what you will— to which he could lay claim. I don't wonder at all that Mr Woolcock 's "notice" was, as reported by the Wellington papers, received with shouts of derision, and that the answer he so much desired was at once supplied to him in the little word " nil " bellowed forth from a score of throats.

" What's the ' Open Sesame' that unlocks the doors of the Upper House and admits of the entrance of a new ' Honorable ' into the serene atmosphere of that sacred Chamber?" This is a question that has on more than one occasion been asked either of me or in my hearing, but I have never yet been able to give to it a satisfactory answer. lam beginning to understand these matters a little better now though, aud recent experiences have enabled me to form a shrewd guess as to the most probable solution of the enigma. Were the question put to me now, I should reply, "Money, my boy, money." The possession of money acts as a free pass in many other instances, and allows men to enter places where, if they were penniless or were possessed of but moderate means, their presence would not be tolerated for a tnouienfc, aud why should its influence not be extended to throwing open the portals of the Legislative Council Chamber as weli as any other doors. It is only in this way that the calling of the Honorable John Martin to the Upper House can be accounted for. Let me not be misunderstood. I don't for one moment mean to assert or to hint that he has used his money to purchase admission, or that if he had been foolish enough to offer it, that it would have been accepted, but what I do say, and what many other people are saying all over the colony, is that the possession of wealth is the only claim that he can possibly advance to the honor lately conferred uoon him. He has never taken any part in public affairs, except perhaps acting as chairman of a Road Board, never assisted in any prominent manner in promoting the interests of the commonwealth, never, in short, done anything of any kind whatever, to entitle him to be regarded as a desirable legislator. Once, if I remember rightly, he did come before the public, having been called to appear at the bar of the House in connection with some breach of privilege question, but this can scarcely be urged as a reason for making him an M.L.C. The only conclusion then that one can arrive at is that, when you have made your pile you have, in the opinion of the present Ministry, done all that is necessary to secure you a seat in the Upper House of the Parliament of New Zealand.

We do things smartly in the colonies nowadays. Some of us can remember the time when if an answer to a letter home were received within ten or twelve months there was not much to complain about. But we have changed all that now. What induces me to refer to this matter to-day is something that has come under our notice this week. On Monday a telegram was received in New Zealand from Sydney stating that" at a crowded meeting held here an address of congratulation to Earl Beaconsfield was resolved upon." On Thursday there came to us another message from the same place stating that the Earl's reply to the address, which was only agreed to on Monday, had been received by the Mayor of Sydney. Now I don't think it can be said that there was any time wasted over that business.

I heard a good story the other day, and when one of these comes to my ears there is nothing I like better than that a few thousand of my readers should share with me in the enjoyment of it. A newly married couple were residing " down South." (The expression is a vague one, but quite definite enough for my purpose.) The husband suffered greatly from ill-health, and was ordered to try a more genial climate. They were not rich, and the bank book forbade both travelling together, so that a painful parting was rendered necessary, the wife, however, insisting upon a report of her loved one's health being despatched to hot daily. He arrived at his destination in due course, placed himself under a doctor, and, as asked or ordered— -I leave it to married

faea to say which ia the more correct word to use— he telegraphed every morning. But the messages were not fall enough, and did not enter sufficiently into detail, and each day there came , hack a message begging for lUHlter news; until at la9fc these constant and gfOwing telegrams tiiade serious inroads tlpSfl his purse. Happening to mention this fact in the presence of a friend euyngoii 0 business, who had occasion to use the wire3 very frequently, he was asked why he did not frame a code which would enable him to send a full and cotnprelieuaive report of himself in aveiyfew Words. Me wag delighted with the idea, which had heter occurred to him lief ore,. and asked his friijnd io Suggest one.- --" Well;" was ttie reply; «I hate always found Jfc b6St id iiie tbfe Shbftfesfc dhd tioniratihesfc words possible, and mimes oil well-known' animals are .perhaps ihe most cotivebienfc. Sow;, what do you say, to these ?— ' Cdt ' w.oiild mean ' t had A bttstef ,bn, Feist fright \[ 'tla't, ; 'rest, much disturbed,' 'Dog,' ' the doctor thinks innch better of me this morning;' 'Eel, 1 I ho^e to take a drive this' afternoon.' Words to connect the above siud make a continuous aud intelligible .sentence may be interspersed a3 necessary." There Were many more words in the suggested code, but these are enough to mention. The invalid was delighted, and next morning wrote to his wife telling her of the blessed chance that had thrown such a friend in his way, and explaining very minutely the new code. He counted the days until the steamer was to arrive at the port where his wife resided, and on that morning wired to her the following strange looking message: — " Cat and consequently Rat but Dog and so Eel." Thare was every little particular compressed into nine words, mid for a shilling he could send what was really more like a letter than a telegram. He waited impatiently for a reply, but strange to say none arrived. The doctor came at two o'clock, and, he could not help noticing, eyed him somewhat suspiciously; and asked him if he had duly regarded his injunctions, and had refrained from taking any spirits. An hour later he went fora drive. As he got into the cab he saw a policeman watching him very intently; when he returned, the same man was in the same place, aud casting the same curious glances at him Still no reply from his wife. The next day he sent her another message still expressed in the same words adopted in his code. Again uo reply; again the doctor queer, and the constable übiquitous. What it all meant he could not possibly understand until on the next morning ihe long looked for message came from his wife. " Steamer broke down, and only arrived to-day. Coile received. Such a relief. Oh forgive me Willy dear." In course of time all came out. The heart broken wife on receipt of the extraordinary telegram had come to the conclusion that in addition to his bodily ailments her unhappy husband was afflicted mentally, ami had telegraphed her suspicions to the doctor and the local inspector of police, asking the former to examine him and the latter to place him under surveillance lest he should do away with himself. •' Willy " vows and declares that the next time he uses a code he will take good care to assure himself that the recipient of his messages is in possession of the key.