THE WEEK.

Nelson Evening Mail, Volume XII, Issue 129, 2 June 1877, Page 2

THE WEEK.

Official letters emanating f rota & Government department are almost invariably dull, uninteresting, and monotonous documents framed in the old stereotyped form — "I have the honor to inform you," " I have the honor to he," etc, etc, but the replies received to them are occasionally of an entirely different character, displaying originality both of thought and expression. It is one of this kind, which was shown' to nae some little time ago, that has called forth these introductory remarks to the extracts that are to follow. In an office in one of the Provincial districts in New Zealand some correspondence has been taking place between the head of the department and a settler in the backwoods with reference to a plot of land which the occupier had leased for some time, and ultimately became desirous of making his freehold. To this certain objections had been raised— it matters not just now whence or by whom—and it was suggested to the applicant that in the face of the difficulties placed in the way he should forego his evident right to purchase, but should renew his lease for a period of years, at the termination of which the property would, as per regulations, become his own. . This called forth an indignant protest from the gentleman interested, which occupied a foolscap sheet of paper, eyery line showing that, although there might be a redundancy of worda, the writer was thoroughly in earnest in pressing his claim. It is quite as unnecessary as it would be tedious to quote the whole of it, but some extracts will well bear repetition. For instance, he argues that being a settler of long standing, and, consequently, well known to the authorities, he is entitled to more consideration at their hands than if he were a stranger. This argument he adduces in language more forcible than an ordinary official correspondent would have thought of using, as will be seen by the following quotation :—«• If," he says, •• I was some shabby genteel idler about the town instead of being a smoke-dried back-gully man, there would be Bonia excuse for you to delay the sale in order to make yourselves sure that all was right." This in itself should carry conviction with it, but later on, in the warmth of his feeling, he abandons prose as being insufficiently expressive of his grievance, and proceeds to unburden his mind in more congenial Terse. "Fourteen years at my «ge," he pleads, "is so long to look forward to." •• It aat withered by .ga, I'd be tired by time, And tar bones would be rotting in some other clime. The future for yon, the present for me, For into tho future I cannot foresee." Now doesn't the man who has broken through the dry old official style of application in this way deserve to get anything he asks for ? 1 11 make one to sign a memorial praying that his wish may be granted. A paragraph which has recently been going the rounds of the papers in New Zealand contains a prescription fora certain concoction that, it is said, offers irresistible attractions to rabbits, who eafc it greedily and very speedily die from its effect. The principal ingredients are wheat, flour, and phosphorus paste. None who are not pestered with those irrepressible vermin can form an idea of She ravages they commit, so I cannot expect the majority of my readers to enter into the delight with which a country friend of mine, who ii nearly driven to his wits' end by bunny's depredations, perused the recipe. Of course he determined to give it an immediate trial, and having prepared the mixture, he laid a lot of it in a gateway through which the rabbits are in the habit of passing when making their raids upon his garden, while he concealed himself close by and anxiously watched the result of the experiment. He had not waited many minutes when one of the wretches, as he calls them, made his appearance. Seeing a strange substance in his accustomed path, he approached it stealthily, looked at it, smelt it, put his paw on it, smelt it again, and then solemnly winked his left eye. Hurrying off to some of his neighbors, he speedily returned with seventeen others, who all looked as mischievous as himself. The future proceedings were of deep interest to my friend, whose heart palpitated with delight in anticipation of getting rid of eighteen of his deadly enemies at one fell swoop. But he was doomed to disappointment. The rabbits held a .'sort of coroner's inquest on the poisonous paste. They "viewed the body," they pulied it about with their paws just as some inquisitive jurymen do in their desire to discover the cause of death when they know that the subject of the inquiry has been found drowned, they peered at it, they smelt it, they appeared to consult together, and then they simultaneously bolted off to their warren with a noise that sounded to my indignant friend's ears very like a chuckling laugh. He was just emerging from his place of concealment iv disgust when he saw another sage looking bunny approaching from the spot to which the others had fled. He was a fine fat rabbit, whose condition spoke volumes in favor of the nutritive properties o£ the numerous turnips of which he had deprived my friend. Evidently he was not there accidentally, but had been induced to visit the apot by information received, «s the policemen say when they are not allowed to state in Court the precise grounds on which they hud taken action. Advancing as cautiously as though he were a Russian general crossing the Turkish frontier he crept up to the ball of paste and minutely inspected it from all sides, then sat in solemn meditation for the space of a minute, at the end of which he raised his paw to his nose and stretched out hi 3 little toes to their fnll extent, after which silent expression of opinion on the merits of the rabbjtrpojsoning mixtur* he calmly trotted off to the garden and commenced to regale himself with a fine cauliflower that had hitherto escaped his notice. My friend doesn't think much nowof the phosphorus paste as a remedy for the evils he suffers from the rabbit tribe, and, although I admit having slightly embellished this little tale, I may add that it has been told with a yiew to warning others not to put their trust in the much vaunted recipe. It is generally allowed that our Fire Brigade is comprised of a very smart body of men, and there is never a newspaper accouut of a fire that does not allude in sojie way to the remarkable alacrity with which the firemen appear on the scene. But for smartness they have met their match. There was a runaway horse and trap the other day. They started from Trafalgar-street, and by the I time the final catastrophe occurred in Hardystreet, only some four or five hundred yards distant, there was a great crowd on the spot, among them being two, if not three, newspaper reporters, two doctors, and 9, carriage builder. Now lam particularly desirous mat my motive for mentioning this fact should nofc be misunderstood by any. I hope no one will infer that what I intend to convey is that news is so scarce that the reporters chased the bolter in search of a miserable little local; that the doctors were anticipating 4 a beautiful case; or that business is so dull that the carriage builder was in expectation of a job. My sole wish in referring to the circumstance is to show how very smart we can be in Nelson when the occasion requires. The Davenport Brothers have found their master at Auckland, and the audience bissod and hooted them because they could not loosen their bonds. I think the audience were in the wrong for two reasons; in the first place the mere failure to get free wa3 not deserving of such treatment -under any circumstances i in the second, the audience shonld hare remembered that one of the tiers

(MrHesketh) was a member of the legal profession. I have known before this more than one instance of a man being bound hand and foot by the lawyers so that he could not possibly move, and no one thought of hissing him, but rathe* regarded him as an object of sympathy. , _« ,