"SNYDER" IS SOLD AGAIN— AND SOMEBODY'S GOT THE MONEY.

Nelson Evening Mail, Volume IX, Issue 286, 3 December 1874, Page 2

"SNYDER" IS SOLD AGAIN— AND SOMEBODY'S GOT THE MONEY.

(From the Auckland Weekly Herald.) A friend of mine, possessed of fche best intentions but frail of resolution, once said to me, "Mr Snyder, if you see me haoging about the doors of a public-house, or io the act of entering one, I shall esteem it a particular favor if you will then and there take me into custody, convey me (o the lock-up, and charge me with being about to commit suicide." I promised that man I would. In return for this, may I request that Bhould any friend or well-wisher of mine see me enter, or about to enter in or upon any house or room or public or private hall where and when at such time an auction sale is going on, he will take such steps and adopt such measures as he may deem proper to have me apprehended as a dangerous lunatic not to be trusted at large, or out of the sight of my relatives. Tbe following painful confession is made with the intention of doiog penance, and in the full hope and firm trust that it will serve as a caution to men who cannot be trusted by themselves in an auction room : — The last—the very last words poured into my ears by the female at the head of my household as I opened the front door to take my departure were, —

" Now, mind, Snyder, when you go this morning to Smith's sale of furniture and household effects, that you lake oare to buy that washing boiler and the towel roller and the three flatirons which are to go in one lot. You'll get the whole for the matter of a few shillings. And mind, Snyder, we don't want anything else. Print that in your memory in italics. We could do without the towel roller, but the washing boiler is a necessity, and the flat irons are indispensable at a low figure. And my gay and sprightly reply was , " ever of thee fondly I'm dreaming, and strike the light guitar. Your wish, my dear, shall be ihe thought of my heart, and the guiding star of my lonely WBnderiogs. The washing boiler shall be yours, and the I llat-irons yours, and the towel roller ' yours, and let pure unsophisticated love supply the void." Then I left my dwelling, and entered the house only a few doors up the street, round the corner over the way and up a flight of steps. The sale was in full swiog, and tho buyers were warming up und -*r the persuasive eloquence of the auctioneer. " Now then, what shall we say for lot nine, comprising a four- post, polished cedar, 7x4 bedstead, with hair mattresses in a linen tick, and curtains complete, which was originally | made regardless of cost to the order of a gentleman of independent means, who found himself unable to procure sleep in anything inferior? Now, then, what shall we Bay gentlemen? Give it a start if you please." A hoary-headed villain, ornamented with a large cotton umbrella, said " three ten," upon which a dealer in second-hand upholstery said " four," wbich was followed by the shrill cry of a woman in the middle, wbo exclaimed "four five." "Gentlemen," said the auctioneer, " there's no occasion to trifle wiih my feelings. Tbe hair in the mattress is in itself worth all you offer ior the whole. The hangings were worked by fair women's fingers, and ore admirably adapted for a bridal couch. Do give an advance, if you please. If there's no advance upon four-five it goes. At four five are you all done? If you aro all done at four five, it will go. Once, twice, third, and last" And the hoary-headed villain saiJ, " four ten " "If four fifteen will do, the old'uu shan't have it," said lhe second-hand upholsterer. " Five pounds," from lhe shrill voice in a highly-excited tone. " Guineas" said the hoary-headed. " Which he can have it at that price for my part," this time from tbe secondhanded upholsterer. Then there arose enmily between the old woman aud the old mm, and they ran one another up five shillings at a time, until the auctioneer said. " six ten — have you all done at six ten? and there's no advance upon six ten, at six ten it wili go. Once, twice, third, and last time." My blood had been getting up ali this time. I trembled with excitement My feelings had passed lhe borders of self-control. " Seven pounds ! " I said. On the instant I* had made two bitter enemies for life in the hoary-headed and the old woman. In lees lime than it takes to tell they had run me up and each other up to eleven ten. " Twelve pounds," I gasped out. "If there is no advance upon twelve

(For continuation see fourth page.)

pounds, at twelve pounds it will go; and at twelve pounds — Have you all done ? Theo, at the ridiculously small ram of twelve pounds it is — fcr tbe first, second, third, and last time— ■ Gonr' "Take that gentleman's name and get a deposit," said the auctioneer, evidently not satisfied with the excited state I was suffering nnder. When too late I became conscious that I could bave bonght the bedstead, mattress, and curtains bran new out of a firat-class establishment for about four pounds less than what I had bid. Why, then, was I allowed to enter tbat aaotion room; and why did I, being at the time as sound of body and sane of mind arwhen I made my last will and testament, plunge myself into a sea wbicb threatened to swallow me op in financial ruin ? Why does tbe weak man indulge in tbe one glass of sherry, when be knows full well tbat it will lead him to a second, and a third, aod finally to the polishing off tbe coo ten is of the whole decanter, and making himself wish it held another glass or two ? Talk about Ihe evils resulting from strong drink, they're nothing compared to what happens to some men when tbey enter an auction-room. The flowing bowl may tempt, but it never can tempt like an auctioneer, well np ia human nature, aod naturally given to lying, whicb bas been improved upon by long and severe study. I bad tasted blood, and the career I pursued through that morning's sale was so wild, so reckless, and, as I may say, ferocious, that I became an object of deep interest to all beholders. I determine*! that tbe boary- beaded old man should have nothing tbat be wanted and tbat neither should the shrill-voiced old woman. I run 'em up for everything they bid for. Tbere was nothing I would let 'em bave, aod tbe consequence was that, independent of beiug the owner of a French-polished cedar bedstead, with mattress and hangings complete, I was tbe purchaser of a lot oi Berlin wool and crochet work, wbich I detest—- of a family Bible; of which I bad two of my own, of a child's cot, which bas not been required in my household for the last quarter of a century ; of a range, wbich would require two hundredweight of coal to cook a rasher of bacon; of an iron tank, which leaks enough to constitute it a gigantic colander; and three gross of metal meat-skewers, tbe owner having come into possession of these last in virtue of a bill of sale he once held over the stock-in-trade of a tinsmith. Tbere were sundry otber purchases I made, such as a bull puppy, wbicb I had vainly imagined had a strain of tbe Newfoundland breed in him; also, a dresser, wbich tbe landlord subsequently woold not let me take down, being "fixtures;" also, a wheelbarrow, two hundred of drain tiles, and a lot of garden implements, wbich latter were altogether unnecessary, as tbe nrea of garden land attached to my tenement is of tbat limited extent th.t a table knife and fork would be sufficient for all requirements. When at last the auctioneer came to lot 94, whicb comprised tbe washingboiler, towel-roller, and three flat-irons, he announced tbat these bad been soid privately previous to the sale. Then I was awakened to my folly. Why shonld I bave made a savage attack on my Saving Bank book to he revenged upon an old man and woman anxious to become possessors of a few household effects? Afterwards I was enlightened. The old man had been sent by the owner of the goods nnder auction for tbe purpose of buying in for him anything there was not a good enough bid for. He did not require sixpeon'orth of anything for himself. He was, in fact, a dummy, for tbe special purpose of aggravating people fto boy the articles above their value. And that auctioneer knew il. I bave now taken tbe pledge. I have vowed a vow that from this time forth and for evermore I will not touch, taate, or handle anything in connection with an auction sale.