THE WEEK.

Nelson Evening Mail, Volume VIII, Issue 215, 6 September 1873, Page 2

THE WEEK.

"The session is to close in three weeks." We ought to begin to believe this statement seeing that it has been dinned into our ears for the last fortnight. I have, however, for some years taken notice of the duration of the sessions and found them always to be about the same length, sometimes a trifle over and Bometimes a trifle und^r thirteen weeks, and I venture to say that for another month at least, newspaper proprietors will have to

pay for, and newspaper read are have to peruet, these telegrams v/iich appear unde. '.lie head "Parliamentary." Once in a week, perhaps, these telegrams contain one paragraph out of a great many that is either interesting or amusing; but the rest are very very dry. For instance, I don't think that any one individual in Nelson went to bed last night a happier or a better man for reading that the " Protection of Animals' Act was read a third time," or > that " the Distillation Act Ameudment Bill was read a second time." Still, this is a sort of thing we all have to put up with, and our eyes and ears are to be tickled with similar items ot interesting information for at least three or four weeks more. We have had no ten days' debates this session. Every now and then we hear that there is to be a great fight over some particular question, and that the Government will probably be defeated, but just as matters are coming to a crisis, and we are on the tiptoe of expectation of a sparkling debate or a close division, Mr Yogel comes down to the House— like a modern Van Amburgb, with a red-hot poker in his band for the purpose of subduing the refractory lions — and says, " Look here, my boys, if you are going to be nasty, I'll pack every one of you off about his business, I'll tell your constituents that I was just about to carry some measure that was going to set them all on their legs, and give them lots of borrowed money to spend, when you came in with your confounded doubts and argntnents, and prevented me from carrying my proposition into effect. Now, I'll back myself to carry the day against you, so oppose me if you dare." So the lions that just before were roaring for their prey begin to look at one another a little timidly, and to ask each other "Do you think that poker is really red-hot, fir is it only painted that color just for the purpose of bouncing us?" At last, one member, who likes to be a member, and has a high respect for that portion of our institutions which provides for the honorarium, solemnly avers that he had been curious enough to put hia nose very near the poker, and had found it really was very hot, and then all the rest of the leonine fraternity determine to reconsider their position, and agree to allow Mr Yogel to read his bills a second time, amid a dissonant chorus of sullen roars, the meaning of which is that they will try to make some amendments in Committee, and, having smeared themselves all over from head to foot with this salve to their consciences, they are content to lie down peacefully and dream that they are patriots of the first water. Van Amburgb. was a most successful lion tamer, but he was a fool to Mr Yogel. The Supreme Court, for a day or two, when an interesting case is bsing heard, is a pleasant place in which to pass au hour or two, but eight days of dulness are apt to prove wearisome, particularly if you happen to be a juror who is compelled to be in constant attendance, not knowing exactly when his services may be required. Should not disputants be compelled to hand over some decent remuneration to those whom they have perhaps brought a great many miles, and kept hanging about town for several days, on the chance of being cslled to decide whether A is or is not to pay B a few pounds. Suppose I enter into some sheep agreement, we will say, with somebody else, and it is not carried out to my satisfaction, why should I have the power to bring Jack Robinson into town, first of all, to spend six or seven days in doing nothing, and then. to devote a couple more days to settling my dispute for the paltry consideration of one pound. If the case were taken to arbitration I should of courße expect to pay those to whom the matter was referred for their services, whereas if I prefer to go into the Supreme Court I can compel twenty-four men to leave their business for several days, in consideration of which twelve of them, if they happen to agree upon a verdict, will receive the handsome sum of twenty shillings each. The above has reference to those who may be looked upon as mere adjuncts to a case, but really I am not sure that the principals are much better off. Supposing for instance, that I owe you five hundred and odd pounds, and that I sign a document acknowledging my indebtedness. A stamp, of course, is necessary — for whether we eat or whether we drink, or whether we only indulge in the innocent amusement of putting our names to paper, the Government is bound to make something out of vs — and if in affixing my signature I omit to do that which the Act prescribes, namely, commence to write my name on the left side of the stamp, and carry it continuously across to the right hand side, you may lose your money. The payment of £500, let us say, depends upon whether the extreme left of the letter F, which represents my signature, is an eighth of an inch to the right or the left of the

boundary line indicated by the perforated edge of a stamp. The main object of my life is to make money, so I think that I shall give up writing weekly letters to a newspaper and go in for the law. lam sure it would pay better. Until a few days ago, I never knew a jury give satisfaction to both plaintiff and defendant. There was a sum of £140 in dispute — I should like to, see the bill of costs on both sides— and after two days of evidence, argument, and summing up, the jury gave a verdict, the real meaning of which nobody knows. I always like to be all things to all meu, so when I met the plaintiff a few minutes after the decision, with a beaming smile on his countenance, I took my cue from his demeanor, and tendered him my hearty congratula- , tions on having gained his case. A little after I dropped across the defendant. He too was bubbling over with self-satisfac-tion, such as can be felt only by those who have achieved a victory. After timidly feeling my way for a minute or tw0,. 1 found-that I was treading on safe ground, so I held out my band, and in the most gushing manner assured him that nothing ever gave me greater "pleasure than that which I experienced upon learning that he had Leen successful. He too accepted my congratulations, and seemed to think that they were well founded. I fear, however, that there is a sequel to come, and that one of these days if I; continue to express my delight in this promiscuous manner, I shall get severely snubbed by one side or the. other. I wonder 1 whether it is the plaintiff or the defendant. that will be rude to me. ''%,[ A short time since I saw a statement, published, I presume, for the information of the public, to the effect that certain deaths had occurred in the Nelson Hospital during the month of July. Five individuals, I regret to say, had shuffled off this mortaf coil in that period, and this is how they had done it:*— One had died of Nephria, one of Endo-cardites, two of Phthisis, and one of Cystitis. Can anyone who is not iv a 'position to affix M.R.C.S,or some such mysTic letters to his name tell me what was the matter with them ? I think if I were poorly and my doctor were to tell me that Endo-cardites was what was the matter with me I should die right off the reel put of sheer fright, not on account of the serious nature' of my disease, for I,- have not the least idea what is meant by the quintosyllabic compound—but simply because it had so aweinspiring a name. If it be really desirable to inform the public what diseases have proved fatal to hospital patients, does any sufficient reason exist why the vernacular should not be made use of in^ "conveying such cheerful information ? F.