THE WEEK.

Nelson Evening Mail, Volume VIII, Issue 185, 2 August 1873, Page 2

THE WEEK.

Glad tidings for Nelson this week. Not to have the railway, ami at the same to be asked to submit to very heavy additional taxation in order to meet the cost of public works in tho larger and more numerously represented provinces. Very, very cheerful, this. It is not pleasant to find your hopes, after beinir raised to the highest pitch, suddenly dashed to the ground. It ia even a less agreeable Benssliou to feel that you have been fooled, that you have been following a sort of Will-e'-the Wisp that hns led you about just as it pleased, induced yon to follow it whithersoever it chose to flutter about, and ulti mately landed you in a quagmire out of which you see little hope of escaping, ond yet this is what the people of Nelson have- bad to endure, and if they are not in the most amiable of tempers just now, who shall wonder at it ? It is not surprising that the financial statement should have been well received in Otago and Canterbury where the people are to get all they wan i; it is not to be marvelled at if in Nelson ifc has given rise to bitter execrations. Taxes and yet more taxes, and nothing to be received in return for them, except the pleasure of seeing Canterbury aud Otago railways made. I don't like the subject afc all. It is not a, nice one on which to write, and so I shall quit ifc aud fly off to something more agreeable. I said the other day that in common with the Fijians t found that the greatest trouble of my life arose from the abaeDce of, and the demand for coin. I have a bright idea which, at the risk of being forestalled in carrying: it into execution, I mean to make public. I think I have discovered a way of making heaps of money, and at the same time of paying a mark of respect and homage to the greatest public benefactor Nelson has ever known. I mean to get up a monster dinner to Mr Yogel, tickets £2 2a each. I don't think the Provincial Hall would bo nearly large enough to hold all tho people that will attend, so that I have calculated upon having to erect a spacious marquee, and I am not at all deferred by any coasideration of expense, as I know I shall be amply remunerated by the sale of ticketß, because it is only a fow weeks ago that the whole of Nelsou was prepared to bow down and worship the guest I propose to honor, aud they can scarcely have changed their minds since. lam afrai<3 it will be some little time before I can carry out my plan, for the House is now in seaaion, and of course Mr Yogel can't leave; after the House rises he will require a little rest; and after he has rested he will probably find that the business of the colony calls him to Australia, America, England, the Fij is, or Bornowhere or other, or perhaps he may receive instructions from her Majesty to go and take possession of New Guinea in her name. All these things considered, I have decided upon the First of April as the most suitable day for my dinuer. I htive mentally arranged everything nicely. The long tables that will be required for the hero worshippers who will sit down on the occasion are, on a small scale of course, to be made to represent the country lying For remainder of news see fourth page. Holloioaifs Pills and Ointment. — During piercing winds and excessive variations of temperature everyone is more or less liable to internal and external disease. Throat, rhesfc, liver, bowe s, kidneys, snd skin all suffer in some degree, but may be relieved by rubbing in this ointment, aided by proper doseß of the Pills, for adorinictring which full directions accompany each box ; in truth, anyone who thoronghly masters Hollowfvy's '* instructions " will, in remedying disease, exchange the labor of an hour for the profit of a lifetime. All bronchial, pulmor>ary, nnd throat disorders require that the Ointment should be thoroughly well rubbed upon the skin twice a day with considerable briskness and great persistence and regularity.

between Foxhill and the Brunner mine. Up the centre will run a line of rails, one of the termini being the kitchen, the other Mr Yogel. Along this Lilliputian railway will be conveyed a little train of tiny trucks, laden with the various dishes which, in passing, will he deposited at their respective stations, the whole being drawn by a miniature locomotive, bearing upon its sides in bright brazen letters the name I mean to bestow upon it, which, I have determined — for everything on this festive season shall be in keeping — is to be the Artful Dodgbe. Side tables will be laden with specimens of coal, auriferous quartz, and gold dust, the bona fide produce of the Lyell and Buller districts, and scattered about the marquee at intervals will be specimens of timber from the forests, and samples of corn, potatoes, and other vegetables, grown in the numerous valleys. The walls will be ornamented with sketches of the country, and illustrations of t/he various batteries at work in the Lyell district. There will also be photographs of Mr Yogel in various moods and attitudes, for instance, one will depict his countenance aa he benignly receives a Nelson deputation, and benevolently leads them to suppose that be coincides with their views, while another will represent him in convulsions of laughter after the door has closed behind them. The photographer whom I have engaged for the occasion tells me, however, that, the artistic effect of this latter picture will be somewhat marred by the magnified appearance that must necessarily be imparted to the hand of the subject, as, extended as it will be from the nose, the proximity of the littlo finger to the camera will prevent its being properly focussed. Pendent, in graceful festoous, over the head of our honored guest will be several pairs of moleskin trowsers and watertight boots, bearing brilliantly illuminated tickets showing the prices for which they were to be obtained before the new tariff, and Jhe amount asked for them now. Near the head of the table a spacious gallery will be erected, on the front of which I mean to have an elegant design consisting of a flock of gulls, not necessarily of the sea, sitting despondeutly on a heap of broken iron rails, the motto embossed in hobnails being "Confound his politics." ihe sensational will not be wanting, for I mean to introduce the element of prophecy into the proceedings by cunningly affixing to the Premier's chair a string, which shall be so connected with the festoon of moleskins and watertights, that on his rising to return thanks for his health, which has just been rapturously drunk, and at the very moment when he is in the zenith of his glory and popularity, the whole contrivance shall come tumbling down about his ears. I think, on the whole, that the programme is a good one, and that the speculation will prove remunerative. Any number of two guineas, accompanied by applications for tickets, will be attended to if addressd to " F," Evening Mail office. Coroners' inquests are very amusing T_eef»r- specially to that part of the regulations which compels the juries to view the body, or, under different circumstances, the scene of a fire. I ouce had the good fortune to be a juror. It was in an out-of-the-way place, seventy or eighty miles from Nelson. The deceased, who had been drinking, had set fire to some high fern on the hills, and became enveloped in the flames, and severely burnt. In his agony he rushed down to a river that flowed at the foot of the hill, plunged into it and was drowned. His body was recovered, and buried, and the coroner sent for from Nelson, but bad weather and swollen rivers delayed his arrival for three weeks. The half-roasted, half-drowned, body of the dead man was disinterred, and I as a juror had to "view "it. I did so under compulsion, was made very sick by the sight, and did not derive any information from what I Baw, beyond ascertaining that a man is a very offensive thing to look afc after he has been burnt, drowned, and buried for three weeks. Why couldn't we have found a verdict then without going through that useless #ut very disagreeable form ? I should like to know, too, whnfc was to prevent the coroner's jury on Mouday last giving a verdict relative to the fire at Stoke without performing the farce of driving up in a coach and four to see two chimneys and a lot of ashes. Fancy a coroner, and twelve other sensible men, gazing vacantly at a chimney standing by itself, and poking about with their walking sticks among the cinders, in the hope that their deliberations upon the cause of the fire might in some mysterious way be assisted. What funny laws we have, to be sure. If you want to find out how an accident happened, you must perforce make a fool of yourself. F.

A four-year old little boy recently complained that his teeth had " trod on his tongue." Here is the newest floral sentiment : — If you wish for hearts-ease, don't look to man-gold. When nre cricketers most likely to stick to their stumps? — When (heir, wickets are pitched. " Gravity," said one of our learned judges, " is no more a proof of wisdom thaa a paper collar is of a man having a shirt on." It ia worthy of notice that while London, with its three-and-a-half millions of souls spend but £68,000 a-year upon its Fire Brigade, Boston, with its 200,000 inhabitants spends £120,000 a-year, or nearly twice aa much as London; while Paris annually votes no less n sum than £180,000. The Massachusetts Legislature is engaged in perfecting bills for the annexatiou to Boston of West Boxbury, Brookliue, Brighton, and Charleston, which will add about 45,000 to the population of Boston. The popular way of making a large city in America is to " annex " all the outlying suburbs. The plan was put in operation in Philadelphia 20 years ago, and by this method the city now covers 120 squnre miles. Boston for several years past has been " annexing " suburbs and thus increasing population. Extraordinary Longevity. — The obituary of The Times of a recent issue contained some remarkable illustrations of prolonged exislence in seven persons, whose united apes amounted lo 608 years, giving an average of 86 years and more than 10 months to each. The oldest was a gentleman who had reached the great age of 91, the youngest of the other six being 80 years of age; there was only one lady who bad, however, reached the great age of 89 years. The ages were respectively a 8 follows:— 80, 84, two at 87, 89, 90, and 91 years. In addition to the above there were four gentlemen and two ladies at ages varying from 70 to 79 years, or an average of rather more lhan 74 years to each. One of the octogenarians was a medical gentleman who had practised as a surgeon at Amersham, Bucka, upwards of 60 years. trfr i'j mm ■mll Ti ■ \mu \\\ 1 1 nn 1 1 in iw > i iimtttt - rrT mt i iim r ■ i i "*i T i ~ : ' i i n"i \invi iiTiTi)