LIFE AMONG THE MORMONS.

Nelson Evening Mail, Volume VIII, Issue 4, 4 January 1873, Page 4

LIFE AMONG THE MORMONS.

Mark Twain supplies the following : — "It is a luscious country for thrilling evening stories about assassinations of intractable Gentiles. I cannot easily conceive of anything more cosy than the night in the Salt Lake which we spent in a Gentile den, smoking pipes and listening to tales of how Burton galloped in among the pleading and defenceless ' Morisites,' and shot them down, men and women, like so many dogs. And how Rill Hickman, a Destroying Angel, shot Drown and Arnold dead for bringing suit against him for a debt. . . . And the next most interesting thing is to sit and listen to those Gentiles' talk about polygamy ; and how Bome portly old frog of an elder, or a bishop marries a girl — likes her, marries her sister— likes her, marries another sister — likes her,takes another — likes her, marries her mother — likes her, marries her father, grandfather, great grand* father, and then comes back hungry and asks for more. And how the pert young thing of eleven will chance to be the favorite wife, and her .. own venerable grandmother have to rank away down toward D 4 in their mutual husband's esteem; and have to sleep in the kitchen, as like as not. . . Y According to these Gentile friends of ours, Brigham Young's harem contains twenty or thirty wives. They said that some of them had grown old and gone out, of active service, but were comfortably housed and cafed for in hehery r~ or the. Lion House as >ifc is , strangely named. 1 Along with each wife were her^ ;chilareiir^fty altogether. The : house ■'yfaa A pierfectly ; quiet J and orderly, vWhen ;ihe chikirea took their meals ia'bue robm^ and ia happy riaipii homelike csight it; w • ; lour UpitalteYJinner' wi)^

Geniile of the name of Johnson professed to have enjoyed a sociable breakfast in the Lion House. He gave a preposterous account of the "calling of the roll," ahd other preliminaries, and the carnage that ensued when the buckwheat cakes came in. But he embellished rather too much. He said that Mr Young told him several smart sayings of certain of his 'two-year-* Olds,' observing with some pride that for many years he bad been the heaviest contributor in tbat line to one of the Eastern magazines ; and then he wanted to show Mr Johnson one of the pets that bad said the last good thing, but he could not find the child. He searched the faces of the children in detail, but could not decide which one it was.. Finally, he gave it up with a sigh and said, ' I thought I should have known tbe little cub again, but I don't.' Mr Johnson said further that Mr Young observed that life was a sad, sad thing — ' because the joy of every new marriage a man contracted was so apt to be blighted by the inopportune funeral of a less recent bride.' And Mr Johnson said that while he and Mr Young were pleasantly conversing in private, one of the Mrs Youngs came in and demanded a breast-pin, remarking that she had found out that- he had been giving a breast-pin to No 6, and she, for one, did not propose to let this partiality goon without making a satisfactory amount of trouble about it. Mr Young reminded her that there was a stranger preseut. Mrs Young said that if the state of things inside the house was not agreeable to the stranger, he could find room outside. Mr Young promised the breast-pin, Bnd she went away. But in a minute or two another Mrs Young came in and demanded a breast-pin. Mr Young began a remonstrance, but Mrs Young cut him short. She said No. 6 had got one, and No. 11 was promised one, and it waa "no use for him to try to impose oa her — she hoped she knew her rights." He gave his promise aud she went. And presently three Mrs Youngs entered in a body and opened on their husband in a tempest of tears, abuse, and entreaty. They all heard about No. 6, No. 11, and No. 14. Three more breastpins were promised. .... ' This is a specimen/ said Mr Young. 'You see how it is. You see what a life I lead. A man can't be wise all the time. In a heedless moment I gave my darling No 6— -excuse me calling her thus, as her other name has escaped me for the present — a breast-pin. It wa£s only worth twentyfive dollars — that is, apparently that was its whole cost — but its ultimate cost was inevitably bound to be a good deal more. You yourself have seen it climb up to six* hundred and fifty dollars — and alas, even that is not the end ? For I have wives all over this territory of Utah. I have dozens of wives whose numbers even I do not know without looking at the family Bible. They are scattered far and wide among the mountains and valleys of ray realm. And mark you, every solitary one of them will hear of this wretched breastpin, and every last one of them will have one or die. . > , . . Shade of Nephi ! You don't know anything about married life. lam rich, and everybody knows it. I am benevolent, and everybody takes advantage of it. I have a strong fatherly instinct, and all tbe foundlings are foisted on me. Every time a woman wants to do well by her darling, she puzzles her brain to cipher out some scheme for getting it into my hands. Why, sir, a woman came here once with a child of a curious lifeless sort of complexion (and so had the woman), and swore that the child was mine and she my wife, that I had married her at such and such a time in such and such a place, but she had forgotten her number, and of course I could not remember her name, Well, sir, she called my attention toWhe fact that the child looked like me, arid really it did seem to resemble me — a common thing" in the territory— and, to cut the story short, I put it in my nursery, and she left. And, by the ghost of Orson Hyde, when they came to wash the paint off the child, it was an Injun ! Bleas, ray soul, you don't know anything about married life. It is a perfect dog's life, sir — a perfect dog's life. You can't economise. It isn't possible^ I have tried keeping one set; of bridal attire for all occasions. But it is of no use. . . My friend, take an old man's advice, and don't encumber yourself with a large family — mind, I tell you, don't do it. . In a small family, and in a small family only, you will find that comfort and that peace of mind which are the best at last of the blessings this world is able to afford to us, and for thelack of t which no. accumulation of wealth, and no ' acquisition of j fame, power, and greatness can ever cpmpensate us. Take my word for it, ten or eleven wives is all you need— never go over it.' Some instinct or other made me set this Johnson down as unreliable. And yet he was a very entertainingperson, and Tdolubt jflfso^ us could have \been j acquireblV'fri^ any iother source. ; He'waß,^^a>jpl^tisaut;Contrast