WHAT THE HOSE HAS TO SAY.

Nelson Evening Mail, Volume VII, Issue 14, 16 January 1872, Page 2

WHAT THE HOSE HAS TO SAY.

To the Editor oi* the Nelson Evening Mail. Sir, — I know you are always willing to allow any one who has a grievance to complain of, which only requires to be made public to be instantaneously remedied to have his little say in your paper, so I ara going to ask you to spare me space for a few lines in which to jot down one or two remarks I wish to make. I was, as you and your readers all know, suddenly called out on Sunday night to take part in an engagement with an enemy who is dreaded by all Nelson, and whose approach is always announced by the clatter of bells. His name, I need hardly say, is Fire, snd you have no idea of the thrill of delight that passes through me when I hear the warning notes of the bell which warn me that I am wanted. Alone, lam but a poor thing, and of no use whatever, but when I go into action with my gallant allies, the members of the Fire Brigade, I am almost irresistible. They and I get on famously together, and we have a mutual feeling that one without the other is almost useless, but occasionally they try my constitution a little too much. I think I may say that, on the whole, I enjoy excellent health, and am suffciently strong to pass muster even before a lynx eyed medical referee of an Insurance Company, but I have one weak point of which even my friend*? ofthe Brigade are not aware, and consequently they expect me to perform deeds of which I rm not physically capable. To put it shortly, I suffer from varicose veins, and when any sudden alarm or excitement acts upon my system, if is sure to find out this little failing, and the consequence is that I am at once rendered practically useless. In a human being suffering from the same complaint as myself, the blood would force itself out at this weak spot, but with iue it is water and not blood that streams forth, but the result is precisely the same, for in my case water is tbe vital fluid, and when once it is allowed to escape in any quantity, I lie writhing on the ground in the greatest asony, mental as well as physical, in that I know that I am at once deprived of all my power. I see the fire blazing ; my pluck is not departed ; Tlong to tackle it, and to inflict upon it those blows which, I know, would, iv a very short time, knock it out of time, but there I lie completely prostrate, while my natural enemy glares defiance at me. My sufferings, when placed in this painful position, I cannot describe, but I can Jo better than this : I can tell my red-coated allies how to treat me, so that under their direction, and gallantly backed up as I always am by them, I eau behave iv such a manner as to fully deserve the confidence placed in me by the good folks of Nelson. Let them try my strength gradually, and not all at once, and I will soon do all that they require of me. First, I will take the skirmishers to the front ; in the space of a few seconds I feel equal to

rattling ahead with a regiment; but a very little time, and I can manage the whole army, and then I should like to see the fire that we could not put to rout, even though it should be under the command of tbat most able of generals " Spout Wind." I have come so frequently in contact with the people of Nelson that I know they have a proverb which says that " a nod is as good as a wink to a blind horse." In penning the above lines I consider that I have both nodded and winked, while, on the other hand, I am quite sure that my allies, of whom I am really proud, have so often given evidence of tbeir keen watchfulness over the interests of the inhabitants of the town that to call them blind would be a base calumny, and consequently I feel morally certain that for the future there will bo no occasion to shower abuse upon the India Rubber Hose.