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Nelson Evening Mail, Volume III, Issue 235, 3 October 1868, Page 3

If a man wants tew get at his aktual dimensions, let him visit a graveyard. If any man wants tew be an old bachelor, and get sick ou a boarding tavern, and have a back room in the 4r,h story, and a red-haired chamber-maid bring his water gruel to him in a tin wash-basin, I have filwus sed, and I stick to it yet, he has got a perfeck right to do it. When a man loses his health, then he fust begins to take care of it. This is good judgment. This is! It is getting so uo-a-duze, if a man can't cheat ia some way, he isn't happy. Success in life iz apt to make us forget the time we wasn't much. It is so with the frog on the jump ; he can't remember that he was a tadpole — but other folks can. An individual, tew be a fine gentleman, has either got to be born so or to be brought up in it from infancy; be kant learn it suddenly any more than he kau ietirn to talk injun korectly by practicing on a tommy hawk. — Josh. Billings. A Connaught farmer who had been brought to an election dinner in his county town was puzzled with the silver fork which lay before him with his soup; what he most needed had been forgotten. The farmer reminded the waiter by saying, 'Whither, will ye bring me a spoon widout a slit in it !' A mun who is advertising lodgings to let ' for early risers,' adds, ' Cochin Cnina fowls of unusual vocal powers, are kept on the adjciiniug premises.'