With the Wits.

Maoriland Worker, Volume 2, Issue 32, 13 October 1911, Page 9

With the Wits.

Admired 'His.—Mr. Henpeck: Are*- * you tlie man who gave my wife a lot of" : ' impudence? "i " Mr. Scraper: I reckon I'am. -' - Mr. Henpeck: Shake 1 You're" 'Si \" hero.. .' "" ■ ... " . ' '*

Lap, Lap. —Davis: How can £ou call ' a young elephant of a canine like that one a lap dog? ' '' • '" Smit]i: Come lound somoy.time £Uiq hear him eat. "'"' " "'" 1

The village cricket match was in pro* '" gross, and the bowler had just ap-*'- • pealed for- leg-before wicket; -Thof : umpire, whose serA'ices had been ob-* tamed at the last minute, looked per-f plexed; then, turning to tho boivleiy said: . ' 'f ' "Well, what do you think yourself?" "Out, of course," was the reply* , "Very Avell," says he. "out he goeiff^—we're going to have nothing butf fair play here. ')

"Does he offer any proofs of his ajt« fectiori?" asked a father. '5 ' "Proof!" exclaimed the beautiful 1 girl. "Well, I should say so. Why] • he says that I have set his heart afirei and it has been burning so that it hadlit the'cigars he carries in his vest-" pocket." ' v. "■">•• "But the proof." i "He shoAved mc -the ha'lf-burjiect T cigars." . \ "*1 ~-A4. : _ j

Sons Pa, Avhat is a Avhisky straight?, - Father (avlio knoAvs whereof) : well, my boy, a large, swelled head; ail erroneous impression of great and su<& den wealth ,• a disposition to fight a' man-twice your sis'/ej an aptness ■ fori ■ making the world to appear lop-sided,. and to be revolving rapidly—any 0110;' of them may be called a whisky'£ trait." ..___ - M

. "Waiter," said tlie guest, "yon * brought mc tea." •„>!" "No, sir," said the waiter., •'that'fc coffee, sir." -<• - i' ♦'Well,- said the guest, "I ordered cocoa." -