AN HOUR AT THE CENTRAL STATION COURT.

Manawatu Times, Volume III, Issue 231, 26 January 1878, Page 3

AN HOUR AT THE CENTRAL STATION COURT.

("Detroit Free Press.") "I should like,'' said Bi.jah, drawing v himself up to his full height, just as Court was about to «>l )t>n » " ? should like that noise stopped." - A little woman who had oome down as a witness rose from her chair very promptly, and m piping voice replied — "I never spoke a word, and I can prove it r'V ,/ ,•■■■,'"••. .•■■ V V .■: ' " I didn't infer to you madam." ■■■*' "W e^» don'tlopk right at me when you mean /some one else. ' you needn't _|Mnk, because you've been Alderman, you can . boss everybody around !" > ffig'Hbnbr put a stop to further discussion by signalling that Court had opened, • and he whispered to the old janitor— r . " Never talk back to a woman. Any ordinary woman could /read the New Testament through while you were greasing one of your hoots. Go m and trot out somebody, and let's see what we can see." " 'Nother fling at them feet— always a flinging ("growled the old man, arid he was gone such a long time after his first prisoner that his Honor was about to order an expedition fitted out to go m search of him when he. skuffed out, John. •Anderson, a great big threefi ted ohap, / with . a neck as big as. a.' nail keg,., slouehod around m front of the desk and remarked— -; ; "Good morning." " It is a good morning for the guileless and free," ieplied his Honor, as he signed his name to the warrant. ■..••' THat'.s just what lam Judge. The boys, brought me m here for fun." v Yea— ah-^yum. You deny being drnn^r "I do, sir." The bjljicer set forth twenty^one different statements of facts, one that the • prisoner was dead drank, and; another being that the prisoner was lying m a gutter unable to even shut his. mouth against the snow 'storm. " [jooks like a plain case," remarked the court. "Judge", replied the prisoner, m a quavering vdiee, " I came to this town on a visit to my wjfc's relations, and it isn't right to treat a stranger m this way/ When I woke up this morning I was bent all out oF sliapeV one heel disg'ig into my back and one of my knees jammed into my ribs/ I was fold, all whitewash and mud, and I've been damaged over a thousand dollars. I ain'fe used to being piled up like stove wood $n.d flung around." v There's a man at the House oF Correction/ who will doctor you up,' ' said the coui't, "and thirty days from now you will cOiiie out blithesome and gay and full of ambilion. It. miikes my mouth water to Hiiuk of how fftt and handsome you willbe." "But what about the damages, tasked the prisoner. •* X i*an't b-e used this wfty ior nothing." "As soon as you got up there draw on

m.*» :■ for a thousand 'dollars," win I lie hlaiiil reply, anil the p/is milt ha.lu't boeir seated on the saw-horse over ten spnrni Is when lie began to whistle " M>llu' Dirlin.*." THK MANIA. Oz-irk Blat'lc, ayoun^ man with a pug nose and glassy eyos, was at a wrestling match.' and he \v-nt home and threw his father over a table before he could go to sleep. Ke was out early next morning taking a oollar and elbnv hold of all his friends, and the m >re h.* wrestled the mcfre enthusiasHe he grew. H> went into a grocery 61* thes G -and BiviT Avenue on Friday evening and said to the stately proprietor of the place — "I can put you on your bark m jus! seventeen minutes and a half." "You hurry right out o' here .!" was the business reply, and the groeev kept on doing up packages and dra\wjtng molasses. Young Ozarlc was determined to put the proud-spirited grocer down, and he edged around and got hold of him. Then the next^thinsc he knew he had been flopped into* a barrel of beans, his back "nearly broken; meal m his eyes, and a bloody nose. The grooer hauled him off the barrel, dragged him out doors, piled him up on the edge of the walk and complacently observed : " There, I fe?l a good deal better, and if you don't, why oome m and we'll try it ovor again !" ' ■■ ' The police picked Ozark up as he was making a great noise with., his mouth, and he wrestled with a little cell at night. , -, ; „ " I can't encourage any such thing, remarked his Ifonor when tha story had been told. > "I don't want to be encouraged, replied the prisoner ; " I want some plasters for my back, some liniment for my ribs and a bottle of salve for t hi* nose." " You'll have to go up, Mr Black, for about sixty Atiyx. Mush and straw bed-! and hard work and ivgular hours will lop off some of this enthusiasm and give that g.ocer a chance to breathe. Please retire to the corridor and find a seat and take: as much comfort as you can till the buggy drives up." IT WAB ON ABET. ■" They say," remarkpxLjjhis i Honor as Alfred i^ordon'limped Wt, " that you fell over a stove m a saloon, kicked a dog, swore at an old woman, and fought | the officers .all the way to the station. Is that the proper way to go to work to get an office and climb up the ladder of fame?" | "Can Igo on and tell how it was ?" asked the young man. " Yes, sir, you can, arid if it's just as convenient for you I wish you wouldn't blow your nose fifty times a minute. Wait till this afternoon and then blow all you want to." " I went, into that saloon to warm my feet," began the prisoner. "There was a man m there with red hair. He wanted to bet I couldn't lift the saloonkeeper's dog. I took the bet, and tried to lift the dog and got two bites on the shoulder. Thai made me — — " "That's enbngh," interrupted the court. "Nobody but a dolt or a drunken man would try to lift a strange dog. I shall »ive yon thirty days." " I won't take 'em !" replied Mr Gordon. . :■- --" You'll have to, sir. The law can lift you much easier than you can lift a dog. Yon have been lifted and now go your way." " My way is for home,*' growled the prisoner, starting for the door, but Bijah seized him by the collar and drew him m and sat him down and whispered — " Boy, don't rile me ! I'm peaceful now, but if you kick me on the shins again I'll make you think there are a doaen rebellions m Mexico !'* PERFECTLY SATISFACTORY. A man of fifty, wearing very large spectacles and a very long coat, was brought out to answer to the charge of " tightness,'* and tho little old woman m the audience came forward and called out : " I appear here "as his wife and his lawyer If anybody says he was drunk they lie !" "Don't be so fast, woman," replied the court. " Don't you dare call me a fast, woman again !" she shouted, growing a foot higher every minute. His Honor looked into his desk to see if everything was all right, and wore a very serious face as he lifted up his head and said — " This man wa s found hanging to a lamp-post at eleven o'clock .last night and calling for his Sarah Jane. Is that your name P" " He was, eh. ?** she mused as she gave the prisoner a searching glance. " Called for her over twenty, times " continued the court. "He did, eh?"* "The officer says that his voice betrayed anxiety and love," continued his Honor. ' ' ' " Love, he ? He's my husband, Judge. Let him go. Let me settle this case with him!" "I don't believe I hollered for no Sarah. Jane I" put m the prisoner. " Shut right up, sir !" whispered the wife. " We'll see about this Sarah Jane business." : ." I'll suspend, sentence, and you can take him," said the court. " Come on !" she whispered to the prisoner* making for the door. As they were ready to go out she added — " Now you foller me home, and if you attempt to skip for Canada I'll make it the hottest day ever you saw !"