LOCAL AND GENERAL.

Manawatu Standard, Volume IX, Issue 66, 19 February 1885, Page 2

LOCAL AND GENERAL.

A certain 'lady who is not unknown, m society has been twice a widow, but is now the pride of a third husband. • Tim ! lady alludes to her husbands as her " first," "former and "present.": She often relates pleasant memories of husbands One and Two. The latter she describes as a man who always endeav- 1 ored tv appear perfectly cool and collecI t^d on every occasion. One summer they were staying at an hotel and 'were roused m the uiidillo of thi night by an alarm of fire. The flames were burning fiercefy, but the husband calmly said to ' the wife: "Dress carefully, my dear, just as if you were preparing for a ball." Well, they finally left tho room and got out on the lawn m safety, with their portmanteaux even rescued. The 'husband immediately began to dilate upon the advantage of always taking things coolly, to which his wife : replied that she thoroughly agreed with- him ; but still she begged to remind him "that he had forgotten to put on. . his inexpressibles." And he had/ : The pertenacity. with .which -a. cute vie- ■ tective follows up. his " pigeon 'jonce he sees him on the wing, is shown by i Detective Walker, of the Auckland force, m the case of the man Sheehan arrested for the Castle Roche murders.. When the man first arrived m- the colony he lived m a small tenement at the side of a small gully, and underneath the house there was a small cavity where night j after night Detective Walker lay, hear- ] ing some tales on a par with those detailed m the "night side of nature" from the /lips ; 6f Sheehan and friends who visited him. Walker was ever by his ,fiide t through the streets, 'and,' again . when Sheehan bought his . farm and wenti.to settle on it, his shadow was still with him and yet no suspicion of being so 'closely watched ever was raised m his breast. An Irishman tried to shoot a sparrow with an old Queen Anne musket. He fired. The bird with a chirrup or two flew away unconcerned iri the foreground and Fat was swiftly and noiselessly laid on his spme m the back ground. Picking himself up, and shaking his fist at the bird, he exclaimed : "Be jahers, ye wouldn't a chirruped if you'd been at this end of the gun !" The importation of live stock from Australia may (says a contemporary) seem at present to be among* the visionary schemes, but it is a fact that a gentleman m London, with abundant capital for the purpose, was prepared to make the trial, when strange to say, it was found that New Zealand is an " infected country." This will be news to many, but so it is m the eyes of English authorities. The fact that 10 or 12 years ago plenro-pneunionia was known m the Colony has been the cause ot the Colony being placed m the black list, 1 and I suppose the assumed improbability 1 of sheep or cattle ever being,, imported from it m a living state is the reason why no steps have ever been taken to have ,the prohibition removed. ' "You can do anythiug if you have patience," said an old uncle who had made a fortune, to his nephew, who had nearly spent : one* "Water may be carried m a. sieve,: if you only, wait." "How long?" asked the pentinenfc spendthrift. " Till it freezes," was the cold reply. Enthusiastic professor of. physics, dismsiing the organic and inorganic kingdoms: "Now, if I should shut my eyes I —so— and drop my head — so — : and 1 should not move, you would say I-was a clod. But I move,. I leap, I run ; then I what do you call me?" Voice from the rear : "A clod-hopper." .. ■ . •A pack-horse belonging to Mr Hugli's party, which started for the Taupo country on Monday evening, became rather refractory prior to leaving. In the morning, after having the packsaddle fixed on its back, it started bucking. Just before starting, when every-, thing had been packed, tho horse started bucking again, and sent tho buiscits, ; lent, photogr.iphic apparatus, and sundry other articles flying m various directions. The party managed to secure the services of another horse and proceeded on their journey about 5 p.m. The nominations for the election of five members to form the Feilding Licensing Committee took place on Monday As only the required number of candidates were nominated, Messrs Higgiu, Macarthur, Nicholson, Rutherford, and Sherwill wore declared duly elected. There was no interest of any kind m the election. It is believed that the extra plate, " Quite ready," presented with the Christmas number of the Graphic is the largest colored picture ever presented m conjunction with newspaper enterprise. The ediction publishing is 500,000, the actual printiug for which commenced iv Jan. last, and has been m daily continuance. The number ot sheets and colors, for which each shade requires to be passed separately through the press, represents nineteen million impressions. A New South Wales paper states that Mr D. Proudfoot, the well-known railway contractor, has commenced an action against the Bank of New Zealand. Damages are laid at £300,000. Thousands of young men of fashion- . able ; familiet) and good education arc now entering the army at Home as private, soldiers. Reason : Overcrowded state of the professions, and inability to pass the severe examinations. Archbishop Whately once asked a roomful of divines why white sheep ate so much more than black shuup. One petson advanced the opinion that black being a warmer color than white, and one which fails forcibly to attract the gun, black sheep could do with less nutriment than their white contemporaries. At these profound . speculations Dr Whately shook his head gravely and then proceeded to explain, ' White sheep eat more because there are more of them. 1 A severe thunderstom occured m Sydney on Saturday, during which a cab man and horse on the Raudwiclc-road were killed by lightning. Two passengers riding inside tho cab miraculously escaped* Several accidents are reported iv various parts of tho colony. After much contradictory information we have at length the right version of tho reported death of one of the daughters of Madame Simsousen. The first version, which stated that. it was L-onora who had died m San Francisco, was after alt correct. Tho decease* '.lady was the wife of Mr Adler (not Baron Adler) of that city, and was formerly 'the wife of Mr Davies of Christchurch. Martina Simonsen is at present unmarm nhniiUfyniiyY ft Wealthy

• . A severe test of official integrity was recently witnessed m a criminal court iv the County of LiuiL>rick,wlieie the Judge sat m judgment m a case against his own Hoiijforfolonyj ; and sentenced -him to'iivo "years' penal servitude. The young man had, at on time,' been .SubSheiiif ot the County; and liaTi afterwards been allowed an ample income by; his fathor, though it proved inaufficienfc for his extravagant requirements. To force further supplies, he resorted to various /icious practices, among them attributing to his own father the most infamous and abominable offences, for -which his after excuse was a diseased state of mind. The father did his duty with a courage and fairness that para- ■ ilels the sternness of the old Romans. „ At the Hartlepool Hospital meeting recently, an amusing incident took place' m connection with the appointment of nurse to theinstitution. One of the applicauts stated m her letter : — " lam of medium height, and not handsome." The Chairman — Just listen to that, gentlemen. Tho womau says herself she is not handsome. (Laugther.) Her portrait, which she enclosed, fully bore out her statement. It was handed round amidst much laughter. Dr Ra-vliugs — I think it advisable to have a good-look-ing nurse,' it is much more pleasant for' the patients. (Laughter.) The Mayor — It would make 'm stop iv lougcr, doctor. (Renewed Laughter.) The womau's candour, it was thought, was so refreshing that she deserved the office, and it was ultimately decided to appoint her. The ears of the African elephant are said to be much larger, 'm proportion to the size of the animal, than those of the Indian species. Baker, the African traveller, says that he has frequently cut off an ear of one of thesti animals to form a mat, on which he has slept comfortably. In the course of a vigorous sermon at St. John's church, Napier; : last 1 Sunday night, the Rev. Do Berdt tiovell referred to the excuses that are made for keeping away from church ; the weather my be too hot ; or the ground too damp under foot i; -, But if a new opera,isto be performed tit the Theatre, it may be either hot or wet, the weather does not stand m theiWay.i i ; -' ; -^ Colonel Burnaby, who was killed the other day was the tallest man m the .British Army, -standing six feet four m .his stockings, and one of the strong-, eßt. ■'■ • ■ ■ , ' •-- : - The Taranaki Herald says : The commercial manager of our Wanganui namesake has been on a visit here during the last few days. It is very lowering, however, for a respectable paper like the Wanganui Herald to allow it representative to^go cadging New Plymouth for a few shillings worth of job printing. ' We (Patoa Mail) caii; assure the Taranaki Herald that the representative of that " respectable paper. cadges much smaller towns than New 'Plymouth :" for a few shillings' worth of job printing." Yesterday morning, (says a Wellingtoii paper of February 16th) the Rev; W. C. Oliver made some remarks relativcto the elections for the various licensing committees. lie said that from some statistics he recently received he found that m Ireland 53 per cent, of the crime was attributed to drunkenness. Last year there were 14,000 luuatics sent to the asylums iv England, alone, 21 per cent, being insane through drink. 'Two-thirds of the large body of poltce m Euglaiid a|one were employed m looking after drunkards, at a cost to' 'the English Government of £2,100,000 ; whilst the total cost of maintaining 1 a body of police, attendants, and officials m lunatic asylums last year amounted to the enormous sum of .£2,639,000. Fathers should take this to heart, and at the approaching elections should cast aside thsir apathy and vote as their consciences and convictions dictate.