Fun.

Manawatu Standard, Volume IX, Issue 19, 20 December 1884, Page 1 (Supplement)

Fun.

Tuk following good Etory comes from the Topical Times; — It was m a country church, ami the vicar, before morning service, told the curate to give out a notice about baptisms, p.nd another about some new hymn-books, la reading the notices the curate reversed their order, and gave them as follows : " For the future, Hymns Ancient and Modern will bo used m this church." There will be a baptism of infanta held iv this church <m Sunday nfcxt." " All parents wishing to have their children baptised must, send m their names to the vicar before Wednesday."' The vicar, who was somewhat deaf, heard the curate's voice cease, but did not observe that the order of the notices had been reversed, so lie rose and said : '' And I should further Hke to mention that those who wish to procure some of the latter can obtain them, on applying at the vicarage, for one shilling, Or with extra strong backs for eighteen-pence."

" If you will permit m8 to say so, doctor," remarked the patient, "science has m you one of its most persevering disciples." The doctor's face expressed the gratification the compliment gave him, and the patient continned : " But I have one : favor to ask of yoa." "Name it," said the pleased and smiling Galen. " You have" treated me scientifically for six weeks." " Yes. ?> " Well, give me something now to get well on."

" Your fatber is entirely bald now, isn't ho?" said an Austin man to the son Of a millionaire. " Yes," replied the youth, Badly, "I'm the only heir he has left."— Texas Sif tings.

Noted by an exchange :— " It is a remarkable fact that however well young ladies may be versed m grammar very few are enabled to decline matrimony."

A teacher m a suburban school was giving hex class an object lesson a few days ago, and drew a cat on the blackboard for its inspection. She then asked what there was on the cat, and the unanimous reply waß " hair.' " What else ? " she queried. There waa a long pause of consideration, but finally the hand of a bright-eyed little five-year old shot up, and almost simultaneously came her triumphant answer : " Fleas."

".What are these cups for?" asked a welldressed young man of a jeweller, pointing to some elegant silver cups on the show-case. " These are race-cups, to be given as prizes to the best racer." "If that's so, suppose yoa and I race for one," and the stranger, with the cup m hand, started, the jeweller after him. The stranger won the cup.

Togetheu they were looking over the paper. " 0 my, how funny ? " aaid she. " What is it?" he asked. "Why, here's an advertisement that says, ' no reasonable offer refused." ' "What's so odd about that?" "Nothing, nothing," she said, trying to |blush ; " only those are my eentimenta."

" Can you give me a little money on that account of youra this morning." " No." " Well, will you appoint a time when you can ? You've traded [with me a good deal and have never paid me a cent/ " I know it. lama free trader."