Fun.

Manawatu Standard, Volume IV, Issue 270, 11 October 1884, Page 5 (Supplement)

Fun.

His greatest enemy : A good country priest said to a dying drunkard : "My friend, you must reconcile yourself with your enemies." " Then," groaned the dying man, '." give me a glass of water I "

" I don't think much of that," saida waiter, scornfully, as hepioked up a two-cent; piece given him by a customer: •' Neither, ( do I," replied the customer ; "otherwise I shouldn't have given it to you."

A man and wife were looking at the snakes m the Zoo when the latter said : "Can you distinguish the male from tie female?" " No," he replied ; " but it is ah easy matcer for naturalists." "How do they know?" she asked. "By the extra amount .of venom on the female's tongue."

They were standing at the front* gate. "Won't you come m the parlor and sit a little while, Georgie dear ? " " N-no, I guess not," replied George, hesitatingly. "I wish you would," the girl went on ; " it's awfully lonesome. Mother has gone out, and father is up-stairs groaning with rheumatism, in the legs." "Bothlegs?" asked George.' "" Yes, both legs." " Then I'll come m." ■ ■ : ;

Abraham Haywabd, m his younger days and until very lately, held aristocracy m awe. Apropos of this, Thackeray used to tell how, on the occasion of their first dining with the Duke of Newcastle, and going together' from the Garrick m a cab, he transfixed Hay ward with terror and amazement by taking out a shilling at the hall at Portman Square,! amid all the caparisoned flunkies, and offering to toss up to see who should pay the fare.;

" This is a story of George D. Prentice which I never saw m print," says Bill Nye, " and which is a better illustration of his ready wit than anything else he said, I think. The old Journal office used to be stamping ground of many Southern men, more or less known, who liked to hear the veteran journalist tell a story or warm up a presumptuous young man for lunch. Among those who frequented the Journal office .was Will S. Hays, the song-writer. Coming into Mr. Prentice's office one day, m that free-and-easy way of his, he sat down m one'chair, with his feet on another, and jamming his hat on the back :of his head, said, without consulting Mr. Prentice's leisure : ' Seen my last song, George?' Mr. Prentice beased writing, sighed heavily, and, looking-up sadly and reproachfully at the. young man* teaid: 11 1 hope so, Billy.'"