The Fireside.

Manawatu Standard, Volume 3, Issue 41, 13 January 1883, Page 2

The Fireside.

1... ♦ — . Tell us not m joyous numbers ' Life is like a summer's day, Wnen our creditors, by hundred?, Send m bills we cannot pay. John writes to ask i' if old Boreas ever had any wives.' ? •' Certainfcr Didn't you over read about the 5 Merry Wives of Wind sir.'" A. music publisher of the name of Benjamin Hind was selling off, a stosk of slightly damaged music. He had the list attractively displayed, his name being attached to each piece. The re* suit can be imagined from the following specimen lines : — ♦Oh ! let me like a soldier fall' B. Hind. • Where shall we stand when freedom call?' . B. Hind, ' She wore a wreath of roses' B. Hind. * I fear no foe' . B. Hind. • She's all my fancy painted her' B. Hind. The efiect was even more ridiculous m others. In fact, we cannot continue the list j for to quote Hamlet, we might say, 'Thus bad begins, but worse remains' B. Hind. It is proposed m one of the Southern States, says the ' Scotsman' to make it obligatory to inscribe the name of the physician on the tombstone of deceased persons :— . Just an acknowledgment pat on the stone Or the tomb - that stands m the churchyard loam, That the competent workman— as should be known — Has finished his work and has sent it home. May is one of the unlucky months I for marriages. The other unlncky months are January, February, March, April, June, July,. August, . September, October, November, and December. A showman was making a great fuss at the front of his exhibition of the wonders he had inside. A man. stand-* ing m the crowd, with; a little boy beside him, cried out. 'I'll bet you a sovereign you cannot let me see a lion.' 'Done,' said the showman eagerly; ' put down your money.' The man placad a sovereign m the hand of a bystander, and the showman did the same. ' Now walk this. way,' said the showman and Fil soon convince you. There you are, said he, triumphantly ; look m that corner at that beautiful Numidian lion, ' 1 don't see any,' responded the other. ' What's the matter with you ? ' asked the showman, ' I'm blind,' was the grinning reply, and m a few minutes the blind man pocketed the two sovereigns and went away. In one of Wellington's Campaigns he ordered the men not to pillage anything. When out m plain clothes towards dusk he met an Irish soldier with a beehive on his head. He accosted the man who said, ' Whist yer honour, what's your number an' I'll bring ye some honey m the morninV Wellington gave him his number and v told him to remember to bring the honey. What was Paddy's surprise, the next morning, to find himself m the presence of Wellington,, who ordered him to join a 'forlorn hope/ , He joined the forlorn hope accordingly, and m the course of the siege got both legs blown off. When m the hospital Wellington came round to visit, and came to the bed where Paddy was lying, ' Poor fellow, poor fellow 1' he said to him. « Well,' said Paddy, « are ye satisfied now, Old Hookey Nose?"