The Fireside.

Manawatu Standard, Volume 3, Issue 35, 6 January 1883, Page 2

The Fireside.

A certain office m Dunedin is ia communication with th» telephone exchange. The principal man m the office is a good deal addicted to * haw-hawing ' m his conversation. Well, he is always complaining about his telephone not beiog m order, and sending for a man to repair it, and when the mm arrives he finds that there is nothing wrong with the instrument. The* man's patienca gave way the other, day, and when he was again called upon to inspect the machine he explained that the telephone was m perfect order, and, said he, « you may talk m it, you may whistle m it, but you are are bound to put it out of gear if you * haw-haw J m it.' The man then left. . ' A bashful young man could defer the momentous question no longer, so he stammered, • Martha, I— l— do yoo>- J you must have— are you aware that the good book says— cr — that it is not good that a man should be alone?' ' Then hadn't you better run home to your mother?' coolly suggested Martha. A fulU bearded grandfather recently had his beard shaved off, showing a clean face for the first time for a numbor of years. At the dinnner-table big three-year-old granddaughter noticed it, gazed long with wondering eyes, and finally ejaculated,- « Grandfather, whose head have you got on?' A good story is being whispered m the saloons of Bociety. The Duke, of Albany and the Princess Heleno paid a visit to a celebrated London photon grapher, to whom they gave two sittings . The first was de rigueur. The photographs taken during the second sittting were, however, intended for family circulation only. The duke was taken seated, with one arm round the waist of his betrothed, her head resting on his shoulder. Unfortunately, the jßoyal commands were either misunderstood or forgotten, and the photographs intended for family circulation and the Court of Waldeck were issued to the trade, along with those intended for her Majesty's lieges. The error was discovered, however, and the portraits depicting the human love of Prince Leopold and Princess Helena hava been called m. Only very few have got into circulation. A St Louis clergyman related m a recent address that on one of his trans* atlantic trips there was "an Irish Bishop on board who snored like two men. la the next cabin to him were. two ladies, who complained to the steward that they couldn't rest, and the steward suavely asked the bishop if something couldn't be done m the promisee. •« Certainly," said the bishop, and next day there hung si placard m the grand saloon which said ; > t oti6e— The Bishop will snore From eleven to four. JEgles m the Australasian says :— ■ "In the train from Sale the other daywas a gentleman of special moderation m eating and drinking, but who is re« markable for the redness of his face, which gives him a look of inebriety entirely unwarrantad. By some arrangements incidental to the day he had to show his ticket at every way* side station. Having produced the niuchctnauled piece of paste-board for the ninth or tenth time, the railway officer proceeded to apply his pincers. '•How many nips do you suppose yea have taken?" snarled the traveller. "About half as many* I should say, as yon have 1" retorted the guard, looking significantly at the falsely tell-tale face of the aggrieved passenger.