ENLISTING A LAWYER.

Mount Ida Chronicle, Volume III, Issue 194, 15 November 1872, Page 3

ENLISTING A LAWYER.

"Well, mind no\v,;"for this is as trhie as the' gospel. It was on the 11th. of May, 1820, I 'listed a recruit in Dublin, and. put the-quest-ion to,' him, gave him the shilling, and walked him to the barracks as fine as a fiddle. Well, m a few days, he was claimed as a 'prentice, and so lie was had up before' the mayor, and he committed him for trial. Well at the n<.xt 'sizes I was called as a witness, and the lawyer that defended him told me that I did not'list him. "I did," says I. "Did you put the question to him rightly ?" says he, •' J did " says I. "By ■ the virtue of yer oath, now," says "just'ax me the question, for I don't believe you ax'd him."—" How do you know ?" says I, " for by this and by that you wern't by."—" None of your business," says he ; and he held out his hand, and accordingly I pulled out a half-crown and clapped it in his fist, and then I asked him the questions, and he said "yes" to them all. " Were these the same questions you put to the prisoner ?" says he. " Yes, they were," says T. "Well, here's yer half-crown back for ye," says he. "I can't take it sir," says I. " Why not?" says he. "Why not?" says I';" why sure I can't take it back till ye go before a magistrate and pay the ' smart money.' "—" You be hanged," says he, and he put the money "in his pocket, and I called to his .Lordship on the bench for a witness thatl had 'listed'him. And oh, holy Biddy, but there was a roar in the court! Begorra; the judge laughed'till the' tears ran down his face. Well, the decision of the .court being in my favour] ax'd the judge if I might rake away my new "recruit'. And they all roared again, and the counseller got as red as a turkey cock, and as mad as a bull with the cholic; at last he made the best he could ,av it. and says I to the counsellor, says I, " Don't 'list in the linenext time,sir." " What then!" says he, snappishly. "Oh yer 'oner," says I, "stick to the rifles ; that's more in your way." Well, begorra, when 1 told the major I thought he'd die, and when he'd done laughin' he bid me keep the" smart money " for myself.— ' Irish humor'