SHORT WAR STORIES.

Manawatu Herald, Volume XL, Issue 1867, 22 August 1918, Page 4

SHORT WAR STORIES.

NA POO!

Two local lads were recently sent to France, and one of the first things they did was to look for a “feed.” Entering a cafe, they asked for two hot pies. “No compree,” answered the old French gentleman. “Nee compree,” said Geordie, “M hy, nivvor mind, hinny, gi’ us two potpies.” Still they met with the same reply, and after a few more attempts, Geordie turned in disgust to his pal and said: “Howway, Bill, Aa think they’re null blissed foreigners here!” SENTRY AND GENERAL. While in the trenches, one of our local lads was doing sentry duty and was leaning against the parapet apparently half sleep, when the general, who was inspecting the line, came up from behind, and thinking he had caught him napping, gripped him by the shoulder and rapped out: “I am a German; what are you going to do?” Promptly came the reply: “And Aa’m a 5.9 about to bust; whaat are ye ganuin‘ te do?” Napoo-tinis of general. NO FURTHER TREATMENT. A class of reel nils were being put through a preliminary examination in lirst-aid work. When it came to Pat O’Flynn’s turn, the sergeant said; “Now, Pat, supposing a man were to fall in a drunken fit, how would you treat him?” “Faith, sergeant,” replied Pat, “Oi wouldn’t treat him at all. I’d consider he had had enough.” THROWING LIGHT ON THE SUBJECT. ■ A soldier at the front got short of money, so he sent home the following letter: “Dear Mary, —We lost a trench this morning, and we must replace it at any cost, so will you please send me five pounds at once?” Sad to say, he had a witty wife, who sent the following reply: “Dear Jim, —I have not live pounds towards replacing the lost trench, but I enclose two candles to help you to look for it!” A HOPELESS CASE. A major in France was admonishing a private on guard who had not made him the correct salute of presenting arms, but had merely slapped the small of the butt. “Is that the order, my man?” asked the major, “No, sir, it’s the slope.” “How long have you been out ?” inquired the major, meaning how long on active service. “Since reveille this morning, sir,” was the answer. The major walked quietly away.

PUTTING IT BLUNTLY. The C.O. was inspecting “A” Company of his depot, and coming to one man whose face was somewhat unkempt, he remarked: “Have you shaved this morning?” “Yes, sir,” was the prompt response. The C.O. looked dubious, and after consulting two or three officers again questioned the accused with: “What did you use, a penknife?” “No, sir,” came Hie prompt answer, “I lost my penknife, and tried an army razor.” AT THE SEASIDE. A lot of now recruits lately arrived at a northern seaside place front. Hie Midlands. Several had never previously seen (he sea. One of them, more interested Hum the rest, was early on the banks the next morning. The tide being nearly at high water mark, he watched one of the corporation workmen return several times and fill his water cart with the pump, naturally thinking that the man was trying (o lead the flood of water to another part of the town. During the forenoon the new recruit wont into camp, and in the evening again made his way to (ho shore, very much surprised lo see ’the tide very low. The man went Slong the banks to where two other men were standing, and affer a few minutes’ conversation said: “Aa havn’t seen him with the caart lately, bul Aa. think he’s gannin’ to manage hor!”