ALLEGED HUMOUR.

Manawatu Herald, Volume XXXIX, Issue 1688, 20 March 1917, Page 4

ALLEGED HUMOUR.

The Landlady: “Will you take tea or coffee!” The Boarder: Whichever vou call it.”

She: “Have you ever read, ‘Lives of the Hunted’! ” He: “No; what’s it about —bachelors!” Auntie: “Well, Johnny, what have you . learned in school today?” Johnny; “How to whisper without moving the lips.”

The Girl: “Do you really love me, or do you only think so!” The Boy; “Oh, I really Jove you. I haven’t thought a deuced thing about it!” “And the audience, ray boy, were glued to their seats,” said the delighted actor. “That certainly was a neat way of keeping them there,” said the cxitic.

“I can’t spare the money, but I’ll gladly loan it to you if you’ll promise not to keep it too long.” “I’ll solemnly SAvear to spend every penny of it before to-morrow morning!” Which reminds us that nine Canadian soldiers have been lined for playing cards on the Folkstone sands. In this country, of course, only the waves are alloAvcd to gambol on the beach.

The Foreman: “I’ll give you a job if you’ll furnish me with a letter of recommendation from your last employer.” The Seedy One; “Then it’s all up with me; he’s been dead tAventy years.” “What a distinguished looking man your father is! His Avhite hair gives him such an aristocratic look.” “Yes,” said the distinguished looking man’s dissipated sou, “he can thank me for that.”

A little girl Avent into a shop, and asked the oAvner how much the puppies Avere. “They are half a croAvn apiece,” said the man. “But,” the little gild ansAvered, “I don’t Avanfc a piece, I Avant a Avhole one.”

German (in trench stormed by British). — Kamerad ! Kamerad ! Mercy. Vc vos Pomeranians. British Soldier: Pomeranians, arc you! Well, you’re bloomin’ lucky to drop into my ’ands. I’m ; daAVg fancier.

A very Avell-knoAvn K.C. sent to an eminent physician and surgeon, who is a familiar figure in Portland Place, the following wire; “My wife’s mother is lying at death’s door. AVill you come round and try to pull her through!” “William the Conqueror,” read the small boy from his history, landed in England in TOGO A.D.” “What docs A.D. stand for?” inquired the teacher. The small boy pondered. “I don’t exactly knoAV,” he said. “Maybe it’s after dark.” The lady of good family was showing her ancestral home to her small son. She pointed with special pride to a bust of her father. “And that, Bobbie,” she said, “is your grandfather.” Bobbie looked somewhat perplexed. “Is that all there was of him!” he asked.