The Humorous Side of War.

Manawatu Herald, 4 October 1898, Page 3

The Humorous Side of War.

Detroit Free Press. At the battle of Kinston, N. 0., the confederate general, N. E. Evans, posted a body of raw recruits at the crossing of a creek, but the federals poured a severe fire into them and they were forced to give way. In th 3 disorder that followed the general caught one of the fugitives and demanded, " What are you running away for, you blankety blank coward ?" " I ain't runnin' away, gineral," said the fugitive, " I'm jes' skeered. Why, them fellers over thar are shootin' bullets at us as big as barrels and one of 'em went right parst my head — an* I wanter go home." "Well, why didn't you shoot back?" Baid the general; "you're crying like a baby." •' I know it, gineral. I know it ; and I wish I was a baby, too, an' a gal baby too, and then I wouldn't have been cornsoripted." The staff of a confederate general was riding through a forlorn spction of North Carolina one day, when a young Virginia officer concluded to have some fun* with a long-legged fellow who wore a shabby grey uni form and was sitting astride of a fence near the road. Eeining up his horse the officer accosted him with, •• How are you, North CamUna ?" •• How are you, Virginia ?" was the prompt reply. The staff officer continued : •• The blockade on turpentine makps you rather hard up, don't it ? No sale for tar now." Well — yes ;" was the slow response, 11 We sell all our tar to J< ff Davis now ?" " You do ? What on earth does he want of your tar ?" "He puts it on the beela of Virginians to make them stick on the battlefield," was the response. The staff rode on. An officer while inspecting the picket lines one day aeked a picket what be would do if be saw a body of men coming. " Halt 'em and demand the countersign, sir !" " But suppose they wouldn't halt ?" •• Then I'd shoot ?" " Suppose they didn't stop then, what would you do ?" *• I reckon I'd form a line, sir." " A line ? What kind of a line ?" " A bee lioe straight for camp and run like thunder." Gen. Mart Gary succeeded Wade Hampton in command of the Hampton Legion. Gary used many phrases, especially in battle, that would not sound nice in polite society. . His old coloured servant give the following description of the manner in which his master stormed ifc some disobedience of orders during a certain fight. " I 'clar 1 , mas?, but de way de ole man stir about dat day wa9 'pcrutiatin'. He went dis away an' dat away, wavic' his sword. He went yere an' he went dar ; but to here de ole man open his battery on de hard wuds in de langwidge an' jes' frow urn aroun' loose — 1 declar', boss, it were plum nigh like preachin' C